Friday, April 28

SNL Hosts

Ace and Gary are hosting!

Neil Young Lyrics

"Let’s impeach the president for lying / And leading our country into war / Abusing all the power that we gave him / And shipping all our money out the door / He’s the man who hired all the criminals / The White House shadows / who hide behind closed doors / And bend the facts to fit with their new stories / Of why we have to send our men to war.."

Although I completely agree with his message, these are the worst lyrics ever written by Neil Young. It's like one of Madonna's poems.


It's coming back to Bravo!

Tom Cruise Quote 'O the Day

"Meaningless sex outside of a relationship is really horrible and pathetic and lonely."

60 Minutes

Anderson Cooper is going to start contributing. He is the Ryan Seacrest of stuff that's actually important.

Nintendo Wii

That's the name of Nintendo's third generation gaming console. It will join the XBox 360 and PS3.

Who's Going To Win the Daytime Emmies?

Who's even nominated for the daytime Emmies?


They're scamming us:

"The Associated Press has photographed Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert (R-IL) ditching his brightly colored hydrogen automobile in favor of a gas-guzzling black SUV after exiting a news conference and photo opportunity at a Washington, DC gas station."

Are You Kidding Me?

Rosie O'Donnell is expected to make a surprise return to daytime television by taking over exiting Meredith Vieira's slot on the talk show "The View."

-I just threw up.

Thursday, April 27

Must... Keep... From.... Drooling.....


Stupid Criminal Of The Day

Thistotally cracked me up

Project Runway

Season 3 will debut July 12th. Yippee!

Ba-Bye Pickler

Not sad to see you go. Your stupid-hick girl routine was already stolen by Jessica Simpson so if you plan to eek out any sort of reality career, you really gotta get a new schtick.

Screw 'Em!

So our gov't wants give us a $100 bucks to compensate for the high gas prices. Fuck off.

A vote is possible as early as this week on the Senate GOP approach, which calls for $100 rebate checks for taxpayers to cushion the impact of higher gasoline prices. The measure seems unlikely to prevail, at least initially, since it includes a highly controversial proposal to open a portion of Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling.

This Speaks For Itself

Wednesday, April 26

I was furious when Jann Wenner put me on the cover of Us Weekly..

So I understand where Nick Lachey is coming from. From Page Six:

"NOTE to celebs: Watch your backs with Jann Wenner! Nick Lachey and his new handlers at Sunshine Consultants are said to be furious with the Wenner Media boss after he dangled the promise of a Rolling Stone cover in front of the singer - and put him on Us Weekly instead. Lachey, an insider said, gave an interview to Rolling Stone about the breakup of his marriage to Jessica Simpson, expecting the cover. "At the end of the day, Rolling Stone said he needed to dish more on Jessica and Joe Simpson," our source said. "Nick said no . . . in the dark of the night, Jann gave the photos and the interview to Us Weekly." Lachey, who never wanted to be on the cover of Us Weekly, quickly fired his reps at Baker Winokur Ryder who had brokered the deal, and hired Sunshine. The insider added: "It's absurd to dangle the cover in front of someone, and if it doesn't work out, just hand it to another magazine. We will think twice before dealing with Wenner again." A source added: "The Us Weekly issue [with an oiled-up, shirtless Lachey on the cover] sold really well in Chelsea, but that's about it. It was the gayest cover in years." Lachey's rep declined to comment; Wenner's rep didn't return calls."

Bit O' Lost

Scoopy from Kristin!!

Is there going to be a big cliffhanger on Lost this year?
And how. I spoke with Lost boss Damon Lindelof this week and he told me that they have a new word for this certain supersecret scene in the season finale. "We had 'the Bagel' last year," Damon says (referring to the season finale scene in which the Others abducted Walt and blew up the raft). "This year, we have the 'the Challah.' And I think it's even better than the Bagel. So, we're really hoping the Challah isn't spoiled, and we're being very secretive about it. We wouldn't let the network see it until after Passover, 'cause it's leavened, which you'll understand if you're Jewish. The Challah is not on paper. It's purely word of mouth. And the actors who are performing in this scene don't even know it exists. They will simply be summoned to set." Challah back, young'uns! Woo hoo!

Lost. Any word on the rumors? I have a feeling all the recent news is misinformation the producers are spreading.
I wouldn't put it past them. I know that at least one thing you have read as fact (which may or may not have come from the producers) is not true. So, I know you're going to hate me for saying this, but I think our only viable course of action is to just, um, (ducking for cover as I say this) watch and see. That is my plan.

I know someone is going to do it, but is it going to even include Kate?
I actually do not know. Honestly. Sorry!

Do you know who's coming back to Lost next year?
I've heard that a few actors are going to no longer be contracted as series regulars--but that doesn't mean we won't see them again.

Tuesday, April 25

Britney Spears is Pregnant (again)

And I'm SHOCKED - SHOCKED, I tell you. And here she's been looking so skinny lately.

Lost Spoilers

I don't want to read them, but I can't help myself! I promise not to post the big ones here anymore. (Really, you'll hear about them on your own.)

Lena Olin

She is a god with Alias fans. Do other people like her, too? If not - they should. All I'm sayin'.

Get ready for ads on iTunes

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Today's PSP Update

The latest PSP software is available. Source: Gizmodo.

1. They never use the word "podcast" in the documents, but yeah, the PSP plays nicely with them now through the RSS feature. You can choose to either stream or play new audio content on sites you've subscribed to, or save them onto a Memory Stick.

2. Better file compatibility with popular music file formats, including MP3, ATRAC, AAC and WMA, meaning Sony uncrippled the PSP in less time than they semi-uncrippled the MiniDisc. Good job! Now stop trying to force us to use proprietary formats already, we don't like it and you will eventually bend anyway, so why not just give us what we want from the start?

3. The PSP is now a receiver for Sony's LocationFree TV, which they tout as "A completely new way of seeing TV. Instead of going to the television set, the TV comes to you (via your home TV tuner) wherever you are. You can watch live TV, play back recorded programmes and even set up future recordings, all from your PSP." LocationFree launches in May but only in Europe, even though it's been out in Japan and in the US for a while now.

4. Macromedia Flash 6 support for the PSP browse

How to make your iPod last longer...

If you need to make your iPod last that extra mile via road or plane follow some easy tips. Turn off the nonessentials such as backlight, equalizer and soundcheck, avoid playing back large audio files on hard drive based iPod—larger than 9MB will cause your iPod hard drive to spin up more, always have the hold button on and keep the firmware up to date. If you have tried everything and the iPod still can't make it all the way, Playlist also suggests some other options including adding battery packs and replacing the iPod battery all together.

[Source: Playlist]

Why Nancy Pelosi Doesn't Suck

Forgive the mispellings, but they're there only because I stole it from Atrios:

"If you want to reduce our dependence on foreign oil and therefore improve our national security situation, you can't do it if you're a Republican because you are too wedded to the oil companies. We have two oilmen in the white house. The logical follow-up from that is $3 a gallon gasoline. There is no accident. Tt is a cause and effect. A cause and effect. How dare the president of the United States make a speech today in April, many, many, many months after the american people have had to undergo the cost of home heating oil. A woman told me she almost fainted when she received her home heating bill over this Winter. And when so many people making the minimum wage, which hasn't been raised in eight years, which has a very low purchasing power have to go out and buy gasoline at these prices? Where have you been, Wr. president? The middle class squeeze is on, competition in our country is affected by the price of energy and of oil and all of a sudden you take a trip outside of Washington, see the fact that the public is outraged about this, come home and make a speech, let's see that matched in your budget, let's see that matched in your policy, let's see that matched in and you're separating yourselves yourself from your patron, big oil, cut yourself off from that anvil holding your party down and this country down, instead of coming to Washington and throwing your Republican colleagues under the wheels of the train, which they mightily deserve for being a rubber stamp for your obscene, corrupt policy of ripping off the american people."

Worst. President. Ever

Linky to Rolling Stone article

Top 10 Loose Ends

Courtesy of EW:

As voted on by you, the Lost fan. The most FREQUENTLY cited mysteries, in declining order:

No. 10 What is the significance of the black and white stones found near the waterfall?

No. 9 Why do the Others use disguises?

No. 8 What are the Others doing to their abducted children?

No. 7 Where is Walt?
Burning Walt questions: ''Why is Walt wet when he 'visits' our castaways? Why does he speak backwards? Why is he allowed to 'instant message' his dad?''

No. 6 What is the Monster?
Burning Monster question: Could there be two (or more?) different Monsters — the black smoke monster that let Mr. Eko live, and the unseen beast that (allegedly) slaughtered the pilot?

No. 5 Jack's dad's casket was found empty. What happened to the body?
Sidenote: ''…in season 1 episode 1, when we see Jack coming out of the jungle, there is a man that is running and holding his head and saying something. This same person reappears in episode 5 as the coroner that shows Jack's father's body to Jack.''

No. 4 Who are the ''Adam and Eve'' skeletons found at the waterfall?

No. 3 Where is Michael?
ANSWER Hey! A question with an answer! Go figure! As of last week's episode, he was passed out at Jack and Kate's feet.

And, running almost dead even for the top two slots:

No. 2 Where is Desmond?
''In the first episode of season 2, Jack's flashback shows his early encounter with Desmond. When Jack stumbles while jogging in the stadium, Desmond offers his assistance AND A SIP OF HIS WATER. Given the repeated mention of some infection on the Island (and a vaccine), in addition to many characters hallucinating, could Desmond have intentionally (or perhaps unintentionally) infected Jack with some kind of virus, nanobot, or mind-altering substance that would ensure his arrival on the Island? Who is Desmond, anyhow? Could he work for [Dharma Initiative founders] the DeGroots 'recruiting' people for the Island Experience? Or maybe he's as much an innocent as the rest, and was simply a carrier of whatever it is he passed along to Jack when he shared the water. The sip of water may seem like a small clue, but I believe it is somehow related to the infection on the Island. In the most recent new episode, we see Ethan drugging Claire with bottled water, so the precedent does exist within the show for such a thing to happen. The question remains: What was in that bottle of water that Desmond shared with Jack?''

No. 1 What happened to Locke's legs?
''In the first-season episode called 'Numbers,' while Hurley is talking with his accountant in a skyscraper, a man falls outside the window, plummeting down to the ground. I've always wondered if that was just the 'Hurley curse' affecting someone in his general area — or if it has to do with one of the LOSTIES. Perhaps Locke: In freeze-frames, I've been able to see that the guy wears the same sort of short-sleeved shirt Locke does to work. Maybe this is how he lost use of his legs?! Taking a plunge off a building? Until we find out how Locke messed up his legs, this scene will still sit in the back of my mind as a mystery.''

Why is there a book on electrocardiogram (ECG) interpretation in the Hatch? I noticed this a while back, in one of the first episodes where they showed the interior of the Hatch. It jumped out at me because of the topic and because I knew it was a recent book — published by my employer in 2001. I think it's the Guide to ECG Analysis, by Catalano, but I don't have an episode tape to double-check. Why would Desmond need an ECG book? He didn't seem to know about the Medical Hatch, which would be a more likely home for this kind of book.''

Lost Experience

Cool Thing To Check Out!

Phil's Blog

According to what I've heard, this blog is one of the better ones out there.... if you're into this kind of thing.

Amazing Race

Are You Kidding Me?

Internet auction site eBay is being made into an ABC prime time reality TV show. ABC refused to confirm casting is already under way with a summer start date eyed for "Make It Happen," Daily Variety reported. The show will reportedly help families put their "hidden treasures" up for sale on eBay, and money raised by the auctions will translate their "wild dreams" into "reality," ABC said on its Web site.

One of the ideas being tossed around is to run the show twice a week, first showing the auction of the items and the second showing the outcome of the bidding.

--How 'bout tossing this idea right out the window?

Temper! Temper!

Looks like Charlie Sheen has a little explaining to do

Guess What!?

Gas prices are up. Just lettin' y'all know in case you hadn't noticed.

Monday, April 24

I finally found the left-wing crazies!!

They are all on the NESARA sites talking about how George W is actually a "reptoid" (human reptile alien hybrid) and is scheming to take over the world with his bosses' bosses' boss. It's actually interesting stuff and would make a fantasticly fucked up movie, but anyone who thinks that George Bush is half dinosaur has some issues to deal with. Go to wikipedia and read up on this crazy shit! But then again, anyone who thinks humans and dinosaurs lived at the same time together 4000 years ago is also nutzo. Either way you lose.

The Sopranos

I've said it before... watching this show is like reading a great novel. It unfolds slowly, unconventionally, cleverly and with so much beautiful character development. And of course violence. Love this show. Loved last night's ep that focused on Vinnie (Doogie Howser) and Artie. Is this the first time Artie has really been the focus of the show? Maybe the second, but I can't exactly remember the one where his restaurant burns down and how much of a part he had in that ep. Anyways, this was quality shit.

JJ Abrams loves TV shows

He must, anyways. His next film (!!!) will be kind of a Star Trek prequel. Sounds really cool because - let's face it - there hasn't really ever been a mind-blowing Star Trek. In fact, they mostly suck. I'm no fan, but I'd line up to see this one!

MTV Movie Awards


The 40-Year Old Virgin (Universal Pictures)
Batman Begins (Warner Bros. Pictures)
King Kong (Universal Pictures)
Sin City (Dimension Films)
Wedding Crashers (New Line Cinema)

Joaquin Phoenix - Walk The Line (20th Century Fox)
Jake Gyllenhaal - Brokeback Mountain (Focus Features)
Rachel McAdams - Red Eye (DreamWorks SKG)
Steve Carell - The 40-Year Old Virgin (Universal Pictures)
Terrence Howard - Hustle & Flow (Paramount Classics)
Reese Witherspoon - Walk The Line (20th Century Fox)

Owen Wilson - Wedding Crashers (New Line Cinema)
Adam Sandler - The Longest Yard (Paramount Pictures)
Steve Carell - The 40-Year Old Virgin (Universal Pictures)
Tyler Perry – Tyler Perry’s Madea's Family Reunion (Lions Gate Films)
Vince Vaughn - Wedding Crashers (New Line Cinema)

Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen & Romany Malco – The 40-Year Old Virgin (Universal Pictures)
Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott & Jessica Simpson – The Dukes of Hazzard (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Jessica Alba, Ioan Gruffudd, Chris Evans & Michael Chiklis – Fantastic Four (20 th Century Fox)
Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson & Rupert Grint – Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson – Wedding Crashers (New Line Cinema)

Cillian Murphy – Batman Begins (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Hayden Christensen – Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (20 th Century Fox)
Ralph Fiennes – Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Tilda Swinton – The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Disney Pictures)
Tobin Bell – Saw II (Lions Gate Films)

Andre “3000” Benjamin – Four Brothers (Paramount Pictures)
Isla Fisher – Wedding Crashers (New Line Cinema)
Nelly – The Longest Yard (Paramount Pictures)
Jennifer Carpenter – The Exorcism of Emily Rose (Screen Gems)
Romany Malco – The 40-Year Old Virgin (Universal Pictures)
Taraji P. Henson – Hustle & Flow (Paramount Classics)

Christian Bale – Batman Begins (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Jessica Alba – Fantastic Four (20 th Century Fox)
Daniel Radcliffe – Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Kate Beckinsale – Underworld: Evolution (Screen Gems)
Ewan McGregor – Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (20 th Century Fox)

Beyonce Knowles – The Pink Panther (Sony Pictures)
Jessica Alba – Sin City (Dimension Films)
Jessica Simpson – The Dukes of Hazzard (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Ziyi Zhang – Memoirs of a Geisha (Sony Pictures)
Rob Schneider – Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (Sony Pictures)

Kong vs. The Planes – King Kong (Universal Pictures)
Stephen Chow vs. Axe Gang – Kung Fu Hustle (Sony Pictures Classics)
Angelina Jolie vs. Brad Pitt – Mr. & Mrs. Smith (20 th Century Fox)
Ewan McGregor vs. Hayden Christensen – Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (20 th Century Fox)

Jake Gyllenhaal & Heath Ledger – Brokeback Mountain (Focus Features)
Taraji P. Henson & Terrence Howard – Hustle & Flow (Paramount Classics)
Anna Faris & Chris Marquette – Just Friends (New Line Cinema)
Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt – Mr. & Mrs. Smith (20 th Century Fox)
Rosario Dawson & Clive Owen – Sin City (Dimension Films)

Rachel Nichols - The Amityville Horror (MGM)
Jennifer Carpenter – The Exorcism of Emily Rose (Screen Gems)
Derek Richardson – Hostel (Lions Gate Films)
Paris Hilton – House of Wax (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Dakota Fanning – War of the Worlds (Paramount Pictures)

Joshua Caldwell ( Fordham University) – A Beautiful Lie
Sean Mullin ( Columbia University) – Sadiq
Stephen Reedy (Diablo Valley College) – Undercut
Jarrett Slavin ( University of Michigan) – The Spiral Project
Landon Zakheim ( Emerson College) – The Fabulous Felix McCabe

Friday, April 21

The Onion AV Club

Love their reviews because they like the things I like. Here's their take on Robot Chicken:

Cartoon Network's cultishly adored Adult Swim animation block specializes in a curious form of pop-culture ventriloquism. But where the irreverent Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost: Coast To Coast limit themselves to putting words in the mouths of characters from Hanna-Barbera's sprawling universe of poorly animated crap, Robot Chicken uses the sum of pop culture as its outsized toy box. Co-creators Seth Green and Matthew Senreich use puppets, toys, and action figures to lampoon pop culture with its own plastic ephemera, and their stop-motion animation fuses Ray Harryhausen-like sophistication with the amateur zeal of little girls making Ken and Barbie kiss.

Brevity ranks as one of Robot Chicken's chief virtues. Some skits fly by so quickly that they border on subliminal, while others function as the television equivalent of single-panel gag strips. Even the show's more involved and ambitious skits, like the robot-based parody of You Got Served, or the Seven spoof re-cast with Smurfs, seldom last longer than a few minutes. How could they? Minus commercials, Robot Chicken itself is only a 10-minute show. Because it's so briskly paced, it's also one of the densest comedies on television: Its pop-culture-damaged writing staff crams an entire season's worth of ideas, references, and gags into an episode.

As Todd Haynes discovered with Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, there's something paradoxically expressive about the inexpressiveness of plastic dolls, with their cold dead eyes and perfect bodies. And it doesn't hurt that Green is a talented, versatile, experienced voice artist with an encyclopedic knowledge of trash culture, or that he seems to have all of Young Hollywood at his disposal for vocal cameos. Robot Chicken's satire can be deceptively brainy, but to its credit, the show never loses the joyously retro feel of kids playing with toys.

Key features: Commentaries and awesome footage of an extremely exuberant Green acting out the show's skits as a guide for his animators.

A.V. Club Rating: A-

Smashing Pumpkins

It's offical: they're recording a new album this summer! Woo!

Fiona Apple

She's going on a massive tour this summer, FYI.

M:I 3

Or however you actually write the title, got a really good review from Harry at AICN.

"If you’ve been a fan of ALIAS or LOST and you’re dying to see what J.J. can do with the big toys, you’re going to be blown away. The difference between this film and his television work is just amazing. On TV, J.J. has risen to the top of the game. With this first film, he proudly steps out bringing the right talent from his cathode ray tube days and mixed it with a great deal of wonderful cinematic talents."

Read it here. (I'm on a Mac, so here's the link:)


Al Gore is on the cover, and the issue deals in-depth with Global Warming. Kids, Al Gore may very well be the next POTUS (word on the street is that he hired a politcal staff last week). If he is elected, expect a little thing called optimism to be reintroduced into American life.

Wired is easily one of my favorite magazines, by the way. And Seed, another fave, also has global warming on its cover. (Do you notice a trend? That's why I think Al Gore is The Man.)

Alias Part II Cynopsis

Within the first few seconds of the second part of the Alias extravabonanganza, the CIA stooge whom Jack fingered in the previous episode gets his ambulance ambushed, Lena Olin shows up and asks him if he told Jack anything about The Horizon, he says he didn't, and then she shoots him twice. In the head. In broad daylight. God, I missed her. There are a couple of side plots about Getty and his dead wife and Sloane and Devlin and phone records, but who gives a shit when Lena Olin is around?
Syd, Jack, and Dix meet up on the beach to discuss some old Alliance mission by the name of "Leo 47 Norte" that Prophet Five interrogated Syd about; then they all split off to figure out just what the hell it means. Syd returns home to pack her bags in order to go into hiding, only to find her mother sitting in the middle of the living room all, "Hi, honey! I know about Prophet Five! Can't wait to be a grandmother!" Irina blabbles something about how Prophet Five believes Sydney knows what The Horizon is and that she can lead them to it. Jack shows up ASAP and makes googly eyes at his ex-wife while they talk about being grandparents. Hee.

Dix and Élodie interrogate the guy who was in charge of Leo 47 Norte and they find out that the mission involved a package that he was supposed to deliver in Vancouver. Dix fills Jack in and Jack promptly turns around and announces to Irina and Sydney that The Horizon is in a safety deposit box in Queens Bank in Vancouver. Yes. Because telling Irina ANYTHING is always a good idea. All three of them head off to get The Horizon. Of course, once in Vancouver, that plan goes all to hell when Irina goes to stab Jack in the neck with something and Jack finally figures out that Irina's in cahoots with Prophet Five. She claims she's not, but Jack isn't buying what she's selling. Before he can put a bullet in her brain, however, Sydney goes into labor. Wacky!

Peyton blows up Irina's prearranged helicopter, so the Spy Family has to figure out some other way to get to safety. While Jack's off trying to find a way out, Irina lets slip to Sydney that it was she who ordered Vaughn's death. Oh, and she also never wanted a child and deliberately failed at being a mother. Niiiice. Guess she's not getting a flowery card on Mother's Day, huh? Jack faces off with Peyton, then shows up in time to watch the Mother of the Year actually DELIVER Sydney's breech baby into the world. Good holy Jesus.

Jack and Sydney share a father-daughter bonding moment over the freshly minted baby and Irina makes a break for it, taking the satchel containing The Horizon with her. Syd and Jack get extracted, of course, and Syd makes Jack promise to take care of her baby should anything happen to her. At the same time, an errant monk rides across the wild plains of Bhutan in order to deliver a message to his "brother" that there's good news. He has a daughter. And that's when we see Michael "I'm not dead yet!" Vaughn looking remarkably alive and well. Oh, and hot.

Thursday, April 20

Happy 420

George Michael smokes 20 joints a day, according to an old songwriting partner. Wow.

Why was Rove demoted?

Because he's going to be indicted, silly!

Good Scoop

Basinger joining the cast of 24? Hmmm....

SNL = Intervention

At least for Lohan. Word is the cast intervened and tried to convince Lindsay to stop using crack. Because crack is whack!

I'll just watch Flatliners again...

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Julia Roberts is still Hollywood's ultimate "Pretty Woman" but her first venture onto a Broadway stage failed to convince the critics whose verdict was "modest," "flat" and "lackluster."

Hundreds of fans gathered outside the theater for Wednesday's opening night of "Three Days of Rain" and stars who turned up for the hottest ticket on Broadway included Oprah Winfrey, Tim Robbins and Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

The play is the first professional stage role for the Oscar-winning Roberts, 38. She remains Hollywood's highest-paid actress, commanding $20 million a film, according to The Hollywood Reporter's list of the movie industry's top players.

"For the record, Roberts does not deliver a train wreck of a performance," the Toronto Star said in a review on Thursday headlined "Pretty Woman pretty flat." It said she failed to bring her Oscar-winning screen charisma to the stage.

"Her face, so luminous on screen, barely registers onstage," the review said.

New York Times critic Ben Brantley, whose reviews can make or break a play, confessed to be a "Juliaholic" and said he was nervous on entering the theater "as if a relative or a close friend were about to do something foolish in public."

"Your heart goes out to her when she makes her entrance in the first act and freezes with the unyielding stiffness of an industrial lamppost," Brantley wrote.

Alias Part I Cynopsis

Television Without Pity:

They're baaaaaack. And Sydney's still on that big freighter in the middle of freakin' nowhere. Only this time, she manages to make an S.O.S. call right before she starts getting labor pains. Syd hides out on the boat while Spy Daddy charges the Appleseed Gang with infiltrating the CIA in order to figure out Syd's location, because Prophet Five has gotten their spiny fingers into the American government, as well as all the…other governments. I guess. I can't remember. The last time this show was on television, I had braces and was in love with Bob Dobeus even though he hadn't discovered contact lenses yet.
The Appleseed Gang heads to the CIA and brings all of their awesome ridiculous gadgetry with them. While Rachel's actually doing her job, Getty slips off to do some clandestine research on his own; it seems to involve a dead woman we can assume is Getty's wife, and a bald man named Allen Korman who appears to be the only suspect in her death. Agent Sean shows up long enough to make a quip about Pilates and lend some much-needed assistance to the floundering Appleseed Gang.

Syd tries to get out of her predicament by kidnapping Peyton at gunpoint, but she passes out in a creepy delivery room before she can escape. When she comes to, she's got a fetal monitor strapped to her belly and there's some serious shit going on with the Spy Fetus. As in, it seems to be wrapped in Christmas lights or something. Craaaaazy. Jack calls a meeting of seven CIA directors because one of them is in collusion with Prophet Five and therefore is behind Sydney's capture. Through Marshall's wicked high-tech-ery, Jack discovers the guy's identity, shoots him and generally kicks him around a bit, and finally gets Syd's location out of him. Dix and Getty head off to get her.

Unfortunately, Syd's being drugged and prodded and poked and drained of amniotic fluid, so they'd better bloody well hurry. Dix and Getty finally show up and it would appear that the crew on the ship was actually trying to save Sydney's baby, not harm it. That baby is so Rambaldi, y'all. Sloane gets chastised by Fatty McChubberton for not informing him of the race to capture Sydney and Getty heads off to find the bald guy who killed his wife, only to tell him that he needs to get a message to "The Cardinal." Oh, great. Another "The."

That's all the time we have for this episode now, kids. Check the next recaplet for the second hour of the Alias extravabonangaza!

10 Reasons to Change the Channel

Okay, there are way more then ten... via Cynthia's Cynopsis.

Obnoxious laugh tracks.
Athlete after a big win: "I'd like to thank the Lord for giving me the strength..." Just ONCE I'd like to hear the loser blame the Lord.
"You've been a fantastic audience."
The word "humongous." The ultimate: "A humongous gathering of happy campers."
George W. Bush.
Local car dealer spots featuring a guy shouting at the top of his lungs as fast as he can about the huge closeout sale this weekend only
No matter how much fun a spot might have originally been to listen to, after about 100 times it makes me want to run screaming.
The phrase "the most unique…".
Whenever both ABC and Bravo do "coming up next" clips on their reality programming--I am watching the show--don’t ruin the rest of it for me.
Ego Shots - the cutaway shot to the anchor/reporter/interviewer
Poor linguistic/speaking skills - You're an actor -- could you act like English is your native language.
Screaming - never sounds good.
Giggling Journalists (sorry CBS).
"Experts" or theoretical expert with little to no practical experience.
Celebrity Endorsements - as if Jessica Simpson eats Pizza Hut.
Anytime a network promo or movie trailer exhorts me to "Get Ready" (As in "Get ready fir the biggest night in television" or "Get ready to
root for the bad guy!"). What should I do to prepare; new clothes? food and water?
"Shocking" when applied to anything on reality television, (as in, "the most shocking elimination yet"). Unless someone is going to brandish a gun or blow up Donald Trump's hair, I doubt I'm going to be that shocked.
"Amazing" - The first walk on the moon was amazing. A cure for cancer would be amazing. A pretty Oscar gown is, well, just pretty.
"I totally agree with you" is the sister of “you’re exactly right.” Redundant and who cares?
Interviewers cutting off their guests.
Sitcom plots where a main character does something uncomfortably stupid, only to be caught by the other lead character.
"The fact of the matter is..." who's fact?
"With all due respect..." means I think you're full of s*%#!
"It is what it is." Well put.
Any time a news program “reports” programming on its network as a news item, i.e. “earlier tonight on “American Idol.”
Any time news anchors start spouting their opinions
Any time I catch the scent of an over-hyped, alarmist sweeps period story.
Animated bug (or similar device) with audio promoting a future program.
News stories treating the activities of celebrities as news.
When news stories air that are updates of old stories with no recent developments, i.e. the never-ending coverage of the Alabama teen who disappeared in Aruba. Reminiscent of the old SNL news skit that Generalissimo Francisco Franco was still dead.
Meaningless live shots from indeterminable locations that do nothing to aid in the storytelling.
Trying to find better commercials!!!
and lastly:
Forget all that - I recently cancelled my cable all together and am now watching nearly all of my favorite shows a la carte via iTunes. I love it. No commercials - no need for a dvr. I just connect my laptop to my TV and Stereo and viola...I've got tv when I want it. It's also great for my budget.


First thoughts...

The 1st Hour: Everything that is bad about Alias. There was absolutely nothing but plot. Blah! And also, the little War of the Worlds alien machine that came out the cell phone - that was the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

The 2nd Hour: Everything that is brilliant about Alias. Great story with Sydney, Mom and Dad. And what a cliffhanger! That brings us back to seasons one and two! By the way, some speculation: Spy Mommy said you can't choose both being a mother and a spy, and that she chose to be a spy. You're meant to think that Spy Mommy is STILL choosing to be a spy, especially when she bolts right after Sydney eats the placent... I mean gives birth. But I think Spy Mommy is working to get her, Sydney and Spy Daddy out of the business so they can be one big happy family. Tear :)

Survivor Note

Tune in tonight and watch Bruce get carted off in some sort of medical emergency!!! I can't wait! This season has been pretty ho-hum (although I'll give 'em credit for mixing things up with the hidden immunity idol and exile island) and I am more htan ready for some excitement and drama, even if it is manufactured reality drama.

Bye Bye Ace!

EW review:
Ace Gets Booted

Wednesday, April 19

Q Mag "50 Worst Albums"

I stole this from DListed.

1. Duran Duran Thank You
2. Spice Girls All Their Solo Albums!
3. Various Urban Renewal: The Songs Of Phil Collins
4. Lou Reed – Metal Machine Music
5. Billy Idol – Cyberpunk
6. Naomi Campbell – Babywoman
7. Kevin Rowland – My Beauty
8. Mick Jagger – Primitive Cool
9. Westlife – Allow Us To Be Frank
10. Tim Machine – Tin Machine Ii
11. Limp Bizkit – Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water
12. Tom Jones – Mr Jones
13. Bruce Willis – The Return Of Bruno
14. Terence Trent Diabolical – Neither Fish Nor Flesh
15. Various – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club Band – OST
16. Spice Girls – Forever
17. Bob Dylan & The Grateful Dead – Dylan And The Dead
18. Crazy Frog – Crazy Hits
19. Goldie – Saturnz Return
20. Mariah Cary – Glitter OST
21. The Clash – Cut The Crap
22. Robson & Jerome – Robson & Jerome
23. Alanis Morissette – Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie
24. Lauryn Hill – MTV Unpugged 2.0
25. The Cranberries – To The Faithful Departed
26. Vanilla Ice – Hard To Swallow
27. Destiny’s Child – Destiny Fulfilled
28. The Rolling Stones – Dirty Work
29. Various – Christmas In The Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album
30. Michael Jackson – Invincible
31. Stevie Wonder – Woman In Red
32. Ace Of Bass – The Sign
33. Billy Ray Cyrus – Some Gave All
34. Fishspooner - #1
35. Puff Daddy – Forever
36. Kula Shaker – Peanuts, Pigs & Astronauts
37. Shania Twain – Come On Over
38. Chris Rea – The Road To Hell Pt2
39. Big Country – Undercover
40. The Others – The Others
41. Paul Simon – Songs From The Capeman OST
42. Babylon Zoo – The Boy With The X-Ray Eyes
43. The Travelling Wilburys – Vol 3
44. Kiss – Music From The Elder
45. William Shatner – The Transformed Man
46. Oasis – Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants
47. Ozzy Osbourne – Under Cover
48. Milli Vanilli – All Or Nothing
49. Neil Young And The Shocking Pinks – Everybody’s Rocking
50. Beck – Midnight Vultures


Coachella is just a week and a half away. I finally got my (free VIP) tickets. Who wants to join me?! Here, I'll give you some motivation.

Depeche Mode
Daft Punk
Franz Ferdinand
Sigur Ros
My Morning Jacket
TV on the Radio
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Cat Power
animal Collective
Devendra Banhart
She Wants Revenge
The Walkmen
Imogen Heap
The Zutons
The Like
Nine Black Alps
Massive Attack
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Bloc Party
Paul Oakenfold
Scissor Sisters
James Blunt
Wolf Parade
The Go! Team
Art Brut
The Magic Numbers

Is everyone feeling the same now? Even Ohio?

Brilliant work from the San Francisco Chronicle:

Now, here he is, sitting right next to all the other countries at the Big Table, representing America, it's little Dubya Bush, stewing in his own juices, his poll numbers hovering right near Nixon levels, mumbling to himself, smelling vaguely of sawdust and horse manure and dead Social Security overhaul plans.
He is pockmarked by scandal, buffeted by storms of disapproval and infighting and nascent impeachment. He authorized the leak of classified security information merely to smear an Iraq war critic, he lied about WMD and lied about Saddam and lied about making the United States safer and lied about, well, just about everything, on top of launching the worst and most violent and most expensive, unwinnable war since Vietnam.

His pile of betting capital is down to a tiny lump, nothing like back when he had the table rigged and all the pit bosses worked for him and the pile was as big as a roomful of Texas cow pies. But now, fortune is frowning. In fact, fortune is white-hot furious at being so viciously molested, spit upon, raped lo these many years. The truth is coming out: Bush has now lost far, far more bets than he ever won.

What's to be done? Why, do what any grumbling, furious, confused, underqualified alcoholic gambler does: reach down deep and say, "To hell with the nation and to hell with the odds and to hell with the rest of the planet," and pull out one more desperate, crumpled war from deep in your pants, slap it on the table and hear the world moan.

The Worst President in History?

That's the cover story for the new issue of Rolling Stone.

New Music Tuesday

Calexico. I listened to them all last night while I cooked dinner. GREAT band.

Arctic Monkeys. I like them a lot, and DAMN, they're only 17. But I just don't think they're the next Nirvana like everyone says.

Pearl Jam. They rocked HARD on SNL. I can't believe they're pushing 40, because they are tight. Their new single (World Wide Suicide) is probably their best since the Vs or Vitology era.

Lost Spoiler

Wanna know how long Libby is going to be around? Probably just until the end of the season, if you ask CBS. (She signed on to star with Tom Cavanaugh in a new show. Shhhh....)

Michael Jackson to stage (another) comeback!

Can't wait for this.

King Kong

Because I'm so ahead of the times, I got a sneak peak of King Kong over the weekend. (I'm totally kidding, I rented it 6 months after everyone else has seen it.)

I really liked it! That is how you make an action movie. It had tons of heart, great effects, and was just a solid piece of entertainment. The only gripe: it should've been much more gory. Let's see some blood next time!

United 93

Who's going to see it?

Adam Duritz is a muppet

That's all.

There is sperm in the LA water

Everyone is giving birth and getting pregnant. The latest is Maggie Gyllenhaal and her gentleman lover Peter Saaaaarsgaaaaard.

The Real World

I'm confused. What is going on this season!? The cast is NUTS!

So is the blond a lesbian? Does she have an eating disorder? Is she clinically insane? Is she ______ ? She is crazy!

It's only 10 months away!

Oscars are moving back to February next year. I think this is a good idea. They might as well have been in freakin May this year, they were so far away from 2005.

Eddie Murphy is divorced

Which gives him all the time he wants to fuck trannies.


She's a mess. She turned herself into rehab. Probably a good idea since the last picture I saw of her she looked like a freakin mummy.

How'd they do it?

Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels are pregnant with twins. One for each of them!

Alias, yet again

From MediaLife:

"Alias" is the type of show that might never have survived five seasons if ABC hadn't been in such bad shape when it premiered. Never a ratings powerhouse, or even really a hit, it was beloved by critics and a small but devoted group of fans who championed the J.J. Abrams series every year when it was on the bubble heading into the upfront.
This year ABC made the decision early, with some help from Abrams and series star Jennifer Garner, who agreed that the fifth season of the show, which had gone into a steep ratings decline after moving to Thursdays last fall, would be its last. It returns to the air tonight for its final eight episodes after a four-month hiatus.

Say what you will about the past few seasons, which have left fans staunchly divided as to their quality. "Alias" will leave quite a legacy. It, along with Fox's "24" and the WB/UPN's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," was one of the first truly clever action TV shows that combined wit and weapons with edge-of-your-seat mystery. It paved the way for "Lost" and "Battlestar Galactica," and it even spawned one of the tabloids' greatest stories, Garner and her many loves.

The show that made Garner into a star will get an appropriately grandiose sendoff. In a two-hour return tonight at 8 p.m., a parade of long-lost guest stars from seasons past begin to filter back and fans may finally find out if Agent Vaughn, or whatever his name is, is really dead.

Though it probably won't draw huge ratings, it may do better than ABC has been doing in the 8 p.m. slot with "Freddie" and "George Lopez," which combined for a 2.7 rating in adults 18-49. Airing on Thursdays against much tougher competition earlier this season, "Alias" averaged a 2.3 in the demo, ranking No. 110 on broadcast.

On tonight’s return, pregnant and distressed Sydney gives dad Jack a call, forcing him to orchestrate a search and rescue mission with Weiss. Meanwhile, Devlin’s suspicious that APO has been infiltrated.

Alias, again

It's back. Tonight! Vaughn is alive. Of course. Because no one ever dies on this show.

Alias on iTunes

Seasons 4 and 5. Maybe I should catch up on 5. Except I really need a video iPod.

I'm totally watching this one.

I love chick rockers. I'm serious.

As if there weren't enough music contest shows already: now the CW is entering the fray to find the next all-girl rock group. Enlisting the help of former members of '80s bands the Go-Go's and the Bangles, the soon-to-launch network is hoping to premiere the series sometime next season.

Stacy Sher and Michael Shamberg will exec produce, along with America's Next Top Model exec producer Anthony Dominici, who will be the program's showrunner. The Go-Go's Kathy Valentine and Charlotte Coffey and the Bangles' Susannah Hoffs and Vicki Peterson will be credited as co-exec producers. The four musicians also will have an on-camera presence, most likely serving as advisers to the contestants.

The show's producers reportedly are hoping what distinguishes this non-scripted contest show from the others is its focus on contestants who not only sing, but who play their own instruments as well.

I'm back

I ate my newborn's placenta and ended up in the hospital for three days. Somebody warn TomKat.

Woot! Woot! More Lost!!!!

Pay attention, my little Losties!!! Have I got some super-duper scoopers for you!!!!!

First off, no new Lost eppies until May 3rd. I know it sucks, but it sounds as if the wait will be worth it. Yip! Yip!

Episode 2.20: Two for the Road (Ana-Lucia-centric)
Airdate: May 3, 2006

Guest starring are John Terry as Christian Shephard, Rachel Ticotin as Captain Teresa Cortez, Michael Emerson as Henry Gale and Gabrielle Fitzpatrick as Lindsey.

Jack and Kate bring an exhausted Michael back to the camp, and with him, news about "The Others." Meanwhile, Ana Lucia attempts to get the prisoner to confess, and Hurley plans a surprise date for Libby.

Episode 2.21: ? (Eko-centric)
Airdate: May 10, 2006

In a flashback at the airport, Charlotte delivers a message to Eko and Libby asks if if everything is all right.

Turns out that supercool black-light reveal is a major plot point that carries on through the rest of the season. "Oh yeah, big time," Damon said. "I mean, it plays huge in the finale, and even in episodes 21 through 24. Twenty-one is an episode that is very much on the sort of fundamental axis of that map, and it's a Locke and Eko story, which is going to be awesome. [Executive Producer] Carlton [Cuse] and I wrote it. That episode is just called '?' because that is the symbol Locke remembers from the map."

Claire (and possibly another Lostaway)-centric, featuring Charlotte a 16ish Australian who suffers a near death experience.

Episode 2.23: Live Together, Die Alone (2-hour season finale) (Desmond-centric)
Airdate: May 24, 2006 from 9 to 11 p.m.

The two-hour finale is basically one big Desmond flashback. (OMG!!! How amazing will that be!!!!!)

Quite spoilery, read at your own risk... In flashback that is set in 2000 in L.A., Libby buys Desmond coffee and offers him her boat. Charlie and Eko enter the hatch to get dynamite. Rose and Locke have a chat. Later in the episode, we see Desmond lying on the beach shore, waking up, being carried to the hatch, and Desmond and Kelvin walking through the jungle. While in prison (not sure if it's on island or flashback), Widmore tells Desmond off. There will be one scene of Desmond in the stadium. Dr. Candle will appear.

The episode will feature Gregg, an athletic stockbroker type who loves his job and the company that employs him.

The episode will feature two foreign computer technicans working in a remote drilling station.

Guest stars for season finale: Cameron, British (Rupert Murdochish) 50, rich steel tycoon, ruthless, competitive, protective of his daughter; Penelope, late 20's, beautiful, strong, daughter of Cameron, wants a simple life, to fall in love and start a family. Though she has no interest in her family's money she eventually uses it to get what she wants.

We'll see Vincent in the finale.

General Season 2 spoilers:
Per the Hollywood Reporter, Cynthia Watros, aka Lost's Libby, has been tapped to join Tom Cavanagh on the CBS comedy pilot My Ex-Life, calling into question the fate of Hurley's little gal pal (although her Ex-Life role is said to be just a "guest-starring" one).

Siss Boom Bah

I guess the Cincy Reds have got cheerleaders now. First team in MLB to sport 'em.

It's Raining Girls

Brooke Shields had a baby girl yesterday, Grier Hammond Henchy.
TomKat also had a baby girl yesterday, Suri. No word on if Tom dined on the placenta.

Tuesday, April 18

Attention Losties!!!!

Scoop from Kristin!

On Lost, is Henry Gale "him"?
I honestly don't know, but thanks to our dear friend Thomas (seat42f), who passed along this awesome link, we can be fairly certain that the Artist Formerly Known as Henry Gale is (a) a doctor, (b) fairly influential in his tribe and (c) so creepy he makes Ethan look like a Disney cartoon. Also, Thomas pointed out this very clever anagram which my sources tell me was indeed intentional: "Henry Gale Minnesota" = "See another man lying." Leapin' lizards!

It appears someone gained access to the Lost beach set and was able to snap a couple of photos of some graves that have yet to be filled. Is someone dying?
Watch my Vine clip! I talk about this there. And regarding the number I give, I know of at least that many--could be more! We will see. (I watched the video, sounds like she is indicating 2 deaths but it won't be Charlie or Locke)

You told us to "breathe" when you said Jack was getting closer. Was there a reason, or was it just moral support?
There was a reason for that! It might look as though Kate and Jack are zooming toward coupledom, but there's a serious wrench by the end of the season!

Now, for some SpoilerFix action:
Special: Lost: Reckoning
Airdate: April 26, 2006

The survivors of Oceanic flight 815 have been locked in a test of faith ever since they crashed on the island. Discover how this faith has been tested for both the fuselage survivors and tailies. Are you a person of faith or science? This is the dilemma that plagues the island survivors and also defines their character. Discover how faith in the hatch led Locke on a mission to find a way inside, and how his discovery of Desmond led to his belief that punching in the numbers every 108 minutes would ensure everyone's survival. In addition, Michael's dogged mission in finding Walt, the tailies fight for survival during their first 48 days through their collision with the fuselage survivors, the uncertainty of prisoner Henry Gale's allegiances, and tensions between the survivors and "The Others" have left everyone questioning what they believe in. Additionally, the healing powers of love are explored through a timid Hurley's struggle with asking Libby out on a date, through the strong bond between Sun and Jin, and through Jack and Sawyer's mutual - yet unrequited - attractions to Kate.

Holy F*ck!

Tom Cruise yesterday revealed his latest bizarre eat his new baby's placenta.

The Mission Impossible star, 43, said: "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there." It is the latest in a series of increasingly strange outbursts from Cruise in the run-up to the birth.

Monday, April 17

Bass Fishin'

Seems Lance Bass & Reichen (reality TV hunk from Amazing Race) are a couple. Hmmmm....

Numbers Theory

From EW:

Lost: The origin of the Numbers, revealed!
With your help, readers, we've solved Lost! Again! And just in time for a soul-crushing monthlong hiatus.

Stop reading right now if (a) you don't want your mind blown and (b) you prefer to remain in the dark about the origin of the mysterious recurrent Numbers.

I'm proud to say I can take some credit for this one. My recap of last week's episode included a link to a page about Ayers Rock, Australia's famous magnetic mound. (It figured big in last week's episode.) Now, I wasn't smart enough to understand the full impact of that link, but luckily, Ed Markel was. He submitted the following to our illustrious Doc Jensen, expert on all things Lost.

"The magnetic field of Ayers Rock was not strong enough to heal Rose, but the mag field of the Island was. The numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 are points along the Becker-Hagens Planetary Grid System. It's all kind of complicated and strange, but the final answer is the Island is located exactly at point 42 on the grid -- it's about halfway between Australia and the east side of the African continent.

"This magnetic stuff is pretty weird, if you read it all -- and there's a lot of it -- but the whole mystery of Lost is contained in these pages. Everything. The Dharma symbol -- the octagon -- is a Becker-Hagens grid. I'm kind of sad now that I have solved it, no more mystery."

No more mystery, Ed? Oh, I doubt that. Unless you're proficient in New Age sciento-theology, there are quite a few things left mysterious. For instance: Why are all the castaways magnetically attuned to the island? How did "magnetic fields" bring a small airplane all the way from Africa to the Southern Indian Ocean? And does Magnetic Fields frontman Stephin Merritt know about this theory? Is he behind it all? Does this explain why I get his songs stuck in my head?

More explanations, please. Clearly, we're going to need the full power of the collective consciousness to crack Lost. And after that's done, maybe we'll move on to priority two: world peace.

What is Wrong With These People?

NEW YORK (AP) -- Tom Cruise has taken the impending birth of his first child with fiancee Katie Holmes to another level.

"We've been doing seminars with the family just to educate them," the 43-year-old star of the upcoming "Mission: Impossible III" film tells GQ magazine in its May issue, on newsstands April 25. "Running seminars so we can understand what Kate's going through, and for Kate to understand it. Things like how to take care of a pregnant woman and get ready for the birth. "It's just kind of becoming a fun game of learning. We've also been studying what happens after the birth and how to take care of the baby."

Click Here To See Their Fake Looking Love

--I think I'm going to puke.

Thursday, April 13

Lost Recap

From EW:

Okay, this one got to me. I can admit it. I'm secure in my manhood. For example, just dare me to shoot a rope in two. I'll do it, Jack-style, lickety-split.

But I don't want to suggest that this was any sort of Jack episode. Oh, no. We were reminded that our Jack is a cowboy, that he's got skillz and planz and a strategy for confronting The Others. (To wit: Trade NotHenry for Walt.) He and Kate hit the woods with a single pistol loaded with sexual tension. They end up in a net, grappling for the gun. My friend Liz notes: Rather than using ''one of Locke's 600 knives,'' they break out the firearms. Jack actually shoots them free! Hilarious. Finally, on the edge of the forest, they get a return on their efforts: Michael tumbles out of the bush in a heap. Michael! That guy who used to yell Waaaaalt a lot! He's back!

Charlie and Eko are building a church; Locke's drawing the blast-door map from memory and flirting with full-on button abstinence. Fine stuff. But not terribly important: For this was Rose and Bernard's episode. Rose and Bernard, mere cute-couple window-dressing until now, take center stage. They're not an old old couple. They're a new old couple, who met and married less than a year prior to the crash. Another wrinkle: Rose is dying of an undisclosed cancer. Even more mystifying: Bernard is... a dentist!(Okay, not so mystifying, unless you were wondering why everyone on the island has such perfect teeth.

Why was the happy couple honeymooning in Australia? Bernard was taking Rose to a faith healer named Isaac of Uluru. Uluru is the aboriginal name for Ayers Rock, the iconic natural mound of the Aussie Outback. It's a major point of interest for New Age types. (Go here for more on this magnetic natural marvel and its purported cosmic significance.) But Isaac can do nothing for Rose. But he suggests there's another place — with different magnetic energies — that can help her. For those keeping score at home, that's two mentions of magnetic mojo in as many weeks. (NotHenry last week told us that the Hatch made a sound like ''a giant magnet'' when the countdown ended.)

So... as the Hatch orientation film and countless Web hints have told us, magnetism is key. And it might cure what ails ye. The island heals: It restored Locke's legs, and now we know it cured Rose's cancer (according to Rose, whose faith in miracles is very much restored). Now we know how Charlie ''got better'' after his hanging. And while the producers have said that anyone who dies on the island is very much dead, clearly, people can bounce back from quite a lot.

Problem is, once you're healed, you're bound to the island, or so Rose surmises. She has no intention of leaving. And once she shares this belief with Bernard, he agrees — wholeheartedly and without question. (Though I suppose a guy who'd give $10,000 to a faith healer probably wouldn't have any trouble believing in a magic island.) Unless I'm much mistaken (or just a big sissy), there wasn't a dry eye in the viewership when Bernard said, ''You're never leaving this island, Rose. And if you're not leaving, I'm not leaving.'' My friend Liz totally cried. Me? Well, I'm more of a rootin' tootin' rope shootin' kinda man. Who totally cried.

Did you cry? What are the larger implications of Rose and Bernard's story? Is it all about magnets? And what new information will Michael's return bring?

Lost Theory From Jeff Jensen

Long, but interesting....

EW senior writer Jeff Jensen unveils a new Big Idea, and tries to figure out the flashbacks, Henry Gale, and more

WHAT'S EKO BUILDING? His silence leaves us curious
Congratulations to Drew Wheeler, who correctly attributed last week's movie-referencing quip — ''All for you, Lost! All for you!'' — to my intended source: The Omen.

And congrats to Nancy Arsenault, Lucinda Sutton, Big Joe, and Jason Morris, who guessed The Stand, which is technically accurate, but not what I was going for, because, uh, I've never read it. (Please don't tell my colleague Mr. King, okay?)

All of these winners received an advance copy of THE HISTORY THEORY OF LOST, which I will share with all of you today — right after this week's edition of...

A weekly ranking of Lost's watercooler mysteries.

Until last week, I held to the point of view that Lost could have gotten away with never explaining the indirect links between the castaways in their pre-Island lives as revealed in the flashbacks: Sawyer and Jack's dad jawing deeply over drinks in a Sydney bar; Locke toiling away at a box company owned by lotto-rich minimagnate Hurley; Sayid popping up on a TV in the military recruiting office where Kate's dad works, etc. These moments — which until last week have always been played, for the most part, with the right balance of explicitness and subtlety — could have kept feeding Lost's ongoing Big Theme ideas of coincidence, fate, and manipulation without ever ultimately needing a definitive, declarative statement that clarified the true nature of these intriguing synchronicities.

No more.

To quote my editor, friend, and fellow nutjob Lostie Dan Fierman: ''I DEMAND ANSWERS!''
At the very least, they have to deal squarely with Libby. Ain't no way they can never clarify if she truly was a fellow patient in Hurley's loony bin, or if this is another example of Grok Theory, or if the writers just couldn't resist the temptation of being too winky for their own good.

Time will tell. And the clock is ticking.

DOC JENSEN LOST-O-MATIC INSTA-THEORY Contrary to what others are saying, the Libby/Hurley loony-bin moment was part of Hurley's flashback, not a sudden leap into Libby's memory, which would mark an unprecedented formal break in the show's narrative template. It could be another example of Grok Theory. Or it could be a dramatic expression of how Hurley has welcomed Libby into his paranoid head as a new figure in his personal mythology; her retroactive integration into Hurley's past is merely symbolic of her significance to Hurley's present. She is his angel, always over his shoulder (literally, in his flashback); she is his Beatrice in the mumbo-jumbo limbo of his life, his beacon of enlightenment; she is his touchstone of mental health. And if you can decode what I just said and rewrite it in English, I'll e-mail you an exclusive Doc Jensen Lost theory.

Notice how Libby's face melted into sad, knowing melancholy right after her episode-ending pep talk with Hurley, right before we segued one final time into Hurley's head. Secrets abound behind that look, methinks, and my hunch is we'll discover at least a few of them before season's end. Could she be an Other? A Dharma agent? A Widmore Labs marketing executive?

LAST WEEK No. 2 CRACKPOT ANALYSIS Without a doubt, Henry Gale will be remembered as one of the best things about Lost's second season — and here's hoping we'll be seeing more of him in future seasons. Gale was full of cryptic comments last week, but perhaps the most important may have been dismissing the Hatch as ''a joke.'' Naturally, I wondered if this affirmed my Skinner box speculations about the Hatch. But after I got done prematurely congratulating myself, I realized the more provocative implication of Gale's observation. Recall not so much what Gale had to say about the Hatch but his context for those comments: Gale spoke as if he had no knowledge of the Hatch prior to his capture, or as if he weren't terribly impressed by the Hatch or personally invested in its existence. Either possibility is significant, because if Gale truly is an Other, they both lead to a very important clarification: The Dharma Initiative and the Others are distinct entities with separate agendas. For those of us who assumed that the Others have been working on behalf of Dharma because of the flashback to Claire's captivity inside Dharma's Hospital Hatch as an Others hostage, it now appears that we assumed incorrectly. Assuming, of course, that Gale is telling the truth. And if there's anything that this paragraph has established, it's that we shouldn't assume anything about Lost.

DOC JENSEN LOST-O-MATIC INSTA-THEORY Contrary to Gale's claims of no more lies, I think the little snake is still lying through his teeth. I don't think he's an Other, and I don't think he's Dharma. I think he's someone or something else — an operative working on behalf of another agency at work on the Island. That agency? See No. 6.
ECODJBR About Dharma and the Others being separate? 95%. About Gale not being an Other? 42%

LAST WEEK Not ranked
CRACKPOT ANALYSIS Mmmmmm... Peanut butter... Mmmmm. Anyway: The Dave thing, for me, completely validated my philosophy that spoilers are a good thing. I watched the episode knowing that Dave was make-believe, thanks to some advance intel supplied by multiple well-placed inside sources (okay, some guy on the East Coast called me right after watching the episode and I begged him to tell me), and so I was able to fully engage and interface with Dave as he really was: a poignant embodiment of Hurley's relationship with food. I'm not fond of fakeouts like the Dave twist, especially when they run the risk of distracting from deeper, superior ideas embedded within a story. Besides, what did the Dave twist really accomplish for the episode, apart from that bit of business with the photograph, which was only necessary to set up the Libby beat at the end? Not much, in my opinion. By the way: My dad, who has joined me of late in the dark side of Lost obsession, insists that he saw in one shot the following numbers on Dave's hand: 10 28 84. I missed this, but I trust my dad, because he's a real-life detective, so he's, like, really good at detecting things.

DOC JENSEN LOST-O-MATIC INSTA-THEORY The date — whose individual digits add up to 23 — indicate the day Hurley created Dave... meaning, Hurley's been seeing fake people for much longer than we realize. By the way: Isn't that 23-people-on-a-balcony tragedy an anecdote from the Dave Eggers' book A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius? If so, it could feed my unpublished ''In-Flight Entertainment'' theory, which states that everything that's taking place on the show is a group hallucination taking place aboard Oceanic 815 — a hallucination shaped by the books, comic books, music, movies, etc. that the passengers putting into their brains during the long flight to Los Angeles.

Because my well-placed inside source told me so.

LAST WEEK No. 2/No. 5
CRACKPOT ANALYSIS Last week, Lost fans everywhere were speculating that lockdowns in the Hatch are initiated during Dharma food drops — and voilà! Here's Charlie speculating the same darn thing! By the way, my mom has a burning question: Shouldn't the castaways be more worried about where the supplies are coming from, and shouldn't they be less interested in scarfing down corn flakes and more frustrated that an airplane passed overhead and failed to see them?

DOC JENSEN LOST-O-MATIC INSTA-THEORY My parents are becoming more obsessed with the show than I am.
Now you know where I get it.

LAST WEEK No. 10 CRACKPOT ANALYSIS Yeah! What is Mr. Eko building? And why won't he answer the damn question?

DOC JENSEN LOST-O-MATIC INSTA-THEORY He's building a church, or a crypt, or a cross, or a giant wicker man, and planning to burn himself up as the sacrificial lamb for the castaways' past transgressions.

Since I celebrate this week, I can make jokes about it. And anyway, I'm referencing a movie. The definition of cult classic, cheesy yet creepy. Own it today!

CRACKPOT ANALYSIS Lost bumbled its first attempt to plant this allegedly major new mythological mystery back in the Charlie episode, then snuck it in a few weeks later in the form of the pregnancy kit (brand name: Widmore Labs) Sun got from Sawyer. Now, word on the Web is that a deleted scene from a recent episode shows WIDMORE on the air tanks of Henry's balloon. Why the deletion? Is Lost getting cold feet about this mystery?

DOC JENSEN LOST-O-MATIC INSTA-THEORY Assuming the answer to that last question is ''No'': Henry Gale will be revealed as an agent for the Widmore Corporation, a vast, far-reaching conglomerate that has somehow obtained Dharma's research into subliminal manipulation (the whispers in the wind, the hieroglyphics in the Hatch timer) and is using that learning to insidiously market its products, as opposed to Dharma's intention, which was to trick the world toward one-world utopia.
Actually, this is a permutation of my ''Imagine'' theory, which we'll get to at another time.

As hinted at in my Henry Gale musings, I have recently arrived at a new approach to Lost theorizing. Which is this:
There is no super-string theory that sums up and explains the many mysteries of Lost. Instead, perhaps we should be viewing the Island's mythology as... well, mythology. More specifically, as history. And an evolving history at that. My bold prediction is that Lost won't give us some Big Answers in the season finale, but it will provide us with some much-needed context to more productively explore the questions.

For example, what if we were to learn the following:
Each of the essential mysteries of Lost — including the Monster, the Dharma Initiative, the Others — have separate and distinct origins. Until now, Lostologists such as myself have confused these mysteries as being intimately integrated components of a single-conspiracy solution. My new thinking is that, at best, all these things are loosely interconnected, inasmuch as they represent eras of Island history that have overlapped.

ANCIENT HISTORY: The Monster. Smokey's been here for ages. We know nothing of his/her/its origins, and probably never will. It's possible that subsequent visitors to the Island have experimented on him/her/it and profoundly altered him/her/it, and maybe even trained him/her/it like a dog. Like a watchdog. As in the ''Cerberus'' reference on the Map.

BLACK ROCK ERA: Slave ship in the Jungle. Came to the Island a few hundred years ago. The story of the survivors (and descendents?) remains untold.

HANSO/DHARMA INITIATIVE ERA: A relatively brief era, and most likely, its true nature remains a mystery — meaning, the Orientation Film is bogus.

THE ''OTHERS'' ERA: The Others are a separate, non-Hanso/Dharma group — A doomsday cult? A radical Deep Ecology sect? The Orphans from Theodore Roszak's novel Flicker? They came to the Island, co-opted abandoned Dharma facilities and equipment, and are masquerading as ''The Dharma Initiative'' as they pursue their own agenda. It's possible that the Others are not a happy bunch of campers. Remember when Zeke greedily took the guns away from Jack, Locke, and Sawyer earlier this season? Is it possible that Zeke ain't seeing eye to eye with this mysterious ''He/Him'' that he and Gale alluded to and is plotting a coup?

THE WIDMORE ERA: The latest era and dominant contextual force on the island, utilizing Dharma science as direct marketing tools — as in, directing marketing products into your consciousness. Could the castaways be test subjects for Widmore product/market-research testing?

In the context of the ongoing, overlapping Others/Widmore eras, three separate ''moments'' have occurred, either by accident or design:

ADAM AND EVE: The skeletons near the waterfall. My gut is that someday, a whole separate Very Special Episode of Lost will be tell their tale.

THE FRENCH EXPEDITION: Late '80s. All save Rousseau die.

OCEANIC 815 CASTAWAYS: Most likely, they were brought to the Island, perhaps by Widmore. Yep: The castaways didn't crash on the Island, but were made to think they crashed on the Island. Most likely, there's a landing strip on the other side of the Island.

In the season finale, Jack and company are gonna find it.

Due to Too Much Stuff to Cover, we're going to stop there for now. Next week, we reveal the Ultimate List of Lost Loose Ends, plus a few surprises that'll knock your socks off.

Until then, I leave you with this burning question to debate:
Good fan or bad fan?

Tuesday, April 11


From PerezHilton:

We're not sure exactly what went down or why/how, but we are hearing that Sean Preston Spears was injured over the weekend, one source claims he suffered a skull fracture.

As a result, a sheriff's deputy and a representative of the Department Of Children and Family Services visited Britney Spears' home on Saturday afternoon. The DCFS is currently investigating the situation and LAPD are not releasing any information on what occurred.

We hope Tater Tot is okay! More details to come as we learn more.

Grammar Experts... Please Read!

From Kristin, over at E! Can anyone decipher this?

Who is the one dying on Lost?
I don't know. Seriously. However, I'm 99.9 percent certain your verb is incorrect(!).

Is someone already dead on Lost?
No. For the record, the verb conjugation is wrong. Not the tense. We won't get nitpicky about the verb-subject agreement.

Monday, April 10

Time For Tivo!

Here's a couple of interesting shows you may want to consider adding to your season pass (for those times when nothing decent is on)

TLC debuts two new self-help, feel-good reality series tonight starting at 9 p.m. ET. First, there’s Honey We’re Killing the Kids!, which follows Dr. Lisa Hark as she scares children and their parents about their crappy eating habits. She does that by showing kids and their parents “a frightening look at the possible future faces of their children” using a computer, TLC says. Then, she “works with parents to reverse course and give their kids a healthy diet and active lifestyle.” (I'll be making sure my 14 yr old is watching.... little miss I Eat Everything In Sight!)

At 10 comes Shalom in the Home The series stars Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, and in each episode he “helps families overcome their thorniest problems” over a 10-day episode. The Rabbi shows up to homes across America in a high-tech trailer that serves as his office and own personal NSA, as he watches the family’s interaction through hidden cameras. Then, he sets about trying to fix their problems, sort of like a non-secular version of Dr. Phil married with Judge Judy. In a column describing his new series, he says that, as a society, “we focus far too much on peace in the world at the expense of peace in the home,” and this is his attempt to fix that problem. And it’s clear that this is his show more than it is the family’s.

The first family he tackles is in the process of divorce, and the kids are going crazy. He tells the Philadelphia Daily News, “In this first show, you find all the important problems — fidelity, teenage sex, divorce, adultery, absentee father. We try to deal with the problems holistically, though, and that is the uniqueness of the show. In most family shows, they try to solve one problem, but you can’t fix one end of the family if the other end is broken. You have to do lots of things together.”

The Boston Globe’s Matthew Gilbert says Boteach is “judgmental,” “self-righteous and manipulative in his hunger to restore peace.” The Arizona Republic’s Bill Goodykoontz says the series “rises above the usual level of this kind of thing for one reason, and one reason only: the show’s ‘star,’ Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.”

A Little Lost

Episode 2.20: Two for the Road (Ana-Lucia-centric)
Airdate: May 3, 2006

Jack and Kate bring an exhausted Michael back to the camp, and with him, news about "The Others." Meanwhile, Ana Lucia attempts to get the prisoner to confess, and Hurley plans a surprise date for Libby.

No Fruit or Vegetable

Instead, Gwyneth Paltrow named her new baby boy, Moses.

I'm underwhelmed.

Sigh Of Relief

Lost Keeps On Keepin' On

Thursday, April 6

Idol Recap

Courtesy of TV Gasm

LOST Scoop

What happened to Vincent on Lost? Last we knew, Shannon was taking care of him
Get that packing slip ready, Brent: We'll see Vincent in next week's episode and then again in the finale.

You said that last week's episode of Lost would reveal a surprising link between Locke and Sawyer. What happened?
A line of dialogue was excised to make the link more subtle. But trust me — it's there.
Somehow, I don't think that it is a coincidence that Locke's father was a con man just like Sawyer.
See, Ken — I told you it was there.

Was Rose blind and now she can see?

OMIGOD! Rose can't have a baby?
That's not it, either.

WTF has happened with Michael and Walt? When will their hiatus end?
Didn't I already tell you guys we'd see Michael again during May sweeps? And I'm guessing where there's Michael, there's Walt.

LOST Recap

When Hurley starts seeing his imaginary playmate Dave, Libby helps him confront his eating issues; plus, prisoner Henry keeps tormenting his captors by Scott Brown

WEIGHT! I CAN EXPLAIN! Hurley's problems all go back to overeating
Greetings, my imaginary readers. Before making the existential cliff dive off this computer and into bed, I'll share with you some of my crazier thoughts/rants/hallucinations about tonight's episode.

Suffice it to say I have wildly mixed feelings. I'm rather protective of the Hugo character. I don't like to see him abused. Falling back on the fat thing — which, until recently, was not our man's defining character conflict — seems cheap and lazy somehow. As Lost co-watcher and character-consistency expert Liz pointed out, how did a guy who seemed reasonably at ease with his girth last season end up being defined by it? And the line ''I'm so fat I killed two people!'' came out sounding like the punchline to an especially conceptual playground joke. Yes, it's Hurley's weight that originally sent him to the mental institution — he stepped onto a deck at a party, it gave way, and...disaster! Catatonia! Binge-eating! Institutionalization! The cursed surreality of Hurley's post-lottery life must've come more easily to him than he let on in earlier flashbacks. Clearly, his pre-win existence was just as weird and tragic.

It doesn't quite add up. But Jorge Garcia, bless him, makes the math work — close enough for prime time, at least. He's got a nice light touch, and that makes near-ridiculous scenes like the Great Therapeutic Food-Wasting (hello? desert island?) almost credible. Personally, I was hoping to keep open the possibility of an Island as Hurley Hallucination scenario: It smacks of The Twilight Zone, of course, but also of that infamous Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode ''Normal Again,'' where it's hinted that Buffy has merely dreamed the whole show from the lockup ward.

Or maybe it does remain a possibility. As does this: Dave (Sex and the City's Evan Handler, flying gleefully over the cuckoo's nest and into oblivion) was an illusion, but was he a flesh-and-blood illusion? Can the island manifest dreams, fantasies, nightmares, etc.? (The small print on the Dharma map suggests that the polar bear was bred, not sprung from the mind of Walt. But still...) Was an island avatar of Jack's father really walking around? What about that friggin' Kate horse?

I was holding out for another twist, and I got one: Libby, whom I long ago nominated as an Other, is revealed to be Hurley's fellow mental patient at Santa Rosa. He doesn't remember her. Whether or not she remembers him remains to be seen. The big flashback reveal — Libby downing her own complement of antipsychotics at a table behind Hurley's — can be interpreted several ways. Either (a) she fixated on our Hugo in the institution and followed him, or (b) she's Dharma all the way ( and the organization recruits mental cases who'll be easy to brainwash), or (c) it's all happenstance. Her chillingly ambiguous expression after embracing Hugo would suggest she knows more than she's telling.

Oh, and speaking of that: Henry Gale, or whatever his real name is — what a gift! I could watch Michael Emerson (the actor playing unHenry) read the island phonebook and be completely satisfied. The man can take a potential clunker like ''God doesn't know how long we've been here'' and make it sound positively Miltonic. And now that I've come to accept this diminished Locke — the crutches help — I'm really enjoying the way unHenry plays our Man of Faith like a violin. (I know — total 180. Let the flaming begin.) ''I'm done lying.'' Yeah, right, dude. Why even mention the clunk of that giant magnet? By my count, it's now happened twice on the Losties' watch, the first time being when Locke missed the deadline and the hieroglyphics showed for the first time. The magnet clunked then, too. See, I think the Hatch is more than a Skinner box, where test subjects are compelled by fear, belief, peer pressure, whatever, to perform meaningless tasks. No, I think it's designed to make its prisoners believe it's a Skinner box — then spring real consequences on them just when they start to congratulate themselves on their liberation. UnHenry is now telling Locke that the eye of God isn't on them anymore — the last thing Locke wants to hear. But if Locke starts living without a plan, without a firm belief in an ordered universe, the delicate ecology of the castaways' society could be upset. On a purely physical level? I think the magnet's effects are cumulative, as is the damage unHenry is doing to the Losties' fragile social network.

So...conjecture time. What's Eko building? Is it related to Sayid's mystery machine? How much stuff is Charlie going to help build before he finds out what he's working on? And did the orders to construct a war machine already come down from Ana Lu or Jack to key players like Eko and Sayid, unbeknownst to the other castaways?

So write in, take me to task, give me some answers, tell me where Vincent the Dog ran off to. (I miss that harbinger pooch!) Also, I'd like to make one thing perfectly clear: Theory aside, character kvetching aside, this episode continues a promising trend. Namely, brisk forward motion. Suspense, rooted in character angst. This was no tree-frog hunt, no wild-horse chase — this was life and death. The island is starting to feel dangerous again. Goody.

Tuesday, April 4

Uncle Jesse

He's going full-time ER next year.

Now it's only a matter of time until she shows us her...

Well, you'll know what I mean when I tell you that Jessica Simpson is now Pam Anderson in Baywatch.

Lost Theories

You have to be a scientist to understand some of this shit.

Monday, April 3

Last Lost of the Day

Article published last week on (how did I miss this?)

Click Here To Read

TomKat News

Last week, it was revealed Katie will give birth surrounded by huge white signs reminding her to stay silent. The former 'Dawson's Creek' star has allegedly agreed to deliver her baby in total quiet in accordance with a bizarre Scientology tradition, created by the religion's founder L. Ron Hubbard. The couple have had posters spelling out Katie's labour rules delivered to their home.

Friends - thought to be Scientology elders - were photographed carrying the placards through the gates of the couple's plush Los Angeles mansion. One of the 6ft signs reads: "Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable."

--I am kinda thinkin' Katie should have been more aware of her "physical movements" about 9 months ago.

What The Hell?

US Academy Award-winning rappers Three 6 Mafia say they are producing and recording tracks with Paris Hilton for her music debut.

New Name Alert! New Name Alert!

No longer content with her previous selection, Mortimer, Gwynnie has now chosen Tink (as in Tinkerbell).

And In Cruise News.....

This week the celebrity magazines dangle a carrot so golden, so mouth-wateringly mesmeric it's all that we can do to open the glossy pages.

It all starts with the cover of Woman's Day and the headline "FBI Tapes Reveal Why Tom and Nicole Split". Inside, below a blurry photo of said ex-couple looking fed up and daggily coiffured, is news of a tape "that reveals why Nic and Tom split". Scandalous details are surely to follow.

It seems an American private investigator, Anthony Pellicano, has taped Kidman and Cruise having "very private and very intimate" phone conversations, possibly discussing "the reasons for their divorce". Rousing stuff.

Then, while we're still waiting to hear what made the pair split, WD delivers one almighty waffle about Kidman being "terrified", "distraught", "upset", "panicking", "distressed", "bracing herself", "reliving her nightmare" and "concerned" about the tapes. Must be really bad.

Mere sentences later, WD kicks us in our desperate guts with reports the tapes are so embarrassing, Kidman and Cruise "could retreat out of the Hollywood spotlight completely".

While that may be blessed news for many, do we ever learn of the tapes' contents in this huff 'n' puff piece of journalism? No, we do not.


Couric Watch

For those who give a shit:

Looks like Katie had a little work done over her vaco..... hmmmm....

Also, this appears to be the most current rendition of the News Anchor-Go-Round rumors:

Katie Couric is going to CBS Evening News for a reported $39 million for 3 years! She has an option to get out, or vice versa. Meredith Viera is her replacement for a reported $30 million 5-year contract. Viera’s replacement on “The View” is none other than Mimi Rogers (ex Mrs. Cruise), yes you heard me right! Her new beau works on the Wall Street. Salary is reported at $2 million dollars a year? Also, there is a growing buzz to let Star Jones go, once her contract is up in early 2007. She has turned into a liability for the network. Apparently, Tyra Banks was suggested, and the idea was laughed off. Barbara Walters is fiercely pushing for her Indian friend who is “older and wiser” (and annoying): cookbook writer/actress, Madhur Jaffrey to be the new “ethnic” mix.

Charlie Gibson IS NOT getting a permanent spot on ABC World News Tonight. Vargas is taking on full-time duty for ABC’s World News Tonight, till Woodruff comes back. Till Vargas is over with baby duties, Gibson will do rotations. Neither Gibson nor Sawyer were released, to counter the Lauer-Viera Combo. Sawyer and Gibson want to re-negotiate the contracts.

--I don't know about you, but it sounds like a lot of gibberish and whole lotta moola! Can someone get me a piece of the action?

Surprisingly Amusing

I don't like Rosie O'Donnell. However, I did pick up this little tidbit a few moments ago and actually laughed out loud, so I'm sharing it.

"Here's what annoys me about Star Jones," says Rosie O'Donnell.

"To write a book about how to be the perfect woman that she now is, and to leave out gastric bypass and the supposed gender-identity issues of your husband, it's just like selling bulls— to the point that it's sickening."

Geez, Rosie, what do you really think? (Although to be fair, Jones' husband, Al Reynolds, doesn't have "gender identity" issues, it's just that he's … oh, never mind.)

O'Donnell tells New York magazine: "And she pushed away a plate of Oreos with Joy [Behar, her co-host on "The View"]. They had new Double Stuf Oreos they had to eat, obviously, because they had a Nabisco deal at ABC, and Star goes, 'I'll just have one, because I have self-control.' And I thought, Joy's gonna say it. She's gonna say, 'You lying sack of s—, you can only eat one because you poop soup!'"

A Ton of Lost Tidbits!

Courtesy of Kristin at E!

In regards to the map on the hatch door, from Exec Producer, Damon Lindelof:
"The beauty of it is, the door goes back up and [Locke] can't access the thing anymore, so for the next two episodes, he's just trying to remember what it is he saw," Damon revealed. "It's such a huge piece of 'Wait a minute!' in sort of the spirit of Locke as a man of faith being given instructions from the island. This thing that only he can see."

Turns out that supercool black-light reveal is a major plot point that carries on through the rest of the season. "Oh yeah, big time," Damon said. "I mean, it plays huge in the finale, and even in episodes 21 through 24. Twenty-one is an episode that is very much on the sort of fundamental axis of that map, and it's a Locke and Eko story, which is going to be awesome. [Executive Producer] Carlton [Cuse] and I wrote it. That episode is just called '?' because that is the symbol Locke remembers from the map."

And some other goodies:

1. Someone's Having Sex: While answering a question many of you wanted to know--whether there are any gay characters on Lost--Damon slipped in a little juicy scoop of some upcoming jungle lovin': "All I can say is Lost is a remarkably chaste show, considering that any other group of people on an island for two months would be, basically, screwing like bunnies," he said. "And, you know, Sayid and Shannon are the only people who've made love since the crash. That is going to change by the end of the season. But it's all boy-girl action for now. For now!" The biggest remaining question? Did he intentionally or unintentionally leave out Jin and Sun?

2. Kate and Jack, Sitting in a Tree... Good news for you "Kack" fans! "Things are actually going to heat up a little bit between Kate and Jack in episode 19, which is Rose's and Bernard's flashbacks," Lindelof said. "That's a fun story that is very much sort of Kate bouncing back toward Jack now as we go into the finale." Breathe, "Skate" fans, breathe.

3. A Lostie Is Found: Damon (who, by the way, has stellar taste in television, including a love of Prison Break) also happens to be a fan of 24 and, like us fans, got a kick out of seeing his MIA Desmond [Henry Ian Cusick] coming face to face with Kiefer Sutherland in last week's episode. "He was holding a gun and saying, 'Don't move, or I'll shoot him.' It was the exact same dialogue!" As for the casting of Malcolm David Kelley (Walt) as a kidnapped boy on My Name Is Earl, Damon muses, "Hey, at least we didn't kidnap him...Oh, wait. We did." Regardless, when asked the status on all the MIAs (Walt, Michael, Desmond), Damon said only, "Desmond will be back. And that's all I can say." Hey, I'll take it.

4. Sun Is a "Dirty Little Whore": Okay, so, maybe I'm the one who called her that (all in good fun, of course), but Damon played along. "She is! She is a dirty little whore," he laughed. "No, I think what's really great about that story, and obviously we talked to Yunjin [Kim] a lot about it because as an actress she needs to know, like, 'What am I playing here? Did I sleep with this other guy?' So, I think it's a credit to her nuanced performance that your take-away as an audience member is like, 'Did she just lie to Jin's face?!' I mean, the episode is called 'The Whole Truth.' But what's so exciting to me is that for people who say nothing ever happens on this show, you need only look at Sun and Jin and where those two were in the pilot, where he slaps her hand, and where they are now. And those two are going to be very active in the finale. We've got some cool stuff cooked up for them."

5. The Clues Do Mean Something: Many of you fans wanted to know whether the Easter eggs and hidden "clues" that we online fans obsess over incessantly actually mean something. "I don't spend a lot of time on the Web anymore," Damon admitted, "because, you know, unfortunately Web chatter can be overwhelmingly negative, and it gets in my head. It was so much fun when I was reading about shows I wasn't writing! But people will come up to me and say, 'I saw this. Does this mean anything?' and I'd say that 90 percent of the things that people mention to me are intentional."

6. This Year's Season Finale Is [Fill in the Blank] Compared to Last Year's: When asked if there will be bigger reveals in the season ender, Damon said, "I mean, whatever I say, if I promise we're revealing craploads of mythology, then people's expectations will be high for craploads. 'Well, what is a crapload exactly? Is that more than a bushel?' It's our belief that we're answering a lot of questions. Certainly more than in last year's finale. But you know, in the tradition of the show, we have to end the season of Lost with something incredibly intriguing and engaging that will make people talk all summer long, if we do our job right, and want to come back when we premiere again. And when you do something like that and people have to wait for it, the reaction is very commonly, 'You didn't give me enough!' So, I can't really anticipate how people will react."

7. Get Ready: That said, the season is revving up. "We feel that this batch of currently running episodes, through 19, is kind of the calm before the storm," Damon said. "And then episodes 20 through 24, those final five hours of the show, we're all overwhelmingly excited about because there is a lot of incident and action and mystery revelation coming down the pike. We're really, really jazzed about that final pot of episodes."

Saturday, April 1

The Lost Map