Thursday, June 30

I Can Smell It From Here

Ever seen a 646-lb catfish?

Part III

Click below to read part three of the four-part series on Scientology, by

Click Here

Eat, Lindsay, Eat!

Sign a petition to get Lindsay Lohan to eat something.

Ads on your body

I think it's just sad when people have to resort to advertising on their body. A woman recently tattoo'ed on her fucking forehead. What a classy broad.

Me Tired

This month has been insane.

At work, I have been working loooong hours preparing our annual magazine recommendation to our major client. The culmination was Tuesday, when I got to (for the first time) present to the client. It went well, and I'm proud of myself. But soooo relieved to be finished with this project.

As if that wasn't stressful enough, I moved to a new place last weekend. It's in Venice Beach, near Abbot Kinney Blvd. Sweet location, awesome house. But moving is a bitch. My roommate and I spent 16 hours (9am - 1am) on Saturday (and technically Sunday) loading and unloading shit into the new house. We didn't even unpack. I have been trying to do that in my "off time" this week. So my life has been like working two jobs. Today I get to go clean my old apartment, get rid of furniture and a fucking fish tank (no one wants to buy a 40 gallon fish tank, apparantly - and I don't blame them).

Anyways, my life seems to be returning to normal.

New iTunes

Anyone download this yet? It has podcast capabilities. I've been curious about podcasting, but haven't tried it yet. Mainly since I haven't had an extra minute since March, apparently when podcasting hit it big. (Isn't it amazing how quickly technology can permeate society these days?)

Jen & Ben

Had a shotgun wedding yesterday. I like both of them lots, so good luck.

Dancing With The Stars

I can't believe I watch this show but I can't look away! Here's a review of last night's semi-finals from EW:

That settles it. I'm totally learning the paso doble before the summer is over. Seriously, what could be more fun than breaking up the monotony of folding your laundry by popping on your Mambo Kings soundtrack, whipping your bath towel over your head, and prancing around in a matador-bull pas de deux with someone you love? If the paso doble can make J. Peterman look like the coolest guy on the planet, then point me to the nearest Arthur Murray studio, pronto.

Not that most men could hope to be as smooth an operator as John ''J. Peterman'' O'Hurley, the breakout sensation of Dancing With the Stars' inaugural season. Since the show's first week, it's seemed a foregone conclusion that O'Hurley and his electrifying partner, Charlotte Jorgensen, would take home first prize, and with good reason. Watching the couple glide across the floor during tonight's fox trot was like hopping in a time machine back to the 1930s, a simpler era when a couple like Fred and Ginger could capture our imaginations with their sheer elegance — instead of screaming for attention by, say, scrubbing down automobiles in their skivvies. (Sorry, Paris. And Jessica.)

While O'Hurley and Jorgensen's fox-trot chemistry was delightful, however, it was their paso doble that may have clinched their victory. The Seinfeld alum's perfectly hammy facial expressions, Jorgensen's taurine flourishes, the couple's passionate foot stomps — all of it had me applauding like a big dork from the safety of my couch. Jorgensen, a vision in red, hurled herself into the dips and twirls as if her partner were a trained pro, not a nearly forgotten sitcom actor with a couple months' dance training. (Kudos to O'Hurley for his unabashedly loopy jokes, too: ''Now that I'm no longer fighting the bull, I file for unemployment,'' he quipped in his cheesiest Spanish accent.)

My biggest (and perhaps only) disappointment with DWTS this season is the fact that O'Hurley won't be facing off against the ''love goddess of the dance floor,'' Rachel Hunter, next week, but I have to admit that Kelly Monaco has proven herself a pretty worthy contender for the crown. On occasion, she still tromps around the joint like an angry barmaid 10 minutes before last call, but her paso doble with Alec Mazo was perhaps the evening's most challenging dance, and Monaco pulled off the fleet footwork, grueling extensions, and passionate expressions without breaking a sweat. (Maybe because she was half-nekkid while doing them, but I digress.…) As judge Bruno Tonioli put it, ''You've used your assets properly.'' Um, yeah. Or, as Monaco herself declared, ''I've come a long way since the tree stump.'' I couldn't have said it better myself.

Mercifully, tonight was the swan song of Joey ''Sour Candy'' McIntyre. Note to reality-show contestants: No one wants to hear you whine about how you deserve higher scores. No one wants to see you make like you're sucking a lemon when you're getting feedback from the judges. No one wants you to pretend that somehow you know more than your adorable professional partner, Ashly DelGrosso, when she's trying to teach you your frickin' dance steps. Sheesh!

Surly attitude aside, though, the former New Kid simply didn't earn a place in the finals — and not just because he picked ''Eye of the Tiger'' for the paso doble. McIntyre's initial steps on the fox trot were downright unwieldy, and the rest of the number wasn't much better. Maybe the judges were a tad cruel to the artist formerly known as Little Joey, but they also needed to ensure a season finale that'll have a modicum of suspense.

But before I get too down on McIntyre, let me just add that he and the five other C-listers who signed up for DWTS are all winners in my book. Let's be honest: Who could've predicted the most Velveeta-coated show of 2005 would turn out to be the biggest hit of the summer schedule? And even if the participating celebs had received guarantees of a large audience, no one could have ensured that any one of them wouldn't look totally awkward and ridiculous once they hit the floor. The fact that five live episodes in, nobody has fallen flat on his or her face — and the fact that my cynical heart is warmed by such a development — is proof positive that DWTS is a new kind of reality. Somebody, pass me the cheese.

Wednesday, June 29

Can You Say Reality Whores?

Another Surreal Life couple is using their relationship in a spin-off reality series. Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight will star in My Fair Brady, a series that follows the development of their budding romance. They met and started dating in October while filming The Surreal Life 5.

--I still can't believe they are dating. I thought for sure she'd hook up with Verne Troyer......

Tom Cruise Believes In Aliens

This explains a lot, folks. He's fucking nuts! He probably believes the moon is made of cheese, too!!

Actually, the more this nonsense goes on, the more I am convinced that his previous publicist kept him bound and gagged and would only permit him to speak or make appearances if she was in close proximity, so as to keep him under control. I have a feeling he's always been a nutcase; we the public were just never allowed to see/hear the "real" Tom Cruise.

Six Feet Under

What a trippy episode! I was weirded out by the way it was shot. So realistic. And that damn bird that kept flying in through the windows. Odd. But good.

Side note: The show's moving back to Sunday.


Good trailer. I love Cameron Crowe movies, and this one, like all of his, has a great cast.

King Kong

Pretty wild trailer for Peter Jackson's King Kong.

On the iPod

Ambulance LTD.
LCD Soundsystem

Roy Fails to Find Closure

From VH-1:

USDA fails to find the cause of the tiger attack on Roy Horn. Oh HEY, USDA! You want to know why the tiger attacked Horn? It's...because he's a fucking TIGER.

Avril Lavigne & Deryck Whibley

Not a lot of sad little boys and girls on this one.

How Stella('s Husband) Got Her Groove Back

STELLA STUNNER: How Stella Got Her Groove Back author Terry McMillan filing for divorce from her Jamaican-born husband of six years--who inspired her 1996 novel--upon learning he is gay.

Guess He Didn't Eat His Vegetables

From E!:

"SO SORRY: Former American Idol contestant Corey Clark issuing an apology for the weekend food fight for which he was cited for misdemeanor battery, calling it a 'huge misunderstanding.'"

I mean, I don't even know where to go with this.

Fergie & Josh Duhamel

got engaged over the weekend. Lots of sad little boys and girls now.

At Least They Won't Be Reproducing!

From PageSix:

THE new religion embraced by former Catholic schoolgirl Katie Holmes — unlike her original faith — actually encourages abortion. As The Post's Philip Recchia has reported, the Church of Scientology assigned Tom Cruise's fiancée a full-time handler, Jessica Rodriguez, 29, who is a member of the sect's elite corps, the Sea Organization. Like all Sea Org members, Rodriguez is discouraged by the sect from ever giving birth. And if she does get pregnant, chances are she'll have an abortion. A former high-ranking Sea Org member now tells Recchia: "It is estimated that there have been some 1,500 abortions carried out by women in the Sea Organization since the implementation of a rule in the late '80s that members could not remain in the organization if they decided to have children. And if members who have been in the Sea Organization for, say, 10 years do decide to have kids, they are dismissed with no more than $1,000" in severance. Our source's ex-wife was also a Sea Org, and she was pressured by the church into having an abortion.

Tuesday, June 28

War of the Worlds

"Spielberg has not only touched the nerve of the American psyche, he has ripped it out, stomped on it and beat it with a club for a full two hours."

I can't wait to see it!!!

I'll Be Back

I promise.

Sorry To Get Political.....

But in light of Bush's speech tonight (err....... PR stunt.....), which will be staged at a military base (how crass!), I bring you the following article....
Read It Here

Part Deux has part two up today of their four-part series on Scientology.

Read It Here

You can also link to part one, which was featured yesterday.

Tuesday Tube

Series Premiere!!
Average Joes Strike Back 8-9pm NBC

Twist Of Faith 10-11:30pm HBO
When he was a teenager 20 years ago, Tony Comes says a Catholic priest in his (Toledo) Ohio hometown sexually abused him. Humiliated and ashamed, Tony carried the secret with him into adulthood, even as he married, had two kids and became a firefighter. He shared the truth only with his parents and wife. But when Tony recently learned that the same priest now lived down the street, he decided to take action -- even if it meant going public.

Here She Comes......

Miss America..... on CMT? Yep.... Miss America has found a new home on the country music channel, CMT. Look for the ladies to don their fanciest get-up this coming January. Yeeeee-hawwwwww!!!!!!!

Crowe Update

Interesting read on the latest Russell Crowe Phone Throwing Incident.....
Click Here

Make Him Go Away!

Corey Clark (infamous Idol constestant who claims to have had an affair with Paula Abdul) has gotten himself into trouble again.... but this time by getting into a food fight, of all things! He and a record company executive were having breakfast when the food and dishes began flying. He was cited for misdemeanor battery.

Monday, June 27

Bangin' Out Heads Of Hair

Okay, so I'm behind..... so sue me..... last night was the first chance I had to watch the most recent eppy of Blow Out.

Can I just state for the record that Jonathan Anton is THE most self-centered, bitchiest guy that ever walked the face of the earth? At first I found his confidence amusing but now I find it downright annoying."It's all about the hair..... I'm just a simple hairdresser..... I just want THE best hair products...... It's going to be MY way or no way.......Someone is always wanting me for something"

God man..... the universe does not revolve around your freaking curling iron! But yet, the stylists, interns and assistants seem to fawn all over this guy as if he's the second coming of Christ. I just don't get it... it's like the cult of Jonathan or something.

Anyhow, this week Jonathan didn't like the next rendition of Jonathan Product (surprise!) and the VPs from his hair care line tried to move into his office, which is the size of my trunk. Jonathan also saved the world at NY Fashion Week by providing "Victoria Lake hair... if she were alive today" to the models showing B Michel's creations. Thank god their hair didn't resemble Victoria Lake of yesteryear..... the show could have been a disaster!!! And, in clip after clip, it is pounded into our heads how important Jonathan is and how everyone wants a "piece of him" and it just "never stops". Are we to feel sorry for him? No wait.... we don't have to cuz he'll soon be chatting it up with his therapist where he will cry and talk about all his alleged problems.

Tell me again why I watch this shit? Cuz he's a drama queen, kids!!

Get Over Yourself!

From NY Post:

TOM Cruise and Oprah Winfrey should really find better uses for their TV bully pulpits than as venues to whine — about themselves.

What the heck planet are they on anyway? Oh wait, in Cruise's case, it's better not to ask. They like to act like everyday Joes. But when the hand-made Hermes glove fits, they show how unlike us they really are. Unless you were in a space ship last week, you know the best pals made big news: Oprah for not being allowed to shop after Hermes in Paris had closed and Cruise for berating Matt Lauer on "Today" for "not knowing" the history psychiatry, which he called a "pseudo-science." He made a complete ass of himself reiterating his silly attack on Brooke Shields, proclaiming that there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance in the body, hence no need for her to take anti-depressants.

Excuse me? He's not a woman nor ever even been married to a woman who's had his babies — and for sure has never had pre- menstrual symptoms that cause our hormones to go as wacky as a Scientologist outer space convention.

If I want answers to an actual medical issue — or about life for that matter — trust me, I'm not going to an actor who can't stay married, and whose religion was invented by a sci-fi writer with a bad dye job.

So how do I justify my wild-eyed remarks if I have never been a Scientologist myself? I'm glad you asked. I may not be a Scientologist, but I have been threatened by members for writing about it. Until it was stopped legally.

Then there's Oprah, who made bigger news than a Lindsay Lohan sighting after she was barred from entering a Hermes store in Paris. After it was closed. And now plans a whole show around it. Excuse me? How many stores have opened for you after-hours? In France? Exactly. According to The Washington Post, the clerk at the door gave Oprah a business card asking her to come back the next day.

It doesn't sound like a race issue at all — and making it out to be seems flat-out wrong. So how do I know it wasn't about racism since I'm not black?

I just happened to be in France researching a book at the same time. I arrived in Carcassone at 9 Saturday night and was promptly turned down for a seat at three separate restaurants. All said the kitchens were closed — even though people were still eating inside. I too was stuck outside staring in seconds after the joints had closed. Three times.

Thinking, acting, be lieving that you're smarter, better, more equal than the rest of us, and using TV to push your agenda isn't going to fly with fans.

Tom and Oprah should both think about hopping the next flight back down to earth — where the fans who made them celebrities in the first place still dwell.

That's Funny, I Want Her Money

According to a recent poll, women want Jessica's Simpson's hair.

Missin' The Miz

From Reality Blurred:

After four Challenge seasons, on which he’s been an institution and a constant target, Mike “The Miz” Mizanin says he’s done with the show. In his “Inferno 2 Diary,” Mike admits that his fame has come to him courtesy of Real World producers Bunim-Murray, and says, “My life has done a 180 and the cool part is I did all my changing on these shows.” But all good things must come to an end, and he says that time is now. He writes:

Now it’s time for The Miz to take the next step in life and that’s fulfill the goal of becoming a WWE Superstar and there’s no way I can still do MTV challenges and wrestling. It’s time to start the career in wrestling so I’m hoping that THe Mizfits from MTV will follow me to WWE. If not, thanks for all the fun memories and good luck to all the new kids in the Reality world.

Before disappearing, though, he’ll enter the cesspool of media whores that is Bravo’s upcoming Battle of the Network Reality Stars.

--Don't cry kids, something tells me The Miz won't be out of the reality spotlight long......

Hazy! Hot! Humid!

It ain't just hot, it's DAMN HOT out there!

Give us a break already!!

Friday, June 24


Michael Jackson is considering a move to Switzerland where, like his race and gender, it's neutral.

-courtesy of VH-1

Thursday, June 23

Doin' The Meet & Greet

From PageSix:

KATIE Holmes may have alienated all of her longtime best friends but she's still trying to keep her parents in the loop — for now. On Tuesday, Holmes and alien-fighting fiance Tom Cruise flew into town and holed up in the Carlyle. "They have a huge suite and his mom and sister [his spokeswoman Lee Anne DeVette] are there and her parents are there. It's kind of a 'get to know you before the kids get married' session," said our source. Holmes' parents — who are said to be a little weirded out by Holmes' new devotion to Scientology — might be more at ease after meeting Cruise's family.

--If I were the Holmes', I'd be more than a little scared.... chances are they'll be converted to Scientology-following zombies, just like their daughter!

Wednesday, June 22

Plug Pulled On Guilty Pleasure

Okay, not MY guilty pleasure, but my husband's..... The last original programming of the Howard Stern show on E! will be broadcast July 8.

This Would Be Cool

MTV is in serious talks to broadcast all or portions of the upcoming "Live 8" concert — which, until now, was going to be available only on the Internet. Although there is no deal yet, the plan is to air the July 2 mega-concert on MTV and sister station VH1.

AOL holds the North American rights to the concert after paying promoter Bob Geldof an undisclosed sum. It plans to broadcast the concert in its entirety on the Internet.

Real World: Austin

From Television Without Pity:

Here's the rundown on the roommates for the new Austin season. Danny is from outside Boston, and he's blue-collar all the way. Nehemiah is from California and he's the black one. Or at least that's how his roommates see him. Rachel served in Iraq. Wes, from Kansas, is the small-town boy who likes to party. Johanna's mom is from Peru, so she's exotic. Melinda is the pretty one with a boyfriend, and she's absolutely sure that she's going to be faithful to him. She's probably wrong. Lacey is a hairdresser, and is also sure she's going to be faithful to her boyfriend. She's probably right. They check out the house, scream, and declare each other best friends for life.

Melinda and Rachel make out, but not because they love attention or anything. When they all inevitably get drunk and go out, Johanna kisses Danny, but he seems more interested in Melinda. Nehemiah and Johanna vow to become friends, although Nehemiah seems interested in a little more. All of the guys ogle Melinda's ass as she bounces around the house in her underwear. Because that's how she always acts, and it's totally not for the cameras or anything. The roommates go out again on the second night, and Johanna gets really drunk. Nehemiah tries to intervene, as Johanna asked him to, and Johanna goes crazy and starts grabbing him and throwing glasses and whatnot. The other roommates miss the whole thing, so they run outside to look for Nehemiah, who wisely vacated the premises.

Somehow, the search party turns into a street fight and Danny gets sucker-punched in the side of the head. And somehow Wes and Danny decide that it's all Nehemiah's fault. Danny goes to the hospital to get his black eye checked out, and finds out that he has a severe fracture of the eye socket and will need surgery. Johanna sort of tries to apologize to Nehemiah, but he's not really interested in her apologies.

Tuesday, June 21

Real World/Road Rules

Bad Asses vs. Good Guys

And, as usual, the Good Guys prevailed. Nothing too exciting, but it's always fun to see the Bad Asses fight (with each other) to the end. Now it's time for RR Austin!

Brilliant Stephen King Column

From Entertainment Weekly:

It's sickening that it takes a columnist in an entertainment magazine to point out that more than 2,000 newspeople covered the Jackson trial — which is only a few hundred more than the number of American servicemen and women who have died in Iraq. On the same day that crowds gathered in Times Square (and around the world) to learn the fate of the Pale Peculiarity, another four suicide bombings took place in that tortured, bleeding country. And if you tell me that news doesn't belong in Entertainment Weekly, I respond by saying Michael Jackson under a black umbrella doesn't belong on the front page of the New York Times.

[. . .]

The media first turned the trial into a freak-show by emphasizing Jackson's peculiarities rather than his humanity, and stoked the ratings with constant, trivializing coverage while other, far more important stories went under-reported or completely ignored in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, North Korea, and Washington, D.C.

The press might respond by saying, "We gave the people what they wanted."

My response would be, "My job is to give them what they want. When he steps into a recording studio, it's Michael Jackson's job to give them what they want. Your job is to give the people what they need."

Let's See Herbie!


"Not since David Cronenberg's Crash has a movie about cars been as sex-obsessed as the allegedly wholesome Disney live-action vehicle Herbie: Fully Loaded, in spite of Lindsay Lohan's PG-13-rated breasts being digitally reduced to a G. Anything set in the world of gearshifts and grinding cylinders can't really avoid it, but something about the ripe Lohan coming of age among aggressive alpha-males seems inappropriate, even before the creepy innuendo slips in. Then there's randy old Herbie, whose cutesy-poo affection for a spanking-new yellow VW bug turns a little too adult when his antenna salutes in attention. The family-friendly joke seems to be 'Look, kids, those cars want to fuck!'"

Let's See Bewitched!


"Bewitched piles miscalculation upon miscalculation, beginning by casting the iron-willed Kidman, one of film's gutsiest and most fearless actresses, as a regressive pre-feminist dumb-blonde doormat, a sort of mildly retarded amalgam of Marilyn Monroe, Renée Zellweger, and Meg Ryan."

Tuesday Tube

MTV 10-11PM
Watch for fights, hook-ups and drunkeness

A Katie Couric Special (NBC) Katie chats with Jennifer Wilbanks (the runaway bride)

I Want to Be a Hilton (NBC, TV-PG)

Katie's Missing Days

An interesting (and with a fairly negative tone, so as to conform to the newly posted TomKat rules here at Sluts) article I happened to come across this afternoon......


The newly engaged Katie Holmes still has some explaining to do to her friends and family. There were 16 days in April during which no one seems to know where she was. Holmes made a public appearance on April 4 at the premiere of "Steel Magnolias" on Broadway. She came with her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, and a couple of other friends. They were there to support Rebecca Gayheart, who was making her Broadway debut.

I know this because I spoke to Holmes at length during the play's intermission. She said she had just moved into her New York apartment and was looking forward to seeing the city.

I also know that on April 4, she had not yet made the acquaintance of Tom Cruise. She briefly dated Josh Hartnett after breaking up with actor Chris Klein.

Hartnett, Klein, Cruise: Which of these three is not like the others?

Klein and Hartnett are young and tall. Cruise is middle-aged and height-challenged. On the other hand, he's the biggest movie star in the world. They are not.

Holmes was busy during that first week in April. On April 7, she was photographed at the Fragrance Foundation's FiFi event. Four days later, Holmes was still in New York and was photographed at VH1's "Save the Music" concert. She still had not met Cruise. Sometime that week, her friends say, she flew to Los Angeles for a meeting with Cruise about a role in "Mission: Impossible 3." The meeting took place after April 11.

The next time anyone heard from Holmes was on April 27, when she appeared in public as Cruise's girlfriend and love of his life. Where was she during those 16 days?

Somewhere during that time, she decided to fire both her manager and agent, each of whom she had been with for years and who were devoted to her. The manager, John Carrabino, also handles Renée Zellweger and is beloved by his clients. Holmes also acquired a new best friend, Jessica Feshbach, the daughter of Joe Feshbach, a controversial Palo Alto, Calif., bond trader.

The Feshbach family, according to published documents, has donated millions to the Church of Scientology. Jessica's aunt even runs a Scientology center in Florida. According to Richard Behar's now famous 1991 story in Time magazine about Scientology, the Feshbachs were the subject of congressional hearings in 1989. Behar wrote: "The heads of several companies claimed that Feshbach operatives have spread false information to government agencies and posed in various guises — such as a Securities and Exchange Commission official — in an effort to discredit the companies and drive the stocks down. "Michael Russell, who ran a chain of business journals, testified that a Feshbach employee called his bankers and interfered with his loans. Sometimes the Feshbachs send private detectives to dig up dirt on firms, which is then shared with business reporters, brokers and fund managers." The risk-taking Feshbachs, known the world over for making their fortune "shorting" stocks, and the level-headed, conservative Holmeses would be a difficult mix at a dinner table.

Katie's father, Martin Holmes, is the senior partner in a large and respected Toledo, Ohio, law firm. His son, Martin Jr., has recently joined the firm. He's a Harvard graduate. Katie's mom, Kathy, is frequently cited in Toledo for her charity work. There is some fear among Holmes' close circle that her instant romance with Cruise is not as organic as portrayed.

For one thing, Holmes was raised a strict Catholic. Also, gone from the picture are two close Holmes friends who used to be with her when she did publicity for a film. One of these is Meghann Birie, a childhood friend who has suddenly disappeared from Holmes' world. Another, a local TV producer here in New York, was too afraid to discuss the situation with me.

We know that Cruise auditioned several actresses for this role before settling on Holmes. This column reported a story about Jennifer Garner. There have been published stories about Kate Bosworth, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba being approached.

A newer one involves Scarlett Johansson, who ran for her life when presented with a fait accompli dinner at the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Hollywood.

And history has been rewritten since the April 27 unveiling.

Curiously, since the Cruise-Holmes situation popped up, we have heard over and over again that Cruise was the young actress' idol when she was growing up. That's certainly interesting because all of the publicity that used to run on Holmes — still found all over the Internet — lists another Tom as her favorite actor.

That would be Tom Hanks

Could it be true?

Billy Corgan took out ads in Chicago newspapers to announce that he's reviving The Smashing Pumpkins! Yes! That band is like Seinfeld. They are much better when they are together.

Spin names top albums of last 20 years

Radiohead's OK Computer is number one. Yeah!

Anyone have the rest of the list?


And now news that Scarlett Johansson dropped out of Mission: Impossible 3 because Cruise tried to convert her to scientology! Run for your life, Felicity! Run for your life!

New Cruise/Holmes Rules

They may be mentioned only if it's negative.

Katie Holmes was dropped from the Batman sequel. She's supposedly being replaced by a "stronger actress" who won't freak out about Tom Cruise during interviews about the movie.

Serves you right, you starfucker.

The Sith Lord Kills Oprah

I peed my pants when I saw this.

Monday, June 20


Did I mention his performance at the MTV Movie Awards? First of all, what was he doing there? He's not in a movie. He was. Once. A few years back. Not this year. Second, he's lost me. I'm over his music. I used to think it was brilliant, but now it's all the same to me. Third, what were the big-booty puppets all about?

Celebrities becoming horses

Teri Hatcher.

Hilary Swank.


The Comeback

I'm not sure if I can watch this show anymore. I love Lisa Kudrow, but they're pushing the limits on how much I can tolerate a characters. I guess that's the point?

Bad Education

Y Tu Mama, Tambien, Talk To Her and Amores Perros made me fall in love with Latin cinema. This past weekend, I finally saw Bad Education, which is a Pedro Almodavor film, which means its emotions are huge, its sensibility is eccentric, and the filmmkaing is beautiful. This, more than any movie I can remember in recent history, reminded me of an Alfred Hitchcock film. Very, very twisty. Only there wasn't a blond bombshell (Janet Leigh or Kim Novak). There was a transvestite named Ignacio, sort of played by Gael Garcia Bernal.

Check it out.

Star Wars Episode III

I was prepared for a major letdown. But this movie was fucking awesome! Very dark, violent and intelligent.

My New Best Friend

Is Brian McFayden, host of Beauty and the Geek. I met him at a friend's BBQ and he could not be a nicer, funnier guy. We ended up hanging out pretty much the entire night. He said season 2 of the show is coming.... soon.


EW's best picks for tonight?

Celebrity Charades-AMC 9-9:30
Wildfire-ABC Family 8-10
Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life-Lifetime 9-11

Are they serious? Best picks?


Much better to read Media Sluts. There's no snark over at EW.



There's a scapegoat in the brewing scandal in Ohio again, per the Toledo Blade. A staffer for Governor Bob Taft has been DEMOTED:

The investment scandal at the Ohio Bureau of Workers’ Compensation escalated yesterday as Gov. Bob Taft purged one of his high-ranking employees for keeping him out of the loop about a $215 million loss in the months leading to the presidential election.

Yes, the Governor's office has found someone to punish for the loss of $215 million. And, here's what he got:

Mr. Samuel, who in July, 2003, joined the governor’s office as an executive assistant for business and industry after working eight years for the bureau, is being demoted to a post in the taxation department. He’ll work on tax amnesty programs, with his salary trimmed from $80,000 to $76,000, Mr. Rickel said.

In Ohio, you're involved with the folks who lose $215 million in state money, you have your pay docked $4,000. Man, those Republicans are tough on each other.

Major GOP fundraiser/Bush Pioneer Tom Noe only "lost" $12 million from the rare-coin debacle. That will probably garner someone a promotion.

Friday, June 17

A Note From The Editor

We will no longer mention Tom Cruise or Katie Holmes.

A Good Way To Spend Your Afternoon

Celebrities Eating

Late Night

"It was reported that since the verdict was announced, sales of Michael Jackson's CDs have gone up significantly. After hearing about it, Michael Bolton announced he sleeps with young boys."
--Conan O'Brien

"President Bush said I wish I could wave a magic wand and lower gas prices. And then he said I wish I could wave a magic wand and bring the troops home. And he said I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix health care. And I was thinking this guy waves his wand more than Clinton."
--David Letterman

"Last night in his speech, President Bush called for a complete overhaul of the tax code. He said he was shocked to find out that some millionaires in this country were still paying taxes."
--Jay Leno

Thursday, June 16

Oh, Madonna. You British Slag.

Funny video of her getting all hot in an interview.

Shake, Rattle & Roll

Well, that was fun. We just had a 5.3 magnitude earthquake. There was a bit of shaking going on, but nothing serious.

The Onion Headling of the Week

"Enchanted By Own Innocence, Michael Jackson Molests Self"

Coming in at a close second: "Life At Neverland Ranch Returns To Ludicrous"

Stop it.

Nick Carter... please stop saying Nirvana is an influence. You may have liked them, but your music is crap and sounds nothing remotely like Nirvana.

Tom Hanks to Play Deep Throat

I thought he already won an Oscar for this...

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Anorexia

Calista Flockhart is in talks to play Indiana Jones' love interest in Indy 4. Wonder how she got that audition?

Another Letterman Top 10

Top Ten Perks Of Being The New White House Dog

10. You're one of the few dogs that is smarter than his master.

9. Heart worm? I think Cheney's got a pill for that.

8. If you eat the President's briefing papers, it's not like he'll notice.

7. "Miss Beazley" isn't half as ridiculous as "Condoleezza"

6. K-9 color blindness means you don't have to worry about that terror chart crap.

5. Cannont be put in a kennel without approval of both the House and Senate.

4. Rumsfeld smells like bacon.

3. Get the same high-quality leashes that are used on Abu Ghraib prisoners.

2. At the rate Bush's Cabinet members are leaving, will be a senior advisor in no time.

1. An owner who sleeps as much as you do!

Wednesday, June 15


The new Coldplay album, of course, sold a ton of records in its first week. It got relatively mixed reviews. I am underwhelmed, but I still love it. "Fix You" may be their best song to date. And there's quite a few nifty hooks. However, it doesn't move too far from where Rush Of Blood To Your Head left off. And that album was a giant step forward from Parachutes. So I'm dissapointed. But, like U2, maybe Coldplay works in phases. And a giant leap may be coming with their new album.


Keri Russell (think Felicity) has joined the cast of Mission: Impossible 3. Good casting. Should be pretty tight since the director happens to be J.J. Alias Lost Felicty Abrams.

Top Ten Ways George Bush Can Regain His Popularity

From David Letterman.

10. Dip into social security fund to give every American free HBO

9. Use diplomacy to bring peace to Brad, Jen and Angelina

8. Try fixing Iraq, creating some jobs, reducing the deficit and maybe capturing Osama

7. Figure out a way for the Yankees to win a game

6. Replace his "country simpleton" persona with more lovable "hillbilly idiot" image

5. Use weekly radio address to give Americans a Van Halen twofer

4. Get Saddam to switch to boxers

3. Ditch the librarian and make Eva Longoria First Lady

2. Resign

1. Jump on Oprah's couch while professing his love for Katie Holmes

(Sorry this blog has gotten so political lately. But it's my blog. And politics are interesting when we have stupid people in office.)

Pac-Man is 25

Wow. Think about how far technology has come since then. Scary.

Giving Us Something To Look Forward To

Paris Hilton is going to retire from public life in two years.

I have so many jokes in my head, but I think you're having the same ones. I'll let you make your own joke.

Lynching Update

Latest list of Republican pro-lynching Senators

The latest list is up on Thomas. We mistakenly didn't add Hutchison (R-TX) and Kyl (R-AZ) to the list of bad guys. They did NOT cosponsor. They're on the bad guy list now. And remember, they can still cosponsor retroactively, so why haven't they? Call now.

And don't forget to read how Bill Frist vetoed having a roll call vote on the lynching resolution, and how he refused to have the resolution come up during the day when the media would be aware of it.

Lamar Alexander (R-TN) - (202) 224-4944
Robert Bennett (R-UT) - (202) 224-5444
Thad Cochran (R-MS) - (202) 224-5054
John Cornyn (R-TX) - (202) 224-2934
Michael Crapo (R-ID) - (202) 224-6142
Michael Enzi (R-WY) - (202) 224-3424
Chuck Grassley (R-IA) - (202) 224-3744
Judd Gregg (R-NH) - (202) 224-3324
Orrin Hatch (R-UT) - (202) 224-5251
Kay Hutchison (R-TX) - (202) 224-5922
Jon Kyl (R-AZ) - (202) 224-4521
Trent Lott (R-MS) - (202) 224-6253
Richard Shelby (R-AL) - (202) 224-5744
John Sununu (R-NH) - (202) 224-2841
Craig Thomas (R-WY) - (202) 224-6441

George Voinovich (R-OH)
Lisa Murkowski (R-AK)

---Hey George!! What took so long, buddy?????

Life Aquatic

I wanted to love this movie. I didn't. Wes Anderson's previous films (especially Rushmore and Royal Tanenbaums) are among my favorites. This one was just... stale.

Real World/Road Rules

Who's going to win? I'm going with the good guys. They've been on a role lately.

Interesting Article RE: Anti-Lynching

From OnlineAthens:

The U.S. Senate did the right thing Monday in approving a resolution apologizing for the body's failure to pass anti-lynching laws during the first half of this century. But senators need not congratulate themselves too heartily.

While 80 of the Senate's 100 members, including Georgia senators Saxby Chambliss and Johnny Isakson, signed on as co-sponsors of the resolution, the world's greatest deliberative body was looking for all the cover it could find in executing the vote. The issue was debated at night and resolved with a voice vote.

In a voice vote, senators indicate support for, or opposition to, a measure in unison, meaning there is no individual accountability.

Sen. Mary Landrieu, the Louisiana Democrat who was a chief sponsor of the bill along with Republican Sen. George Allen of Virginia, offered some insight into the Senate's handling of the resolution in an interview with the Associated Press. Asked why the debate was held at night and the vote on the resolution was a voice vote, Landrieu said both were the result of her acceptance of conditions offered by the Senate's leadership.

There were nearly 5,000 victims of lynchings - the vast majority of them black - between 1882 and 1968. During those years, almost 200 anti-lynching bills were introduced in Congress. The House of Representatives passed three such measures between 1920 and 1940.

None ever made their way through the Senate, as Southern senators used the filibuster, extending debate as a delaying tactic. According to Allen, as quoted by the Associated Press, senators opposed to anti-lynching legislation over the years spent a total of six weeks filibustering against such measures.

So, with the blood of 4,743 lynching victims crying out from the ground for some measure of justice - however delayed it might be - the U.S. Senate used the cover of night, and the more despicable cover of a voice vote, to take not a bold and courageous stand, but a lukewarm acceptance of responsibility for one of the most heinous chapters in American history.

Allen, in comments to the Associated Press meant to praise his Senate colleagues, said, "It's not easy for people to apologize, but I think it does show the character of the Senate today."

The vote certainly did show "the character of the Senate," and found the body sorely lacking in that commodity.

Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., was closer to the mark. An Associated Press report from Tuesday quotes Kerry as saying, "It's a statement in itself that there aren't 100 co-sponsors."

The United States has been struggling since the civil-rights era began in the 1960s to extricate itself from a shameful past in which many of its citizens were denied rights as basic as the right to vote, and were treated harshly as they attempted to assert their rightful place in this country.

Landrieu and Allen were, in fact, motivated to introduce the resolution by the recently released book "Without Sanctuary, Lynching Photography in America." The book features a collection of photos, taken in many instances by participants in the killings.

The resolution apologizing for its inaction with regard to anti-lynching legislation provided the Senate with a real opportunity to take a stand against the past. Senators should have taken a much bolder approach to the issue.


What a nasty little film. I loved it. Especially when Clive Owen goes OFF on Julia Roberts. All of the characters are not what you think, and all of them are nastier than you expect. A great little diatribe on how much love can suck. And why Natalie Portman is every guys' dream.

Did you hear the one about Brad and Angelina?

Apparently J. Aniston wanted B. Pitt's babies but he slept with Angelina and ruined everything. It's all in Page Six. And later in Vanity Fair.

Bush Hearts Porn Stars

Porn star slash California gubernatorial candidate, Mary Cary, went to a Bush fundraiser. Pictures here. What the fuck is up with this?

E!'s Scoop on Alias

From ibwhisper: I hear if you pause the last few seconds of Alias' finale, the person in the other car has a mask on. Any truth to this? Was Vaughn hit on purpose?

Kristin: I'm hearing it was intentional, yes. Which is funny, 'cause if M.V. was proposing to someone else, I would totally run her off the road.

Daniel: Oooooh, this is getting good.

Have You Contacted Your Senator Yet?

Ohio Senator Voinovich, among others, did not support the anti-lynching resolution. Have you emailed or called them yet?

Lamar Alexander (R-TN)
Robert Bennett (R-UT)
Thad Cochran (R-MS)
John Cornyn (R-TX)
Michael Crapo (R-ID)
Michael Enzi (R-WY)
Chuck Grassley (R-IA)
Judd Gregg (R-NH)
Orrin Hatch (R-UT)
Trent Lott (R-MS)
Lisa Murkowski (R-AK)
Richard Shelby (R-AL)
John Sununu (R-NH)
Craig Thomas (R-WY)
George Voinovich (R-OH)

Contact them Here

Tuesday, June 14

30 Days

Set Your Tivo's, kids!! This looks interesting.

30 Days: Super-Size Me’s Morgan Spurlock gives people 30 days to experience something new [FX, June 15, Wednesdays at 10 p.m.]

Why Only One Hour?

Bravo will bring together “more than 50 reality TV stars who will dish out all the dirt from 20 reality shows,” the network said. The result will be a one-hour special, the All-Star Reality Reunion. The special will air later this year. All the cast members will gather in a studio to talk, but hopefully they’ll be compensated well enough so they don’t throw a shit-fit like The Real World cast did at the show’s 10th anniversary reunion.

---interesting but I wonder if we'll be stuck with people like Zora from "Joe Millionaire" and other lesser-known celebrity-wannabees.

Let's Hope No One Gets "Kerrigan'd"

Perhaps the only thing less startling than an ABC announcement that it has ordered a second six-episode edition of its surprisingly successful Dancing with the Stars summer reality series (an announcement that the network has not yet formally made, but is expected soon) was yesterday's Fox announcement that the derivative network is launching Skating With Celebrities, its own copycat edition of the ABC series.

Copying the format of ABC's unique series and simply moving the participants from the ballroom floor to the ice rink, Fox's six-episode Skating With Celebrities series will feature six celebrities paired up with well-known professional figure skaters. Like Dancing with the Stars, Skating With Celebrities' pairs will compete in weekly elimination performances.

"If it's interesting to see celebrities master ballroom dancing, it's going to be incredibly interesting to see if they can master a double axel and a spin," Fox vice president Mike Darnell told Daily Variety. "Watching a celebrity try to master something this intricate is going to be compelling to watch. We expect a lot of falls and a lot of nerves."

---Now tell me, why can't we bring back Battle Of The Network Stars??????

Sounds Like......

Celebrities give their best performances for a good cause in an original series, "Celebrity Charades," on U.S. cable television's AMC. Participants in the five episodes include Stanley Tucci, Lorraine Bracco, Julianna Margulies, Bebe Neuwirth, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Billy Baldwin, Hank Azaria, Rosie Perez and Carson Kressley.

The show, taped in a New York City loft apartment, premieres June 20 at 9 p.m. EDT and runs for five consecutive nights. Actor Chad Lowe, director-actor Bob Balabanm of "Gosford Park" and Oscar-winning actress Hilary Swank are the executive producers.

The series puts a new spin on the old parlor game as celebrities mime movie titles for their individual charitable causes and later dinner is served and the guests mingle.

Clothes Whore

Pop idol (or is Reality Star?) Jessica Simpson is preparing to roll out her own clothing lines, with the clothes timed to hit U.S. stores when her new movie hits the theaters.

--How have I lived this long without being able to buy clothes with her name on them?

Guilty Pleasure Continues

Blind Date is being renewed for a seventh season!

Is YOUR Senator Listed?


Better question: Who ISN'T listed?

This Pisses Me Off!

From NY Times:

WASHINGTON, June 13 - Anthony Crawford's granddaughter went to her grave without speaking a word to her own children about his lynching, so painful was the family history. On Monday, Mr. Crawford's descendants came to the Capitol to tell it - and to accept a formal apology from the Senate for its repeated failure, despite the requests of seven presidents, to enact a federal law to make lynching a crime.

The formal apology, adopted by voice vote, was issued decades after senators blocked antilynching bills by filibuster. The resolution is the first time that members of Congress, who have apologized to Japanese-Americans for their internment in World War II and to Hawaiians for the overthrow of their kingdom, have apologized to African-Americans for any reason, proponents of the measure said.

"The Senate failed you and your ancestors and our nation," Senator Mary L. Landrieu of Louisiana, chief Democratic sponsor of the resolution, said at a luncheon attended by 200 family members and descendants of victims. They included 100 relatives of Anthony Crawford, as well as a 91-year-old man believed to be the only known survivor of an attempted lynching.

He is James Cameron, who in 1930, as a 16-year-old shoeshine boy in Marion, Ind., was accused with two friends of murdering a white man and raping a white woman. His friends were killed. But as Mr. Cameron felt a noose being slipped around his neck, a man in the crowd stepped forward to proclaim Mr. Cameron's innocence. Mr. Cameron came here in a gray suit and a wheelchair, his voice shaky but his memories apparently fresh.

"They took the rope off my neck, those hands that had been so rough and ready to kill or had already killed, they took the rope off of my neck and they allowed me to start walking and stagger back to the jail, which was just a half-block away," Mr. Cameron told a news conference. "When I got back to the jail, the sheriff said, 'I'm going to get you out of here for safekeeping.' "

He learned only later, he said, that the sheriff was a member of the Ku Klux Klan. "I was saved," Mr. Cameron said, "by a miracle."

There have been 4,742 recorded lynchings in American history, Ms. Landrieu said. Historians suspect that many more went undocumented. Although the House passed antilynching legislation three times in the first half of the 20th century, the Senate, controlled by Southern conservatives, repeatedly refused to do so. Senator George Allen of Virginia, chief Republican sponsor of the new resolution, called it "this stain on the history of the United States Senate."

Although the Senate garnered praise on Monday for acting to erase that stain, some critics said lawmakers had a long way to go. Of the 100 senators, 80 were co-sponsors of the resolution, and because it passed by voice vote, senators escaped putting themselves on record.

"It's a statement in itself that there aren't 100 co-sponsors," Senator John Kerry, Democrat of Massachusetts, said. "It's a statement in itself that there's not an up-or-down vote."

Others described the resolution as an act of expediency for Mr. Allen, who is a likely presidential candidate and who has been criticized for displaying a Confederate flag at his home and a noose in his law office. Mr. Allen said that they were part of collections of flags and Western paraphernalia and that he was motivated not by politics, but by a plea by Dick Gregory, the civil rights advocate, who wrote him a letter urging him not to "choose to do nothing."

The memories were especially painful for the relatives of Anthony Crawford, whose family was torn apart by the lynching. Mr. Crawford had been a wealthy black landowner in Abbeville, S.C., a cotton farmer, registered voter and community leader who founded a school for black children and a union for black families. In 1916, after a dispute with a white man over the price of cotton seed, he was hanged from a pine tree and shot more than 200 times. His family lost his land, and the relatives scattered.

"Someone is finally recognizing our pain," said Alberta Merriwether, a retired schoolteacher who is his great-granddaughter and whose mother never spoke of the lynching.

Mrs. Merriwether's aunt Magdalene Latimer, 84, was not so certain about the senators. "I have to let God be the judge," Ms. Latimer said, "because I don't know if they meant it out of their heart or they're just saying it out of their mouth."

Monday, June 13

MJ Innocent

Okay, let's all move on now. Pack it up and head home, folks. It's over now.

Thursday, June 9

Free Katie

She's been kidnapped by scientology. Free Katie.

Forget Jolie

The real story is how this man defies age.

It's scary how much I want this thing

A big, giant, inflatable home theater. I've always dreamed of ye.

Never heard of Plugg Jeans

Until now. A billboard ad for Plugg Jeans was forced to be taken down in Time Square. See the ad.

New Radiohead Album

We have a while, but in the meantime, here's what Thom Yorke said recently about it:

"It's going well. It's a bit like Kid A-- we're going through a period of change. But that's good. We'll get there."


Charlie & The Chocolate Factory looks so strange. I can't wait!


I hate the trailer.

Wednesday, June 8

Blow Out

First of all, this show sucks. The owner of the salon is the gayest individual on the Earth and isn't tricking anyone when he pretends to be into chicks. Except, oh wait, Scotty is even gayer and he and his "mentor" are so bitchy.

And I've actually met Scotty. I wasn't aware that he was a guest star on Blow Out, but I knew he was a hair designer. He's literally like 3 foot 9 and is friends with a guy I work with. Yes, he acts like that in real life. He's kind of like a leprechan.

One more thing. If I ever saw someone in person wearing a sports jacket, a button down shirt unbuttoned, with a mid-drift shirt and a silver shiny design, I would throw them off the bus.

Worst. Show. Ever.

I love stuff like this

The first map to call America "America" and to recognize that Earth is a sphere sold for $1,000,000. (I bought it.) CNN has an article about it.

Six Feet Under

I know how the season ends. I'm not telling.

Lost Gossip

From mino: Saw the box on your column over the weekend--so, Michelle Rodriguez is official?

Kristin (E!): Sí. She's a series regular next season. Says Damon: "Michele's character (Ana-Lucia) will be as purposefully shrouded in mystery as humanly possible. I can only assume there will be significant hunger for her backstory, but as the flashbacks have become the stealth 'franchise' of the show, giving away anything about her would amount to a significant spoiler...But we know she was sitting in the back of the plane. And we also know she's on the show next year...So, draw your own conclusions. If I were a betting man, I'd say some of those tail-folk just might have survived." Did you hear that Rose? He's aliiive!

From togamax: What did you think of the Lost finale? You haven't said much about it.

Kristin: I thought it was beautifully shot and written and acted, etc., but, like most of you, I did expect a few more answers. I know some of you feel I oversold it a bit, and if you do feel that way, I'm truly sorry, but you should know, based on the tidbits I knew (the Others stealing Walt and blowing up the raft; the hatch opening), I really did expect some big reveals. The good news? I hear that first episode next season they are going down the hatch, so hopefully we will see the light!

The Simpsons: The Movie

Word is that it's in production. At least that's what Bart (Nancy Cartwright) has said. Cowabunga!

Plainly Dressed

Looks like Selma Blair has been shopping at Plainly Dressed.

Six Feet Under

Perfect way to open the season: depressing as all hell. Here's Television Without Pity:
It looks like we're starting the final season with Happily Ever After, at least at first glance. Nate and Brenda are pregnant and getting married. David and Keith are taking steps towards parenthood. George is coming home from the nuthouse. Claire and Billy are in "a good place." And Rico is making peace with his new singlehood by cutting a wide swath through L.A.'s community of dull women. But all is not well. Ruth's having trouble dealing with George, who still isn't all there even after taking a few hundred volts through the skull. David and Keith are having trouble agreeing on how to go about becoming dads. Claire's having trouble ignoring her brothers' concerns about Billy and taking smacks across the chops from her mom. Rico is boring the shit out of me. And Brenda wakes up the morning before the wedding to find herself...not pregnant anymore. Which nets her a fun round of Dueling Brides with the ghost of Lisa, who is less than sympathetic. Well, it wouldn't be a Fisher wedding if everyone wasn't miserable, now, would it? Welcome the fuck back, everybody.

Goodbye, Mrs. Robinson

Anne Bancroft died.

I'm so glad they accept Visa

But how many Amish shop on the internets for their clothes?

Interesting Observation on MJ

Was watching Nancy Grace last night (not on purpose.... just happened to leave it on CNN) and she made an interesting observation about Michael Jackson and his well-time "sick outs" in relation to various accusations and key moments in a trial (remember the spider bite a few years back?)

Anyhow, just thought it was interesting since I had made a similar observation a few months back and even had a list of excuses that Michael could use when the going got tough.

Lindsey Blowhan

TVgasm has learned from a source close to Lindsay Lohan that her shrinking, frail frame is not the result of an eating disorder, but of a coke addiction mixed with diet pill abuse.

Rumors have been circulating the Hollywood party scene for quite a while about Lindsay's bathroom stall antics with other celebutants such as Nicole Richie and even an Olsen twin, though TVgasm didn't really care on account of the fact that it was Lindsay Lohan and even in a vacuum, she sucks.

But once an acquaintance of mine, and part of the Lohan elite, agreed to give me some confirmation information on conditions of anonymity, suddenly it peaked my journalistic interest. Crazy Blowhan's "partying is getting out of control," the source reports. "She's gone from occasional coke use to a full on fiend; it's scary."

Tuesday, June 7

Why Is This Newsworthy?

I'm embarassed to admit that Katie Holmes is from Toledo (yep, another Ohio connection, folks). I would have thought she was raised better than this, but evidently not.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Katie Holmes says she's more in love with Tom Cruise with each passing day. "I've got to tell you, the most extraordinary thing happened to me one day in April when I met Tom," she told syndicated TV show "Access Hollywood" in an interview set to air Monday night. "I'm more and more in love every day. It's like, `Wow.'"

The 26-year-old actress also said that she enjoyed Cruise's profession of love on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" last month. "I sat there and saw that and said, `I am the luckiest woman in the world.'"

A starry-eyed Cruise got down on his knees and repeatedly jumped up on the talk-show host's couch, saying that his love for Holmes was "beyond cool."

When asked if she felt hesitant about joining Cruise in front of the show's audience when he went backstage for her, she replied, "I was excited. ... When Tom calls for me, I'm coming." "I miss him right now," she said, "and it's been like one hour."

At the taping of the 2005 MTV Movie Awards in Los Angeles Saturday, Holmes poked fun at Cruise's "Oprah" appearance by dropping down on one knee and asking the crowd, "Should I go get him?" Cruise, 42, laughed as he accepted a lifetime achievement award from Holmes.


It's out today. I haven't heard it yet, but here's some reviews:

Pitchfork Media gives it 4.7 out of 10.
"Don't Panic", the opening track of Coldplay's first album, drew its title from the famous motto of Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy novels. Two albums later, it seems they chose the wrong Adams catchphrase; most of their recorded output is better exemplified by the Guide's description of Earth: "Mostly harmless." In their seven years together, Coldplay have risen to monumental levels of popularity on a potent mixture of nice-guy charm, serviceable songwriting, and general inoffensiveness. Unfortunately, these aren't the kind of traits that often lead to interesting music. Not that the band hasn't taken the occasional stabs at creativity and innovation; it's just that those attempts have always been carefully measured, or even nervously self-conscious.

Coldplay have never seemed intent on world domination, but as their early singles caught on, journalists came waving raves. Then, with nearly 5 million copies of Parachutes sold worldwide and their popularity on the upswing, the band's sophomore album, A Rush of Blood to the Head, found the band unsure of how to advance. Luckily for them, their decision to virtually recreate Parachutes on a larger budget paid off commercially: The album got them tagged as "the next U2," a ridiculously off-base coronation that ignores the fact that U2 recorded "I Will Follow", "New Year's Day", "Bad", and The Joshua Tree, among others, before they wandered off into the MOR wilderness.

Coldplay, meanwhile, started in the middle of the road and haven't strayed since. Granted, they've produced a handful of good songs-- "Don't Panic", "Shiver", and "The Scientist" are all fine achievements, while "Clocks" remains a great piano part in search of an equally great melody-- but their albums have yet to justify the critical hyperbole, and their third full-length, X&Y, isn't going to be the one to lock that down. Though dressed to the nines in big guitars and faultless musicianship, X&Y is unable to lay claim to even a single song equal to any of the high points from their first two albums, and the band's obvious desire to be all things to all people doesn't help: They long to be huge and expansive, in The Unforgettable Fire mode ("A Message"), tear-jerking AOR balladeers ("Fix You"), and hip, Kraftwerk-referencing aesthetes ("Talk"), but at heart, they're really built for easy listening, which makes their rockers feel cursory and their ballads simpering.

X&Y is sequenced fast-song/slow-song through almost its entire running order, which means those of you uninterested in wading through doe-eyed love songs based on lazy rhyming couplets and trite resolutions have already lost half a disc's worth of music. You'll "go backwards and then/ You'll go forwards again." You'll "get lost and then get found." You'll notice that the first verse of "Swallowed in the Sea" ("You cut me down a tree/ And brought it back to me/ And that's what made me see/ Where I was coming from") is somehow meaningless, yet also cliched. Had Coldplay accompanied these lyrics with remotely interesting or memorable music, this could be somewhat overlooked; sadly, "Swallowed in the Sea" is one of several aggressively banal ballads that sink this album into a sort of neo-Carpenters abyss.

The more uptempo tracks here tend to be light years better than their leaden counterparts, if only because the louder accompaniment manages to drown out more of Chris Martin's lyrics and bring the focus to his pleasant if unspectacular vocals. Guitarist John Buckland does his part to bring life to the proceedings: He's an encyclopedia of Will Sergeant and Johnny Marr-isms, and even if most of his window dressings are little more than a distillation of tricks learned from better bands, he does a nice job of providing the illusion of a grand gesture for songs like "Square One" and "White Shadows". Martin's vocals, meanwhile, rarely command attention, content to melt into the string synthesizer and guitar reverb as if he hopes he's not imposing on you. Listening back to an earlier track like "Shiver" proves he's capable of more.

Lending to the uninspired nature is lead single "Speed of Sound"'s uncanny resemblance to "Clocks". Certainly, it rarely hurts to stick with what works, but this is not just a near-exact replica of its successful predecessor; it's also a less memorable song riding a piano hook that has so deeply infiltrated the pop-culture landscape that I've become numb to it. In fairness, the track's vocal melody outperforms the one from "Clocks" by a hair, but without a strong hook, the song fails in the one category it needs to succeed in: replay value. It's symptomatic of the rest of the album, and indeed, much of the band's catalog to date: Like Coldplay's two previous albums, only more so, X&Y is bland but never offensive, listenable but not memorable. It may be pointless to hate them, but with this album, they've almost certainly become the easiest band on the planet to be completely indifferent to.

E! gives it an A:

Coldplay took nearly 18 months to finish its third album. The British lads recorded in eight studios in five cities in two countries. They reportedly even threw away nearly 60 songs before getting it down to the final tunes for the album. Such is the pressure of following up 2002's A Rush of Blood to the Head, which sold 10 million copies, not to mention having a lead singer who's one half of a tabloid-titillating entertainment-industry power couple. The finished product sounds, well, a lot like Coldplay's first two albums. There are no major surprises, and inspiration still comes from old U2 and Radiohead records. But it is full of earnest, emotional and affecting piano ballads like "Fix You" and "A Message" that only get better with time. Some may call it repetitious, but with songs so beautifully crafted, everyone should agree that X&Y equals A.

Rolling Stone gives it 3/5 stars:

Coldplay didn't seem destined for bigness. Their 2000 debut, Parachutes, was full of drizzly but pretty rock ballads that were almost memorable enough to prevent American listeners from confusing the band with Travis. Of course, that album also included a huge, soaring song called "Yellow," which may well be inspiring a drunken singalong in your local bar as you read this.

"Yellow" was a smash, but what came next was even smashier. In 2002, Coldplay released A Rush of Blood to the Head, which perfectly captured the heady feeling of a small band acting big. The band's sad-sack frontman, Chris Martin, transformed himself with so much swagger and so many hooks that even 50 Cent had to pay tribute, turning Martin's ambivalent lyric into a greasy boast: "God gave me style, God gave me grace." The rest of the band supplied Martin with propulsive rhythms,
giving their newly pushy leader something to pull against, and the songs were even better; the band had mastered the art of writing graceful ballads that were both deceptively simple and fiendishly hard to dislodge from the human brain.

Since then, Martin has become a worldwide rock star, for better and for worse. He has a wife named Gwyneth and a baby named Apple, who just turned one, and who probably already knows what "paparazzi" means. On the other hand, Martin's newfound notoriety has meant more exposure for his favorite causes, such as fair trade. Compared to all the hubbub about Chris Martin the celebrity, his band's return to the American pop charts was a bit of a letdown. Coldplay began the campaign for X&Y with "Speed of Sound," an appealing but not thrilling song (it sounds a bit like Rush of Blood's "Clocks" but without the swagger). Whereas Rush of Blood was a nervy bid for bigness, X&Y is something less exciting. It's the serious sound of Martin trying to sing songs that match his stature. It's the sound of a blown-up band trying not to deflate.

Like the previous one, this album starts in outer space. Last time, there were those roiling piano chords of "Politik" and an audacious opening: "Look at Earth from outer space/Everyone must find a place." This time there's an atmospheric hum, and Martin murmurs, "The future's for discoverin'/The space in which we're travelin'." Drummer Will Champion enters with a tense rhythm, Guy Berryman adds one of those hurtling- forward bass lines, and Jonny Buckland doubles it with a skinny guitar line -- there's plenty to listen to, but not a lot to love. Luckily, this album contains its share of lovely ballads that sound, well, Coldplay-ish: Thanks to Keane and other imitators, Coldplay's name has become an adjective. One of the best is "Fix You," an unabashedly sentimental song where Martin delivers words of encouragement in a gentle falsetto. "Lights will guide you home/And ignite your bones/And I will try to fix you," he sings, proving once more that no band can deliver a stately rock ballad like this one. And although "Twisted Logic" may be an obvious Radiohead rip-off (with a title that sounds alarmingly Fred Durst-ish), the members find ways to build suspense while progressing toward that inevitable crashing

Still, a surprising number of songs here just never take flight, from "The Hardest Part" (which actually gets less catchy as it goes along) to "A Message," which might actually be too Coldplay-ish: "My song is love," Martin announces, and you might find yourself wishing it weren't. Martin has talked about how hard he worked on this album, and it shows: Nothing on it sounds easy -- maybe 50 Cent made off with a little bit of his style and grace. X&Y does find ways to reward persistent listeners, especially those who make it all the way past the end to the bonus track, "Till Kingdom Come," which is the most casual thing on the album (it starts with Martin counting) and maybe the best.

"I don't know which way I'm going/I don't know which way I've come," he sings, accompanied by little more than an acoustic guitar, and after what's come before, it's an unexpected delight to hear him sound so small again.

Blender gives it 5/5 stars:

Only six years ago, wiseacres dismissed Coldplay as Radiohead Lite; all the melancholy atmosphere, none of the innovation or daring or weirdness. The skeptics disdained singer Chris Martin’s lyrics—shy and goofy, like love notes passed in class—as well as his gangling demeanor, so un-rock-starish that he made The Boy Next Door look like David Lee Roth.The knee-weakening crescendos of Parachutes and A Rush of Blood to the Head made a superstar of Martin, which now only multiplies his sense of feeling torn by attention. On X&Y he’s bamboozled by celebrity attention—bemoaning “all this space I’m taking up” in “White Shadows,” a glassy, urgent pop song—but he also edges into Bono’s rock-prophet territory on the glowering “Twisted Logic,” riding Gothic guitars while urging listeners not to “fight for the wrong side.” Tabloid writers and unfair traders will probably not load the song on their iPods.His dilemma is paired with a subtle sonic upgrade: The serene guitars and limpid drums that make Coldplay the musical equivalent of a hot tub here take a blast of cold water, showing a greater debt to chilly rock soundscapers of the ’80s, from Simple Minds to New Order. The melodies, meanwhile, are the most immediately captivating they’ve written, delivering no shortage of spine-tingling
stadium-rock moments, from a relentless Classic Coldplay™ piano riff in “Speed of Sound” to an unexpected burst of supersized psychedelia in “Low.”At the same time, Martin continues to explore his constant theme: “I fucked up, and I’m sorry.” It’s the focus of “Fix You,” a picture of broken-down love framed by churchy organ. Maybe it’s a trick of his clogged, eccentric voice—an accident of British dentistry—but when he sings “When you love someone and it goes to waste, could it be worse?” he sounds sincere. No wonder Gwyneth went ga-ga for the guy. X&Y will make some rock fans fall apart and blubber into their hankies.

Others will gag and shout “Sissy!” Chris Martin, weaned on the principles of indie rock but with mountainous goals in mind, should pay no heed. His band have
made their masterpiece.

Coin-Gate Update

From The Blade:

COLUMBUS — A half-million dollars of Ohio’s coin money might have been poured into 3,500 bottles of wine stored in a cellar at the suburban Denver home of a former employee of Tom Noe, Colorado authorities say.
Investigators during the weekend took custody of the expansive wine collection, while seizing hundreds of rare coins, about 265 Cuban cigars, documents, invoices, and computers from the home and office of Michael Storeim, a former manager of a subsidiary of Ohio’s $50 million coin venture, said Jacki Tallman, a spokesman for the Jefferson County, Colorado, Sheriff’s Office.

---pretty soon this will all somehow be Paris Hilton's fault.

Monday, June 6

Dammit! I've Been Duped!!!!

Update: It’s a hose job after all. The New York Post’s Michael Star reports: “An ABC spokesman confirmed that the “Lost” credits for Jackson and Wesson were bogus.” links to a Google Groups post where someone admits to adding the fake info.

Interesting Job Title

When did MSNBC promote her to The White Ho?

Moxie CrimeFighter

That is the name of Penn's (Penn & Teller) baby. I'm not making this shit up.

The Osbournes and Rehab

There must be a law that requires one member of the Osbourne family to be in rehab at any given time.

Lost Spoiler

E!: "Michelle Rodriguez joining the cast of Lost for the second season as passenger Ana-Lucia Cortez on the doomed Oceanic Airlines flight 815."

This, along with the Easter Egg I posted earlier, basically confirms that there are more survivors.


It starts tonight. 9pm. Don't be late.

Prediction: The entire Fisher clan dies in the season finale. Just a hunch.

Cum in a Bottle

It's a new fragrance. Lovely, I'm sure.

Lost Easter Egg

1. Go to the "official" Oceanic Airlines Website.

2. At the bottom, where it says "Travellers," enter Hurley's unlucky lottery numbers: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42.

3. Click the "Find" button.

4. Click on the row numbers on the flight's seating chart that match Hurley's numbers.

5. Don't blink.

6. Change shorts.

7. Figure out what the hell it all means.

E!'s Kristin on Alias

Alias (ABC): Holy cliffhanger! The shocking twist at the end of Alias' season finale, in which Vaughn (Michael Vartan) reveals to Sydney (Jennifer Garner) that he's not Vaughn and the newly engaged couple's car is struck head-on by an SUV, had to be the most jaw-dropping, eye-popping moment of the season.

Still, it's not Vaughn I'm worried about. Despite Teddy C.'s predictions that he would leave Alias this season, I have it on the highest authority that Michael Vartan will be back as a series regular when Alias returns for its fifth season. (Please join me in a celebratory Snoopy dance.)

The concern is when we'll see Michael--or anyone on Alias, for that matter. I'm told ABC suits didn't know of Jennifer Garner's pregnancy when they decided to renew the show (given the surprising early pickup, she probably didn't even know herself), and now the higher-ups are in something of a pickle trying to figure out when the show can return.

Sadly, according to a source close to the show, it's becoming unlikely that Alias will return in the fall as planned, instead coming back at a later date. Though waiting a few extra months (or, shudder, possibly longer) to find out Vaughn's bloody secret might send us all to early graves, here's hoping there might be an upside: that ABC takes the time to find a better time than that kiss-of-death slot on Thursday nights...please?

Another Lost Tidbit

Survivor Australia winner Tina Wesson has been cast in ABC’s hit drama Lost — that is, if an IMDB listing is to be believed. Tina will appear as a character named Alex Rousseau, according to the listing. Samuel L. Jackson is also listed as a second-season premiere guest star, which might add to the speculation that this is a hose job.

However, Tina may have actually already filmed a scene for Lost that aired. In the finale, someone from the cabin of a boat hurled a molotov cocktail at the raft, and screen captures of that quick moment show a woman who looks just like Tina. An astute poster at Reality TV World’s message boards suggested that it might be Tina late in May; the listing seems to confirm it.

Timely Back "Ailment" For Jacko

Wow, does this guy have perfect timing or what? I'll bet his lawyers are jumping with glee at his well-timed hospital visit. Who else but MJ could come up with yet another bout of back problems at the precise moment the jurors are due to deliberate his fate?

The TC Report

From NY Daily News:

Quieting Cruise: Mission impossible?

Tom Cruise keeps trying to show the world that Scientology is a friendly faith - but his proselytizing may only fuel the growing perception that he's gone off the rails. The star recently gave an unprecedented six-hour tour of three of the controversial church's facilities to Details' writer Holly Millea.

"I don't believe in hiding things," he told Millea. The "crash-course" included lectures and a gift-wrapped plaque containing Scientology's Code of Honor. Among the 15 tenets Cruise lives by: "Never need praise, approval or sympathy"; "Never fear to hurt another in a just cause" and "Don't desire to be liked or admired." Cruise sent the same plaque to industry executives for the holidays.

Shooting "War of the Worlds" with Steven Spielberg, Cruise went so far as to pitch a Scientology tent on the set, where well-groomed "volunteer ministers" in suits offered massages - called "assists" - to cast and crew. Cruise also opens up about self-reliance ("I don't discuss things with anybody else"), psychiatry ("it's a pseudo-science"), prescription medication ("any drug you put in your system is a poison") and reincarnation (at death, you leave your body and "go get another one").

The article probably won't win over Brooke Shields - who, after Cruise scolded her for using Paxil, said she doesn't take advice from someone who believes in "aliens."

The piece may also delight new Paramount chairman Brad Grey. A well-placed source tells's Jeffrey Wells that Grey wants to renegotiate Cruise's "massive and unreasonable" back-end deal for "Mission: Impossible 3." Struck by Grey's predecessor, Sherry Lansing, it's said to give Cruise 30% of the first-dollar gross.

Cruise's Scientology missionary work, his gushing about girlfriend Katie Holmes and his jumping on Oprah's couch are said to play into Paramount's desire to weaken Cruise in the public eye and thus at the negotiating table.

A Paramount rep had no immediate comment.

Paris Leading Bid to Host 2012 Olympics

Wow... what ISN'T she capable of?

Oh wait, I bet they mean Paris... as in the CITY..... whoops... my bad.....

Friday, June 3

I'm no longer hungry, just weirded out

Check out this website. It's called Crying, While Eating. And it's people crying while they eat.


The Backstreet Boys are back! They are so lame I can't even stand it. Give me N'Sync instead.


I'm looking forward to this movie. But I'm annoyed that it's directed by the guy who did Mrs. Doubtfire. What, in that movie (or Home Alone or Harry Potter, for that matter), could've prepared him for Rent? (Although, I guess Rent does have a character or two that dresses in drag.)


When did CNN turn into People Magazine?

Beauty and the Geek

This may be my favorite reality show EVER. Well, at least my favorite reality show that Ashton Kutcher is somehow attached to. It's set up a bit like a dating show, but it's really more about (get ready, this is going to be cheesy) social tolerance and making yourself a better person. Awwww.

So it begins with Brian McFayden, who I thought left MTV and was working at the local Baskin Robbins, bringing 7 hot ass girls and 7 smart ass boys to the same mansion where they filmed Boy Meets Boy, or maybe it was Joe Millionaire. He explains the process, "This is not a dating show. This is a social experiment, to see if beautiful women can turn geeks into social superstars - and can a group of geeks help these beautiful women become more than just a pretty face."

The 7 girls are so hot, but they are just stupid. And the boys, well you have to take a look at them. They pair up, compete in contests, and the most improved couple at the end of the series wins $250,000 (this is the WB, they're on a budget).

To give you an idea of how stupid the girls are, I almost shit my pants when a girl answered correctly how many states the U.S. currently has. She actually said 50! Which is better than another girl did. She was asked who the President of the US was during the Civil War. She answered, "Hoover." She was correct: "Abraham Lincoln." And she responds saying, "Oh yeah, D-Day."

Another classic answer also had to do with D-Day. When asked the year it took place, someone said 1942. The girl laughed and said, "No no no, that's the year Columbus sailed the ocean blue."

The boys get to dance in this episode, and you must see Richard do his thang. Just in case you were curious, this 21-year-old has never kissed a girl. (I can't imagine why!)

This is my latest Tivo season pass, and I suggest you do the same.

Coin-Gate Scandal

Yeah, I know this is politics, but it's my blog.

That asshole that invested millions of Ohio's tax dollars into a rare coin collection... well, he got people to donate money to George Bush's campaign in 2004 and then paid the people back (this is a sneaky way of getting around the $2000 limit for a personal donation). I wonder if any of that money came from taxes. This is turning into quite a good scandal. Check out to read more.

Headline of the Day

"Strippers Come To Slater's Defense"

Now why doesn't this kind of stuff happen to me?

VH-1 Gets it Right

"Tom Cruise to be 'dumped' by Mission Impossible? Something tells me that it won't be the only thing to dump him this month."

-VH-1: Best Week Ever

Jack White

He got married in a canoe. Need I say more?

Wal-Mart Sucks

Click Here

As if 90% of my life isn't already devoted to fighting Wal-Mart, now they are going to ruin my reality tv addiction by sponsoring a damn tv show. Boycott this show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Small Serving Of Lost

From TVGasm:

According to his IMBD credits, it seems Samuel L. Jackson will be joining the cast of LOST next season for at least the 1st episode. I can only speculate that his character will exist in a flashback, but there is always the possibility that after they blew open the hatch in the season finale, one pissed off, locked up Samuel L. Jackson popped out, in a patent leather trench, ranting about keepin’ the black man locked down, in a kick ass monologue which ends in a simple but killer action scene set with humor.

Thursday, June 2

Oprah, meet Crazy

This is old news, but here's the clip of Crazy on Oprah Winfrey.

I'm, like, really disturbed.

By the way, a second clip is on that site of someone making fun of TC on Jimmy Kimmel.

Beauty and the Blog

One of the geeks on Beauty and the Geek has his own blog. Kind of interesting.


Here's an exclusive clip of my favorite show: Six Feet Under.

Best. Commercial. Ever.


ok, so i know i never post, and this has prolly been said...

but i have an entertainment related post. if any of y'all haven't heard of augusten burroughs, he's one of my fav authors, and def worth the read. well hollywood has taken notice, and they're making the movie of burroughs's book "running with scissors." here's the cast:
Annette Bening........ Deirdre Burroughs
Gwyneth Paltrow........ Hope
Jill Clayburgh........ Agnes Finch
Brian Cox........ Dr. Finch
Joseph Fiennes........ Neil Bookman
Evan Rachel Wood........ Natalie
Alec Baldwin........ Norman Burroughs
Vanessa Redgrave........ Joranne
Joseph Cross........ Augusten Burroughs
Kristen Chenoweth.......Fern
The screenplay was written by Ryan Murphy who will also direct. Mr. Murphy is the 2005 Golden Globe winning (Best television series, drama) creator, writer, director and executive producer of the hit series, Nip/Tuck. Brad Pitt co-produces the picture and it will be released through Sony Miramax.

i'm like "shit my pants" excited about this.

Wednesday, June 1

Since 90% of our readers live in Ohio...

Have you been following Coin-Gate? The GOP scandal involving some high-up Republican named Tom Noe who invested the state's money in rare coins. Apparently a lot of the money is missing, and now George Bush is accused of using that money to win the Ohio election. Scary shit.

Poor Christian Slater

No, not "poor Christian Slater" because he got arrested. "Poor Christian Slater" because I just read about the arreste, and they refer to him as "Heather's star, Christian Slater." Good movie. 16 years ago. He's done more recent movies.

Dancing With the Stars

Well, how awful is this show? Oh, and sorry, but Evander Holyfield and Trista Sutter don't cut it.

Quote of the Day

“Love to me is a lot of things. Love is respect. Love is commitment. Love is honesty. Love is trust. Love is not just love. Love is all of those things combined. My love doesn't scare me. Others people's love scares me.”

Guess who.

Piss Your Pants Funny!

Constantine Is An Ass

Six Feet Under

The final season of Six Feet Under begins Monday, June 6th at 9PM EST.

--I have always enjoyed this show. It's different and interesting and at times, creepy. I'll be sad to see it end.