Thursday, March 31

Snark A Tron 8300


Happy 3rd Birthday, Marc!

Just a shout out to the most fantastic 3-year-old I know.

Or she could get a job...

A mother of five in Tennessee who put her name up for bid online sold it to an Internet gambling site for $15,000, according to a Local 6 News report.
Terri Iligan, 33, sells her name to help send her daughter to the same golf school that Tiger Woods attended.
The Internet site Golden Palace Casino won the auction for $15,000. Iligan will officially be named once the legal work is complete.
"To my kids and to my husband, I will always be Terri. My husband is real supportive," she told WATE-TV in Knoxville. "He thinks it's funny. As long as they get to call me mom, they don't care." (LOCAL 6 NEWS)

While We're At It

Constantine is nasty. Put your shirt back on.

Scott Saval: Criminal At Large

If America isn't going to vote this loser off, then this is what it must come to. The man beat his girlfriend.

Wrangle Up Yer Tivo's, Kids

Network cockfight! ABC and Fox are planning to pit the Lost and American Idol season finales against each other in a bloody Nielsen deathmatch.

To Die Or Not To Die..... That Is The Question

From CNN:
Did Terri Schiavo's final days change the way you view life and death?

From Gawker:
Yes. It’s shown us that death is not a private matter for family and friends, it’s a public spectacle for politically motivated partisan hacks, opportunistic cable news channels, hack late night comedians, and unfunny bloggers to pick over the desiccated body of a sad, sick woman who is unable to speak for herself yet has become the empty vessel into which the aspirations, fears, and soul-crushing lies of snakes, scoundrels, and fools are dumped like so much toxic sludge from the rotting core of this dying planet.

Does that answer your question?

Vomit Worthy

AL Reynolds had a surprise Tuesday night for his beloved wife, Star Jones. The happy hubby showed up at actor Alan Cumming's reading of erotica at Duvet Tuesday evening, checked out the room and made a beeline for the gift bags, to which he helped himself. We can only imagine what the newlyweds did when he got home with his swag, which included a pair of furry handcuffs, a whip and a bottle of Svedka vodka. Reynolds' rep did not return calls.


Doctor Carter Has Left The Building.... Sorta

From E!

CALLING IT QUITS: USA Today reporting that Noah Wyle, the last original cast member of NBC's ER, will leave the medical drama as a regular in May when his character, Dr. John Carter, meets up with his true love, Kern, (Thandie Newton), in Paris. He'll be back however for four episodes in each of the next two seasons.

Lost Review

Compliments of EW:

On ''Lost,'' Locke questions his faith in the island: When he repeatedly fails to open the mysterious hatch, the survivalist survivor begins to suffer crippling doubts by Jeff Jensen

At long last, Lost returned, and in the opening moments it answered a question that's been burning since the beginning: Just what would Locke look like with hair?

The answer: creepy.

Or more expansively, like a creepy dude that might work in a toy store and play Mousetrap with little kids. Literally. Once upon a pre-plane crash, our sage jungle kookaburra with the Brando-Kurtz bare 'do used to peddle action figures and Barbies to the tots. The choice of Mousetrap was deliberate, I'm sure, on many different levels, beginning with the flashback plot, in which we learned that during his off-island walking days (still no answers for how he wound up in a wheelchair), Locke was the victim of an elaborate plot — as convoluted and intricate (emotionally, at least) as a Rube Goldberg Mousetrap set-up. Locke was a foster child. Never knew his biological parents. One day at the toy store, he is talked up by Swoosie Kurtz, oozing nutjob and wearing a long matted fur coat. Slightly off himself, Locke found himself drawn to Lady Chewbacca — kinda unavoidable, anyway, since she was stalking him — and subsequently learned that Woozy Swoosie was his mother. Over coffee at a diner, Mommy dropped the real bomb: Boy, you have no pappy. You, my son, were ''immaculately conceived.''

Not even loony Locke could buy that one. Hiring the best PI a toy clerk can afford, Locke got the scoop on Woozy Swoosie (she's schizoid and frequently takes vacations from her meds) and his real dad, who turned out to be your average, everyday Rich White Male who could really use a kidney transplant, ASAP. Locke decided to seek his father out, and they bonded over drinks and bashing kooky Mom. One bird-hunting trip later, Daddy-whipped Locke was ready to give up his kidney. Yeah, it's a scam: Woozy Swoosie wasn't nuts, just setting him up, and Rich White Male didn't care about Locke, just one of his internal organs. But both were truly his parents, which in the end made the betrayal all the more sucky.

What we learned from all this was that Locke is a man filled with yearning — for meaning, particularly with someone or something that he can genuinely trust. Little wonder, then, that he has confused Twilight Zone Island for his own personal Jesus — though I suppose if this place miraculously healed my useless legs, I'd mistake the island for God, too. I might also mistake a mammoth septic tank buried in the dirt to be a portal to Heaven. This, of course, would be the mysterious hatch, and after the umpteenth time trying to bust it open with his Zoolander-looking disciple, Boone — a.k.a. Mr. If It's My Step-Sister Then It Doesn't Really Count As Incest, Right? Right? (that's Mr. IIMSSTIDRCAIRR, for short) — Locke wound up gouging his leg. Thing is, it didn't hurt. And after further tests — like burning the soles of his feet — Locke realized he couldn't feel anything below the waist. (Insert your own inappropriate joke here.)

Now, not being able to feel your sole (get it?) is a scary thing. Hence: Locke in spiritual tumult. Suddenly, his whole belief system is in jeopardy — his clear and present god, now dangerously remote to him. Worse still, his healed legs were now not-so-healed. Increasingly cranky and codgerish, Locke needed a sign, if not a walker . . .

. . . and got one — a sign, that is — courtesy of one of those kind of dream sequences filled with convoluted imagery and intricate portents, a real mousetrap of a vision, you might say. A small plane crashing into trees like a wounded bird. Woozy Swoosie doing sinister herky-jerky movements. Boone covered in blood and muttering, ''The owls are not what they seem'' — oops, sorry, I mean, ''Theresa falls up the stairs. Theresa falls down the stairs.'' (I thought this was Twin Peaks here for a second.) Theresa, it turns out, was Boone's former nanny or something, and Boone was indirectly responsible for her breaking her neck, which would seem to portend a future flashback episode for Boone . . .

. . . if not for the fact that Boone himself might not be around for it. Locke and Boone followed the clues of the vision through the jungle. First stop: dead priest in a tree, packing heat and Nigerian cash. Second stop: a small plane in a tree filled with Virgin Mary statues stuffed with heroin. (I called Guinness, and they confirmed it: Last night's Lost broke the record for Most Symbols Suggesting That Religion Is Utter Hogwash in a Single Hour of TV.) Boone climbed up to the plane, threw a Mary out the window. Locke wept. Boone picked up the radio, and hey! Crackle-crackle — it worked! Moreover, he got someone on the line . . . but we couldn't make out what the voice on the other end said, because suddenly, the plane lurched and dropped out of the tree. Boone fall down and go boom.

Locke took mangled and bloodied Boone to Jack, then fled to the Great and Mighty Septic Tank and tearfully demanded answers. Suddenly, the window in the hatch started glowing. Locke's eyes went wide. Boom! Credits.

Is Boone a goner? Tune in next week.

Personally, I find it a little easy to be sarcastic about last night's Lost, because despite a fine Terry O'Quinn performance, the kidney scam seemed too outlandish to set up the very simple and relatable notion that Locke is a seeker personality, and desperate enough for a meaningful, purpose-driven life to lack discernment. Thematically, the critique of zealot mentality, however well-meaning and well-intentioned, as a state of blindness was mirrored by the cutesy subplot involving Sawyer's headaches, which Jack diagnosed as being caused by Sawyer's failing eyesight. (The bit with Handyman Sayid welding together a pair from two different glasses from dead passengers was, well, cutesy.) Locke could use some corrective lenses, as well — the figurative kind that any of us could use to see in making our way through the spiritual life.

Some questions:

Was it just me, or did Boone hear the voice on the other end say something like ''We're survivors of Oceanic flight 815, too'' ? In other words, did Boone actually make contact with other plane-crash survivors on the island?

How many of the survivors have been directly or indirectly responsible for another person's death? Significant?

How many of the survivors have been involved directly or indirectly in a scam of some sort? Significant?

Finally: Locke: Bald Is Beautiful or Toupee Is Terrific? Debate.

Wednesday, March 30

Lost Spoilers

Locke is going AWOL, and that won't sit well with Jack and some of the others. They're going after him. Also, despite what JJ said at the Paley Fest panel session--that Claire would have the baby in the third season and it would be an adult--Claire is having that baby this season, in fact, very soon. Meanwhile, things are getting hot 'n' heavy for the couple Dom Monaghan likes to call Salman Rushdie and Paris Hilton--Sayid and Shannon. And by the by, Sayid's episode involves the CIA and a suicide bomber.

-Kristin on E!

More Alias Wet Dreams

Bradley Cooper is coming back, too! (I missed Will.)


U2's tour opened to ecstatic reviews. Why, oh why, do I have to wait until November 2 to see this tour?

American Idol Review

I have no time due to work, so here's Television Without Pity's take on A.I. Real quick, I want Paula's drugs. Mainly to get through the torture that is turning into this show. I also want all the guys, except for Bo, to be kicked off the show. Here's TWP:

Theme: Nineties. Simon/Ryan threat matrix: slow boil with scattered slap and tickle. Most irritating six-months-behind audience sign: "Vote 4 Pedro."

Bo sings "Remedy" by my Black Crowes nemesis, giving it sixteen percent while dressed like a gay meth-head swamp dweller. He gives his wide-brimmed cow-print (!) hat to Paula, the better to wear as she slaps her own ass on the dance floor some night soon. Randy loves it, Paula thinks he was awesome, and Simon calls it extreme karaoke.

Jessica sings the boringest, slowest song I've ever heard, by LeAnn Rimes, called "On The Side Of Angels." I can't speak to the singing because it makes me start cleaning my house to stay awake, but she looks great. Randy and Paula hate the song choice, and Simon calls her "unlikable" and doesn't think she's trying hard enough.

Anwar, with R. Kelly's (say it with me) "I Believe I Can Fly." It's not great. What the fuck key is this? Randy hates his lower register, and the first half in particular, and points out how Anwar is all about the last note each week. Paula drunkenly gets hyperbolic, but calls it an original version. True that. Simon agrees with Randy, pointing out how uneven it was, and also how Paula only remembers the latter half of a given song because she's an airhead.

Nadia does Etheridge, meaning I already love it and haven't heard it yet. She looks fantastic, for starters, with the dancing, and…you must be tired of me going on about Nadia, so cross-apply, because this is one of Those Nadia Moments. The only problem is the backup, which is true on every song tonight. Randy calls her a great performer and says she made something of it. Paula loves it "miles better from last week." Simon is nervous that the song might not be impressively melodic enough.

Constantine was totally into grunge once (so that's over, huh?), explaining his choice of Bonnie Raitt's ever so grungy "I Can't Make You Love Me," also the best song ever written. The intentional rock-slurring of sibilants and labials is there, horribly, and the congenital grossness is all over me, but…note-wise, he's brilliant. Vibrato well-employed, pitch excellent, emotion and phrasing passable and smart. I hate him so much, but it's weird, because this isn't just the best thing he's done, it's also -- I hate myself, you guys -- one of the best of the night. Please don't think I like him, I hate him and want to bludgeon him, but if I can say when Ryan's hot, I can sure as hell say when Constantine's okay. Randy loved it because it wasn't all fake like before: "The real guy showed up." Paula calls it his best "male" performance, heh, and Simon says he did better than Bo. I'm not going to agree with him on record. God help me.

Nikko sings, badly to start, while well-dressed and dancing watchably, "Can We Talk?" by fondly-remembered T.E.V.I.N. (I assume written by Babyface), but gets there as usual. He looks so cute, if asexual as ever. Randy gives accolades up out the joint, and he and Paula are terribly proud of him. Me too. Simon calls it an imitation of the original, which honestly is a diss on the extremely dated accompaniment more than anything.

A-Fed sings "Something About The Way You Look Tonight," by Elton John, which is in large part about how the eponymous "something" takes his "breath away," which is just asking for it. Randy notes the sexy change in look and calls it "all right," Paula thinks he did a great job, Simon is frustrated because certain parts were "excruciating." Yes.

Carrie sings Martina McBride's "Independence Day," which is the usual Oprah-Book-Club subject matter, like, just how many times can people get raped, domestic violenced, or otherwise done wrong in a country song? Little fake Hallmark cards of adversity. Great vocal, though. Randy and Paula agree, while Simon just tells her how freaking wonderful and "It Factor" and superstariffic she is. Again.

Scott sings, wonderfully -- and looking more presentable, although still creepy as hell -- "One Last Cry" by Brian McKnight, and man. He does vocal tricks he simply should not be able to do. Vocally I think it might be the best of the night: the effortlessness is back this week, which it hasn't been the last few weeks. He's been awesome, but not this freak-show note-perfect no-alterations fantastic in a while, and it's lovely. It is what he needed to do. Randy's not into it, so much, and calls it pitchy, Paula is drunk and "vibing it," and Simon tells him some shit that isn't true.

Vonzell sings "I Have Nothing," looking fantastic and curvy in a dress that shouldn't work -- one of those gathered-at-the-knee mermaid prom deals -- and hitting every note. She's not Nikko, recreating it from scratch, so it's kind of karaoke, but it's good. Randy calls it a little sharp, okay given the difficulty of the song, and says the girls are on fire tonight. Paula notes she was singing higher than Whitney herself, and thinks it was a top performance of the night. Simon said he would have thought three weeks ago that attempting Whitney was dumb, but he loved it.

Review: Bo was bored and working it, Jessica bored the fuck out of me, Anwar may or may not have entertained dogs across the country, Nadia was subdued and wonderful to watch, Constantine had a new eyelid tic and still keeps trying to fuck me, Nikko was awesome, A-Fed was harsh to listen to, Carrie sang a Carrie song just like Carrie, Scott was more awesome than he has been in weeks, and Vonzell was unmemorably great. Final tableau: Nadia, of course, and Constantine. Ugh, too confusing. See you tonight.

I Knew She Was Alive

Lena Olin, aka Irina Derevko aka Sydney Bristow's mommy, has signed on to come back to Alias! She'll be back by the end of the season, and hopefully for the entire 5th season. Although it's slowly getting more exciting and more character and plot-driven, this season could still use a shot of adrenaline. Lena Olin is that shot.

Arrested Development Petition

I think either Jen or I posted this before, but please save the show.

American Idol is So Gay

Proof right here. This is really no surprise, is it? I really hope people don't start a big thang over this.

Tuesday, March 29

Sin City: The Experience

First, we'll begin with the star sightings...

Bruce Willis
Demi Moore
Ashton Kutcher
Demi & Bruce’s daughters
Elijah Wood
Jessica Alba
Quentin Tarantino
Robert Rodriguez
Clive Owen
Rosario Dawson
Topher Grace
Michael Madsen
Michael Clarke Duncan
Alexis Bledel
Peter Dinklage
Jon Voight
Mickey Rourke
Brittany Murphy
Carla Gugino
Jaime King
Jason Lewis
Nick Stahl

I arrived at the Mann National in Westwood (near UCLA) where they have a lot of big movie premieres. The press was obviously there, and we bypassed the red carpet to get into the theater. It was pretty empty until the movie began.

The movie was awesome. I didn't totally love it (like Kill Bill), but I really liked it. A lot of the girls I was with thought it was violent, and they are right, but it is so stylized that I didn't find it offensive. The acting is really good for this type of movie, and Mickey Rourke is especially hilarious and actually touching. Same with the Bruce Willis storyline.

The most interesting aspect of the movie is the way it's filmed. The action happens very quickly. The colors are so vivid since most of the movie is filmed in black and white.

It's worth seeing if this is your type of movie.

After the movie, we walked out of the theater and ran into Demi and Ashton. Damn, they are a good looking couple - and very cute together. She looks hot, too. (And didn't look pregnant.) You can check out to see pictures. The list above only includes people I saw and recognized. There are more celebs that were there that you can see on this website.

The party was fun. Red Bull must have been a sponsor. I enjoyed three red bull vodkas. The food was strange (I don't think lobster is the best dish to have when you are walking around a party). But it is always fun hob-nobbing with the stars.

Tennis Anyone?

March 29, 2005 -- ABC Family has netted tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams for a new reality TV show. The show has no title, day or time yet, but is scheduled to premiere in July, the Disney-owned cable channel announced yesterday. Nor are there any episodes. Production is just starting on the first six installments of the planned half-hour series, ABC Family said.

Like other reality shows built around celebrities, ABC Family's new series will follow the tennis-playing sibs "as they find their place in the world outside of tennis," the cable channel said. "You'll see them interacting with their family and friends, find out what they do for fun, and also see them at their best on the court."

No!!!! Make Her Go Away!!!!

HEY Hollywood execs, fallen " American Idol " wannabe Mikalah Gordon wants a sitcom deal. "I realize that I'm a big drama queen, and I think that I'm gonna try to get my own sitcom, and I know that 'The Nanny' [Fran Drescher] is coming out with her new sitcom, and if she needs a daughter, I'm her girl," Gordon told the popular TV news Web site, Zap2it.

Drescher's new show, " Living with Fran ," debuts on The WB network next month.

During Gordon's brief but memorable run on "Idol" the 17-year-old Las Vegas girl was ripped by fans who wrote on numerous Internet message boards that she would do better in a Drescher impersonation contest than on the Fox talent show.

"I realized that I love to be on the stage and perform and talk, and I love to make people laugh," says Gordon, who claims that she's already received some offers.

Anything For Publicity

From NY Post:

March 29, 2005 --
Catholic-turned-Kabbalah-kook Madonna has a bad habit of displaying poor taste, and now her boy-toy director hubby has stirred up more controversy - by dressing as the pope while John Paul II is seriously ailing. The bizarre pair donned what critics blasted as outrageously offensive costumes for a fete celebrating the Jewish holiday of Purim at the Kabbalah Center in London.

The gap-toothed, 46-year-old mom of two went as a nun, while her wide-eyed, 36-year-old husband, Guy Ritchie, strutted through the doors as the pope. But it was Ritchie's gold-trimmed white garb and matching skullcap that drew the most ire of Catholic leaders, who were incensed over his timing, considering that Pope John Paul II's worldwide flock is in grief over his poor health.

Madonna's rep, Liz Rosenberg, scoffed at critics. "That's completely ridiculous," she said of the hoopla. "They went to a costume party. There wasn't disrespect intended at all. That's just somebody looking for a problem when there isn't one."

Exclusive photos of the pair at the gig will be featured in People magazine out Friday.

Purim is the Jewish religion's most festive holiday, when it is customary to wear costumes — although the costumes generally involve characters from the historical Purim story, not popes and nuns.

Anything For Publicity

From NY Post:

March 29, 2005 --
Catholic-turned-Kabbalah-kook Madonna has a bad habit of displaying poor taste, and now her boy-toy director hubby has stirred up more controversy - by dressing as the pope while John Paul II is seriously ailing. The bizarre pair donned what critics blasted as outrageously offensive costumes for a fete celebrating the Jewish holiday of Purim at the Kabbalah Center in London.

The gap-toothed, 46-year-old mom of two went as a nun, while her wide-eyed, 36-year-old husband, Guy Ritchie, strutted through the doors as the pope. But it was Ritchie's gold-trimmed white garb and matching skullcap that drew the most ire of Catholic leaders, who were incensed over his timing, considering that Pope John Paul II's worldwide flock is in grief over his poor health.

Madonna's rep, Liz Rosenberg, scoffed at critics. "That's completely ridiculous," she said of the hoopla. "They went to a costume party. There wasn't disrespect intended at all. That's just somebody looking for a problem when there isn't one."

Exclusive photos of the pair at the gig will be featured in People magazine out Friday.

Purim is the Jewish religion's most festive holiday, when it is customary to wear costumes — although the costumes generally involve characters from the historical Purim story, not popes and nuns.

Monday, March 28

Daily MJ Fix

Why Zach and Summer didn't work out on The O.C.

Because Zach (aka Michael Cassidy) was in a short gay film called Dare.

Saturday, March 26

Friday, March 25


They've confirmed they're working on their next album! YES!

Michael Jackson, Meet Celine

Donald Trump had expressed interest in bringing MJ to Las Vegas to perform on a nightly basis, kinda like Celine. Now he is reconsidering his interest in doing this, afraid MJ may not show up half the nights. And really, no one wants to see him perform in pajama pants.

So sad

From imdb:

"Pop queen Madonna has dashed the dreams of Desperate Housewives fans hoping she would make a cameo appearance - she is actually totally unaware of the hit show's existence. Rumors that the Material Girl was keen to appear in the series have been proved false, and it seems the British-based icon is too preoccupied with her devotion to Kabbalah to watch TV. Her spokesperson tells website The Scoop, 'I can guarantee you that she's not even familiar with the show.'"

Madonna, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE?! You don't even know about Desperate Housewives?

Happy Easter!

A headline from AP:

"Easter Bunny Gets Pummeled by Boy at Mall"

It doesn't get better than that!

Lost News (long!)

Bigger, Badder, Lost-er! We've Supersized This Week for Your Favorite Castaways!
by Kristin Veitch | Mar. 25, 2005

Yes, the Paley Television Festival's Lost panel was that good. And lest you think I was the only one who went ape-dung over it, you should know that hundreds of fans lined up at 6 a.m. to get good seats, bought costly tickets on eBay and flew in from mysterious, faraway places like New Jersey. I so wish every one of you Lost die-hards could've been there. Instead, in honor of the show's triumphant return (new episodes begin this Wed., Mar. 30!), I've supersized the column this week to bring you scoop on what went down inside the theater and one-on-one conversations with the castmembers in attendance, complete with video clips. I am nothing if not a giver.

Up first, the juicy-fun tidbits you need to know from the panel session:

1. The Moderator Didn't Know Anyone's Name: I nearly leaped out of my seat to take over when he introduced "Dominique" Monaghan. Unless there's something Dom isn't telling us...

2. Get Ready for the C-Word: "The season finale is something that I love so much my jaw dropped," said executive producer JJ Abrams. "I love cliffhanger endings." Of course, upon hearing the dreaded c-word, the audience let out a massive groan, so JJ added playfully, "And yet, I like this idea." Right. Not buying it.

3. Dominic Was Supposed to Be Sawyer: According to executive producer Bryan Burk, the role of Charlie originally was supposed to be played by an older actor, "someone who had been on Alias." Then Dominic came in to read for Sawyer, and they realized he "wasn't mad enough to be Sawyer." To which Josh Holloway (Sawyer) scoffed, "Sawyer, puh-leeze."

4. Evangeline Lilly Was "Frumpled": Ian Somerhalder (Boone) was the first to be cast; Evangeline Lilly was the last. Bryan Burk said she looked "frumpled" in the audition, and they asked her to do it again with her hair pulled back. Sold. Meanwhile, Jorge Garcia (Hurley) and Ian were the only ones who tested for their roles. "After the audition," Jorge said, "I ran into Ian on the way out to the parking lot, and he was like, 'See you in Hawaii, bitch!' "

5. JJ Confirmed the Big Death: "By the end of the year," he said, "one main character does die. The truth of it is, it's a sad, painful thing to do. But I just saw the episode, and it's insanely well done."

6. Locke Down: By show of hands, the moderator polled the audience on whether we thought Locke was good or evil. Fifty-fifty. Then he asked the cast, "Who thinks Locke is good?" Only one castmember shot up his hand: Ian (Boone).

7. Could Michael Have an Alias? When asked what they would like to have happen, Harold Perrineau answered, "I hope you find out Michael works for SD-6."

Speaking of Harold, I unfortunately wasn't able to grab him for an interview before the session was started (sniff, sniff, I love him so). But I did get every other castmember in attendance: Dominic, Ian, Jorge, Josh, Naveen Andrews, Yunjun Kim, Daniel Dae Kim and Matthew Fox.

Enjoy being a fly on the red carpet!

Dominic Monaghan (Charlie)
Get your hands off Jorge Garcia.
Sorry, we had to hug. We haven't seen each other in, like, 24 hours, so we miss each other, you know. We were on different planes, which is stressful for me, to be away from him for a long amount of time.

You'd think being together on a plane would be stressful.
Right. We know that can be bad.

Are screaming fans like this old hat to you?
Well, we did have some of that for Lord of the Rings. It's always good connecting with the people who pay your wages, because then I can make sense of my job a little more.

So, what's up with you and Claire?
I don't know if it will fully blossom. I keep asking the writers, and they're like, "You know, right now we got something really good going on. It's a very sweet, kind, nurturing kind of friendship. If you guys start making out behind palm trees, it might get a little dirty."

I'm all for that. I want the palm trees rockin'.
Really? Dirty Charlie? Dirty Claire? I think Charlie could be dirty, but not Claire. I'm leaving that more to Shannon and Sayid. You know, kind of that older man corrupting that young woman. It's like Salman Rushdie and Paris Hilton.
That's hot.

Ian Somerhalder (Boone)
I think these fans like you.
Yeah, I heard people were here at 6 a.m. That's insane. It's been one of the most endearing and enticing parts of this, that people really like this show. Someone coming up to you, and just saying, 'Hey, I really like your work,' and taking off. That's really cool.

Maybe they aren't killing off a human
So, are we going to see another Boone-centric episode?
Boone-centric? Yeah, I think we will. Which is great, because anytime it's Boone-centric, it's Locke-centric, and that's the coolest thing.

You guys are sort of like Batman and Robin now.
[Cringes.] I can't believe you just said that! But yeah.

Sorry, bad analogy.
You know what, if Terry O'Quinn is Batman, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I will so be Robin, because that man is--I just have an insane amount of respect for him. Listen, here's the thing: You wake up at four in the morning. It's dark. You walk outside. You're in Hawaii. You're having a cup of coffee reading over your material, and then you realize you get to spend that day in the jungle with Terry O'Quinn, for the next eight days. It doesn't get better than that.

Yeah, that just made me hate you a little.
You and 19 million other women.

Daniel Dae Kim (Jin)
You know, my wife gets more news on our show from you than she does from me. She reads your stuff every week. And now that a castmember's being killed off, she's on there every day to make sure it's not me. [Laughs.]

Really? How sweet. So, tell me so I can tell her.
I wish I could! We do know who's getting killed, and you know, we're all trying to move on and make the best show we can, and if that means some of us have to leave, it's sad, but I think it might be best for the show. The thing is, we all wanna be on this show! All of us started this project together, so there's a special chemistry, and when one of us leaves, it changes it a little bit.

Your hair's a bit longer. Is this for the show?
It is! You know, time has passed, and I think it's kind of a character note also. Jin might be letting his hair down a little bit.

Does this mean you might take back Sun? I'm sort of rooting for you now.
You are? It's really interesting. Half the time I get that, and then half the time people say they think she should leave my sorry butt. I think the backstory episode did a lot to illuminate what was going on behind his character and his history, and I was waiting for that myself, so I'm glad that it resonated with people.

Yunjun Kim (Sun)
Here's what I want to know. This guy next to you right here, your husband...
This meanie? [Pokes Daniel Dae Kim's shoulder.]

The Lost woman talks "giving it for the girls"
Any hope?
I don't know--can you get a divorce on this island? That's what I would like to know! I don't know if we're gonna break up or--how can you break up on an island? I don't know what's going to happen with Sun and Michael or Jin and Sun, but all I can say is that I'm happy that I'm in between these really great actors who happen to be very, very good looking as well, so, I'm flattered. But, like I said, I don't know what's going to happen.

Sure you don't. Wink, wink.
No, trust me! We don't know any of the secrets. I wish we did. When I get the scripts, if I'm, say, grocery shopping, I'll get the call that it's at my house, and I drop what I'm doing and go immediately home to read it. I'm dying, as well, to find out.

When you find out, will you tell me?
Of course. You know I have you on speed dial.

Jorge Garcia (Hurley)
Can I borrow a million dollars?
[Laughs.] Of course!

That was an amazing episode. Do you think those numbers are really cursed?
It's so funny, 'cause when we were shooting that episode, a lot went wrong, like the Hummer they were mounting the cameras on, they cracked the windshield, so it took all this time to get a new windshield, and it was the wrong size. Then they got another windshield. We cracked the other windshield. There were little things that would happen that we'd be like, "It's the numbers, it's the numbers!" And now friends or people on the Internet will tell stories about when they were watching the episode, bad stuff happened or happened in that week, and everyone's blaming the numbers.

You know some fool is gonna play the lottery with those numbers, right?
Yeah, I think people already did. I was like, "What are you doin'?! Are you crazy? You opened the box!"

Why were you on TV in Korea?
I think that's how much money I won. I won so much money it even made Korean news. I think there's a little subtitle on it that said, like, big winner in Korean.

Is there gonna be another Hurley-centric episode?
There has to be, because you saw the psychiatric place that apparently he used to be in. That sets up that we have more to learn from him. Also, in my episode, there are a lot of people calling me Hugo, and now everyone's calling me Hurley, so he's got a whole 'nother chunk of his life we haven't even really delved into.

Naveen Andrews (Sayid)
I just read a story about you in Entertainment Weekly. You've had a crazy life.
I have lived. I can't really apologize for that. I do have a past. Thankfully, it's in the past. You know, you've got to move on, and I'm just very lucky to be alive.

"I feel grateful that anybody's interested"
And lucky you, you got the hot babe.
Well, I think Maggie Grace, as a person and as an actress, has a lot of soul. And that probably wasn't brought through early on, or she didn't have a chance to bring it through. And I think the relationship between Shannon and Sayid, which came from left field, came from nowhere; no one would have put those two together. I'm very glad it happened. It seems to have worked.

Will there be another Sayid-centric episode?
Yeah. We just finished shooting it. So, there will be another one. Everyone gets a crack of the whip, like the Jorge one that just came out I thought was f--king brilliant. It was just great. And beautifully written, too. Sometimes the show actually surprises me. I watch it, and I think I'm actually proud to be on it sometimes.

Josh Holloway (Sawyer)
You naughty boy. You stole Jack's girl.
Yeah, I did. And it's wonderful! I'm not apologizing.

So, you're digging it?
Of course. I love the way the story has developed, and, you know, our relationship off-set, as actors, Evie and I. I love the fact that we're becoming more playful and less combative all the time, her with her arms crossed, and me always being mad and saying something snide. You know, there's a development in that relationship coming up that's actually really beautiful.

So, there'll be more Kate and Sawyer?
I hope so! I haven't got her yet. Come on!

You could at least tell Jack about your run-in with his father.
Are you kidding me? I hold the ultimate trump card. I think he'll string him along with it. Dangle the carrot.

Is that boar still haunting you?
I hope not! Damn boar! You know, that was a real boar, and he was so massive. But thank god, he didn't run me over. He had a thought. I saw him do a little jitter, like, toward me, and then he stopped. I could just picture myself on When Animals Attack!

Are you scared your character will die?
Of course! It just hangs there. You know it's a possibility, so you better be on your best behavior and step up to the plate, you know? There are too many ways you can die on that island.

Matthew Fox (Jack)
I just scolded Josh for stealing your girl.
[Laughs.] Hey, he hasn't stolen her at all! Anybody who knows anything about anything will tell you that's an interim thing. Those two characters are sort of finding solace in their own problems.

On his special friends, the writers
You don't think Jack and Kate belong together?
Jack is a really--he has his own problems, and he's harder on himself than anyone would be, but he has a very relentless moral compass. And so, I think Kate and Sawyer both feel like they have a hard time living up to his demands of what is right and wrong and what should be happening. That's always going to get in the way of the Jack and Kate thing, until either Jack becomes a little more gray, or Kate becomes a little more solid in her decision-making.

Are you freaked out by the screaming fans?
No, it's great. We kind of work in a little bit of a bubble over in Hawaii. We're somewhat disconnected with all of this. So, for us to be here and be together and meet the fans and get some direct feedback from the audience, we're loving it. It really doesn't get any better than this.

No More Dreading Idol

From EW:

BETTER SEEN, NOT HEARD You can Drescher up, but you can't take her

I'll be the first to admit that Tuesday night's edition of American Idol was far from Nadia Turner's finest moment. But while the fauxhawk-sporting (--I prefer FroHawk--) singer's ''Time After Time'' was weak, did America just forget about her smokin' versions of ''Try a Little Tenderness'' and ''Power of Love''? How else to explain Nadia's presence in this week's bottom two?

I'm not alone in my disbelief, either. While almost no one on our message boards raved about Nadia's take on the Cyndi Lauper ballad, few predicted she'd come thisclose to elimination this early, and her biggest supporters, in fact, seemed undaunted going into the results show. ''Nadia is already a star,'' wrote Joe. ''She has great stage presence, and can sing any type of song they ask her to do.'' Perhaps that brand of confidence kept Nadia's fan base from voting for her vigorously — so let it be a lesson learned.

Then again, perhaps Nadia's surprising brush with elimination is simply a sign that this year's closely matched group of contestants (there's no woeful John Stevens or EJay Day to kick around, after all) cannot afford a single misstep. ''I think this year, the choices will be extremely hard,'' wrote Meg. ''Most of the remaining Idol contestants are reasonably talented and deserve to be recognized.''

Whether or not that group includes Anthony Fedorov (who rounded out the bottom three) depends on who you ask. Some readers adore his fresh-scrubbed approach, while others find him intolerable. One poster named Bearsmom had a little practical advice to help him score greater fan support: ''Anthony has a good voice, but he needs to ditch the glasses and do something funky with his hair.''

One thing pretty much all of you agreed on, though, was that this week it was time for brassy teenager Mikalah Gordon to stop making terrible noises into a microphone. For once, you got your wish. Mikalah's exit performance of ''Love Will Lead You Back'' didn't sound nearly as awful as her Tuesday-night version, but she's clearly out of her league against Jessica Sierra, Bo Bice, and yes, even Constantine Maroulis.

Speaking of Smeagol, a lot of you took offense with my criticism of his rendition of ''I Think I Love You,'' and after listening to him again on Wednesday — how lame was the whole recap show, anyway? — I still don't get why people like him. But that's the beauty of Idol: We all open our ears each week and hear completely different things. In this case, though, I'm happier to have snippy Simon in my corner than Constantine's loopy booster, Paula Abdul.

What did you think of the results show? Did Nadia and Anthony deserve to be in the bottom three? Who is your pick for the next departure? And should Paula start considering medication?

Thursday, March 24

Sin City

Oh yeah, I'm going to the actual premiere of this movie on Monday. It looks fucking awesome, and the celebrity quotient is pretty high. I'll let you know what I talk to Bruce Willis about at the after-party (hosted by Rolling Stone).

How stupid is the South?

IMAX isn't allowed to show a movie about Volcanos because it refers to evolution and that may offend people in the South. Hello South, welcome to 1492 where the world is flat.


How about not? I was wrong when I said it would sell a million in its first week. I hadn't realized it was already in stores. For three weeks. And has sold only 400,000 copies so far. "A source" says, "Jennifer is devastated by these numbers. It shows that her grip on the public's imagination is slipping and, let's face it, the album isn't that good. With the amount of flops she's had in her recent movies, she's pretty upset."

Maybe this is a clue to retire, J. Lo. Cher did it. Celine did it.



What to Watch

and not to watch:

Jonathan Silverman will play one of three adult siblings who rally to support their eccentric professor father in the new CBS comedy (still untitled).

Darren Ritchie has landed the male lead opposite Tiffani Thiessen in another untitled comedy pilot for CBS, which centers on a young New York couple adjusting to life as new parents. Who is Darren Ritchie?

Melinda McGraw has landed a lead role on ABC's "Neighbors," which revolves around dueling neighbors (Lenny Clarke, Brian Benben) who have to contend with one another when their wives (Ann Cusack, McGraw) and kids become friends. McGraw recently co-starred on CBS' short-lived "Center of the Universe" and has a multiepisode arc on ABC's "Desperate Housewives."

Geoff Pierson has joined NBC's "All In," which stars Janeane Garofalo as a single mother of three in Las Vegas who earns a living as a professional poker player. Pierson, who plays President John Keller on Fox's "24," will play the main character's father. Interesting. I can't see Janeane with kids.

Kurt Fuller has come aboard ABC's "Joint Custody." The comedy stars Nick D'Agosto as a recent college graduate who returns home and find his parents (Marilu Henner, Fuller) divorced.

Martin Mull, whose numerous TV credits include "The Ellen Show," "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch," "Fernwood 2Nite" and "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman," has been cast in NBC's "Thick and Thin," which centers on a former fat woman (Jessica Capshaw) who struggles with her new image. Who doesn't love Martin Mull? Why don't they mention "Roseanne?"

Jenna Elfman will have the lead role in CBS' comedy pilot "Everything I Know About Men."

John Leguizamo will play a sports agent in CBS' untitled Diamond-Weisman drama pilot about working parents juggling domestic responsibilities.

Sexiest Women

Can you guess who FHM picked as the sexiest woman? Hint: It ain't Britney. She didn't even make the top 100.

It's Angelina. After that, in order, Jennifer Garner, Paris Hilton (FHM readers like their skanks), Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Alyssa Milano (I forgot about her), Teri Hatcher, Pamela Anderson (this is so 1993), Scarlett Johansson and Lindsay Lohan.

Grape Crushing with Fox News

This is evil.

Painfully Funny

Medialife takes on The Office:

“The Office,” NBC’s new workplace satire debuting tonight at 9:30 before moving to Tuesdays, is almost as funny as the original British hit. At times it’s outright hysterical. It has a strong cast, a focused concept, and a staff of blissfully un-politically correct writers.

Whether people will actually watch “The Office” is another matter entirely. The show includes the long pauses and cringe-inducing awkwardness that we see in real life and on the British show but are not used to seeing on American comedies.

It lacks a laugh track, and there are as many dramatic moments as there are funny ones. Much of the humor is so subtle that you’ll miss it if you’re not paying close attention.

That’s in stark contrast to NBC's last British import , “Coupling.” That show’s humor was broad and clumsy, and Americans did not catch on.

“The Office” is certainly no “Coupling.” Its tone matches two smart, sophisticated comedies currently on the air, “Scrubs” and “Arrested Development.” Note that both happen to average way fewer viewers than “Coupling” did.

“The Office” uses a mock-documentary format that allows the audience to see the daily interactions at a Scranton, Pa., paper supply company as well as “Real World”-type confessionals.

Regional manager Michael Scott (“The Daily Show’s” Steve Carell) leads this crew. If you’ve ever worked in an office, you’ve met someone like Scott. He’s the guy who thinks he’s the life of the party. In reality, his workers cannot stand him. As he cluelessly tells a new temp in the first episode, “I’m a friend first, a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.”

The two most promising characters, receptionist Pam (Jenna Fischer) and sales rep Jim (John Krasinski), are locked in a flirtation that can’t go any further unless Pam dumps her doofy fiancĂ©. The two have realistic chemistry, and Fischer especially shines as the butt of many of Scott’s unwittingly cruel jokes.

Carell has the unenviable task of filling the role so memorably originated by Rick Gervais in the British version. He relays Scott’s desperate need to be liked while ignoring the clues that no one shares his fun-guy self-image. But Gervais seemed more at ease in the role; Carell vibrates as though he just drank 15 Red Bulls.

The pilot is nearly word-for-word the same as the British version. It’s in the second episode, which NBC’s team wrote, that the show finds a better voice. After Scott does an inappropriate rendition of a Chris Rock routine, corporate calls in a diversity trainer.

Scott boots the trainer in favor of his own diversity day activities. He begins by asking a Mexican employee, “Is there a term other than Mexican you’d prefer that isn’t as offensive?”

For the vast viewing audience that prefers their comedy spoon-fed to them, like “According to Jim,” that joke may not resonate. But for those who read Dilbert daily, it will be a riot.

Quality of show (on a scale of 10): 8
Lazy viewers won’t like this show. There’s a lot left to the audience to figure out, a welcome change from most sitcoms. Only “Arrested” and “Scrubs” have writing that's similarly edgy. During Scott’s diversity day seminar, an Indian woman says she has to leave to meet with a client. Scott surveys the room, seeing a black man and the Mexican, and replies very earnestly, “If you leave, we’ll only have two left.” The Scott character can grow grating after 20 minutes. It’s hard to watch him embarrass himself over and over without realizing it and make everyone around him uncomfortable.

Positioning (on a scale of 10): 4
The show moves to its regular Tuesday 9:30 p.m. slot next week, where it airs out of “Scrubs.” It’s the perfect companion show, but Tuesdays have been very tough for NBC since “American Idol” returned to Fox at 8 p.m. Fox’s “House” has ruled the timeslot since January. Even if “The Office” scores decent numbers in tonight’s debut, which it should, it could follow the path of another recent NBC flop that performed well in one Thursday appearance and landed with a thud in the same Tuesday timeslot, “Committed.”

Cachet, or the “Arrested Development” factor (on a scale of 10): 7
Gervais and fellow British “Office” executive producer Stephen Merchant also produce this version. They won a Golden Globe for the original, the first British show to ever take the TV comedy prize. Greg Daniels, a veteran comedy writer with several Emmys, is another executive producer. Carell isn’t a well-known name, but he did steal scenes in the recent films “Bruce Almighty” and “Anchorman.” Reviews have been mixed. Those who like it love it, but many fans of the original remain loyal to it and offended by the mere idea of a remake.

Overall (on a scale of 30): 19
Great show, not-so-great prospects. Smart, different comedies don’t have the same appeal to American audiences as smart, different dramas like “Lost.” Enjoy “The Office” while it lasts.

Wednesday, March 23

And I thought it was going to be a slow news week...

Whitney's back in rehab...

I'm shocked. Just shocked.

And I thought the Bush Twins were drunks...

"Chelsea Clinton had to be helped out of a top nightclub by her boyfriend after an evening on the town." A clubgoer said: "Chelsea couldn't even speak or stand. She nearly fell over and didn't know what was going on. She appeared to be drunk and her friends had to run to get a car for her. They had to pull her legs to get her inside."

That is from This Is London, and Washington Socialites has an article about Chelsea and all of her lushness with a few drunken photos for good measure.


In a new BusinessWeek poll. 39% of Americans would like to see Hillary Clinton be the first woman president, 26% Condi Rice, and 13% Angelina Jolie. Huh?

American Idol Review

I don't have time to review, and I'm not as funny as Jacob at Television Without Pity. I couldn't agree with him more. So here you go, kids:

Some idiot in the booth screwed up the phone numbers for three singers in the bottom-third during review, so instead of results Wednesday, we're getting rehashes of tonight, with "live elements," meaning Seacrest pantsing around, and the results show will be on Thursday. My O.C. night. I kind of hope that person is executed. To repeat: this shit doesn't matter because we're going to see it all again tomorrow. But it was pretty interesting. The theme was Billboard #1 Hits, which means the kids only had 930 songs to choose from. Harsh!

A-Fed sings "I Knew You Were Waiting For Me," because it's about having faith in Cheeseheart whatever whatever Capri Sun bullshit. I would have said, "Because if you put Aretha Franklin and George Michael in a blender and baked it at 350 to a golden bubbly, you'd have Ryan Seacrest." Then he sings horribly with cruddy hair, although he otherwise looks cute. Randy loves it because he wrote, performed and produced the song and actually there's no such thing as Aretha or George Michael, just the effect of Randy Jackson on the music of the twentieth century and beyond. Paula's CRAZY DRUNK the whole time and keeps tackling Simon and trying to climb him. Simon disses the faux sexiness of the dancing but mostly, he sounded horrible, and the only thing he's got tonight is being adorable, so why choose that to criticize?

Carrie "takes a risk" by singing the totally awesome song "Alone" by Heart. Her hair is insane. INSANE. She looks electrocuted. She doesn't sound that bad, of course, but dude, the hair is really distracting. She's at the seashore poking her face through a wooden standup of Olivia Newton-John at the end of Grease. Sideburns. Simon tells her she's going to win and also outsell all previous Idols. Even Carrie is dubious.

Scott really identifies with "Against All Odds." Whatever. I'll think about that tomorrow. He's wearing a velvet jacket and a-- no, there goes the hat. He's rocking back and forth all crazy as that beautiful voice comes out of him. He's also wearing last week's sun-- nope, there go the sunglasses. Pray it's almost over because he's not really rocking the layers. You know I love this song. Simon didn't think it was a fantastic vocal. It was, but not because he tried -- I don't think he's well tonight -- just because he's fantastic.

Bo Bice sings "Time In a Bottle." He looks scary in the darkness and his balladeer voice is nice but boring. There's a guitarist sitting onstage and the guy is getting as much camera time as Bo, who is kind of serenading him. There's a terrible "la-la-la" part in no key whatsoever, and Simon thinks he rocks, and then Paula kisses Simon's cheek and sniffs his armpit and slaps him, all in quick succession. I want to be on what she is on.

"Incomplete" was a #1 hit. By Sisqo. Who was in Dru Hill. That's like six things I didn't know. Nikko is dressed as...a burghermeister. He sounds thin but that control is there, and the Nikko Effect of sounding legit instead of originally sung by a miniature gay idiot. Hah! That's how he got back in! Simon calls it his best performance and then Paula literally climbs onto his face and I don't know who's more disgusted, him or me.

Vonzell sings "Best of My Love" by the Emotions, remembering listening to it on the radio with her Dad, how they'd dress up like cowboys. She dances out into the audience and is totally cute, and again, just put her in Destiny's Child. She deserves that money they're giving Michelle. Paula just kind of wanders around and Vonzell does a weird laugh into the camera that would be creepy if it were anybody else. Simon thinks it's the first time people will remember her, and Paula jumps his bones. Again.

Constantine sings "I Think I Love You" by the Partridge Family because, he says, "It's about time someone redid the song." Dude, you're on American Idol. This isn't for fucking posterity. He's wearing...oh, he looks like hell. He's also singing in this certain...this is hilarious. I know that much. But not in a way that makes me like him more. This is like...I'm without words. Holy hell. Randy's embarrassed for him and Paula doesn't know what the hell is going on, and Simon compares him to the experience of ordering "a guard dog for your home and getting delivered a poodle in a leather jacket." "That's astute," I say.

Nadia sings "Time After Time" and describes her personal preference as "arsy-fartsy," which is...DUDE! Forget Carrie. Nadia's got this totally bizarre mohawk happening. She looks like when Storm went through her Claremont shit and came back all punk and Kitty Pryde was all, "What are you, gay now?" and Storm was like, "Fucking chill." The arrangement is pretty cool, but this has nothing to do with Nadia at all. There's so much going on with the hair and the time signatures and the crazy shirt and the...Constantine...I've kind of misplaced her entirely. I'm sure it was nice but there was a lot going on? I agree with Simon that it was her weakest performance yet, and by a wide margin.

Mikalah sings Taylor Dayne's "Love Will Lead You Back." She looks incredibly beautiful and her totally weird affected voice is not so off-putting here; the song was a really good idea. Paula confuses Mikalah with the actual Taylor Dayne, and Simon calls her a complete and utter mess and then: some fake fighting and drunk Paula.

Anwar sings "Ain't Nobody" by Chaka Khan. Well, this'll be gay. He looks about as hot as he's ever looked, but also totally uncomfortable, and sounds crappy. He's yelly and weird and dances exactly like Pink because they're both dudes the exact same amount. The judges all praise his last note, and Simon pretty much punches Paula in the face, because she's being so irritating tonight, but I don't think she'll remember.

Then Jessica sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and it's awesome. That song is so rad. The hair and makeup look gorgeous, and that achy quality in her voice I like so much, which is what this song is about, really, is all over it. It's that country thing: take the country thing and sing non-country with it, and I will love you forever. Unless you sing Heart, I guess. The judges all freak out and tell her how awesome she is. Then, the tainted phone numbers.

Tomorrow: WE DO ALL THIS SHIT AGAIN only Ryan might not be wearing such a flattering t-shirt. Happy birthday to me.

P.T. Anderson

I wonder what he's up to. He directed three of my all-time favorite movies, Hard Eight, Boogie Nights and Magnolia, then directed the underappreciated Punch Drunk Love, and then completely disappeared. Is he still dating Fionna? Is he working on any movies?

Fionna's "Latest"

From E!:

Fiona Apple's latest CD, Extraordinary Machines, which has not yet been released, though it was reportedly delivered to Epic Records in 2003, becoming one of the most downloaded albums in the country, per the New York Daily News.

Does anyone know where to download it?

U2's Vertigo Tour

Here's a nugget of info for U2 fans, especially those planning to see the spring leg of the tour (sadly, I'm not included in that - I have to wait until November). Here's the setlist from a rehearsal that took place last Friday:

Stuck In a Moment (very loose rehearsal - no vox)
Elevation (full band - trying out sounds/arrangment)
Band stopped. I left.*

Unknown (loose jamming with Edge trying out sounds etc.) barely audible outside venue. I left once again.

One Step Closer
Electric Co. (full version 5-6mins)
An Cat Dubh (full version 5-6m)
Beautiful Day
Miracle Drug
Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own (with Scott Walker outro - like SNL)
Love and Peace or Else
Elevation (live 'woos') (band fooled around with intro)
Stuck in a Moment (Bono and Edge keys only)
Yahweh (very rough version Bono and Edge guitar only)
Where the Streets Have No Name
Running to Stand Still (full version - Edge piano, no harmonica)
Zoo Station (with weird voiceover intro)
Vertigo (w/ SFB verse and 4-5sec gaps before each chorus)(tonight was very fast and ragged, it must have been a long day)
All Because of You
Sunday, Bloody Sunday (full band - original key, stopped after 2 lines - several more attempts with changes)

Electric Co? Gloria? Running To Stand Still? ZOO STATION!? 40?! I can't believe I'm not going to this concert.

Welcome to the O.C. (for the third time), bitch!

It got renewed for a third season!!!

Sounds like Florida 2000

“American Idol” ran into some problems last night when the phone numbers to vote for contestants Anwar Robinson, Mikalah Gordon and Jessica Sierra were displayed incorrectly, and voters calling the numbers displayed would have inadvertently voted for Anthony Fedorov, Carrie Underwood or Scott Savol.

So tonight's episode will feature encore performances from Tuesday's show, and a results show will air Thursday after “The O.C.” at 9 p.m.

Any extra votes for Scott Savol is not a good thing, so I think Fox made the correct decision. But seriously, isn't this something they may have had worked out in the first season? They're just phone numbers, after all.

Not my thang, but...

American Dreams is probably being cancelled. I know there are lots of fans out there. It's generally a cute show, but like I said, not my thang.

Interview with the Boss

Here's a medialife interview with the executive producer of The Office, Greg Daniels:

How does “The Office” differ from the original?
The pilot episode is a remake of the British show's pilot, but after that we wrote five new scripts. The British show was more of a miniseries in that it wrapped up in 12 episodes and a Christmas special. As an American show, we are hoping to be on for several years, so instead of having the characters change over the first six episodes, we are more landing in a world and exploring it. Also, our cast are simply different people than the British cast, which is significant since our show is as much about watching the actors' faces to catch them lying to the camera or lying to themselves as it is about the lines.

What parts of the original did you preserve?
We tried to stay true to the spirit of the original, which is to have people cringe and recognize behaviors from their own experiences of office life. The American cast and American writers looked to their own lives to find those kinds of moments.

Is it hard to make a cult hit into something that would appeal to a wider taste?
The British show has amazingly high quality execution--writing, acting and directing. And it is funny, moving and truthful, which is why I love it so much. I felt going into this that I would worry about making our show as funny and moving and truthful and well-executed as I knew how and that was a better way of adapting it than having a particular strategy.

What types of changes did you have to make to suit the American audience? How involved were the original writers in the remake?
I went to England and met with them for a few days before rewriting the pilot. They made a visit here to meet the U.S. cast, and I have the pleasure of corresponding by email. They were always incredibly positive and supportive, but the main contribution they made to the adaptation was simply creating their brilliant original series, which I took as much inspiration from as I could. As authors say in book intros, the mistakes were all mine.

Another British remake, last year's “Coupling,” failed to translate well in the U.S. What makes you think “The Office” will be different?
I think "The Office" was a better show than "Coupling" in England, so our adaptation is starting from a better place.

Do you think “Coupling” would have caught on if it stayed around longer?
Maybe. I think most Americans didn't reject it because it was not true enough to the British show, however, but rather not great enough to replace "Friends."

How difficult is it to make the transition from one culture to another with comedy?
That depends on the comedy. [Executive producers and "Office" creators] Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant were very influenced by shows like “Simpsons” and “Seinfeld” and the movie “The Apartment,” as well as Laurel and Hardy. I think their style of comedy works great here.

Why did this succeed as a British sitcom? What did audiences like so much about it?
It started out very low-rated in England, but once the audience learned how to enjoy it, they loved it. The reasons I think are the incredibly high quality of the writing, acting and directing, and the originality of the mockumentary concept, which imbued a comedy show with the energy and unpredictability of a reality show. And, of course, the fabulous comedy. And the truly emotional romance. Oh, and the observations on everyday life.

Critics seem unsure so far if mainstream America will like the pauses and general awkwardness that the original and the remake both had, which many would argue are part of its charm. What's your reaction to that?
A lot of people probably won't like those awkward pauses at first because they are so different from most TV. I love that kind of stuff myself, and I think real life is full of it, so I'm hoping they'll get the hang of how to watch it soon enough.

Have any of the original's stars seen the new version? What did they think?
Ricky and Stephen have both seen it and are very positive. Ricky thinks Steve Carell gave one of the best comedic performances he has ever seen, and Stephen Merchant has been equally supportive.

How will the remake differ from the original plot-wise going forward?
All new plots after the pilot.

The original British “Coupling” was sort of a takeoff on the American “Friends.” How long until we see the British version of the American version of “The Office?”
My brain just exploded.

Flock of Seagulls Sighting!!!!

A wayward and little-known member of the 80s group, Flock of Seagulls, was spotted on American Idol last night. Apparently the member now goes by the name Nadia and her hair is now styled in a FroHawk. She looks good but still doesn't sound all that great.

Set Your Tivo, Kids!

Don't miss "Chasing Farrah," the Farrah Fawcett reality show debuting tonight on TV Land.

More Vomit

PAT O'Brien, the host of "The Insider" who entered rehab on Sunday, has more to worry about than sexually explicit voice-mail messages. There's a photograph, too. An impeccable Left Coast source says that O'Brien's girlfriend, "Betsy," has an ex-husband who is in possession of a "compromising photograph" of the mustachioed broadcaster pleasuring himself.

---expect to see this puppy all over the tabloids

Vomit Worthy

It keeps getting messier for "The Insider" host Pat O'Brien. The celeb chronicler checked into rehab Sunday, just as an embarrassing string of dirty voice-mail messages, which expressed a taste for hookers, cocaine and adventurous (if possibly unhygienic) sex, became public. His reps do not deny that O'Brien made the calls. Now sources say O'Brien was reprimanded several times for sexual harassment during his time as co-host of rival show "Access Hollywood."

A witness says O'Brien actually licked co-host Nancy O'Dell's face at an "Access Hollywood" Christmas party. At the same event, he was seen groping reporter Shaun Robinson's behind. A gay male producer told our source O'Brien once said to him, "I have a gift for you." When asked what, O'Brien allegedly answered, "Bend over." On another occasion, he allegedly stretched out on the producer's sofa and asked, "What would you do if I masturbated in front of you?" He also allegedly offended two African-American employees when he walked into a makeup room and greeted them with, "What's up, my n——s!" Could it be O'Brien feels that he's down with the bruthas because he once appeared in a P. Diddy video? O'Brien's lawyer, Abel Lezcano, said: "As far as being able to verify or deny this stuff, I can't do it."

"NBC does not comment on personnel issues regarding our current or former employees," said a spokeswoman for NBC Universal, which produces "Access Hollywood." "NBC has a strong policy against harassment in the workplace, and takes corrective action when appropriate." A rep for "The Insider" declined comment.

Tuesday, March 22


Sadly, it will probably sell 1 million copies in the first week. Here's The Onion's take:

Jennifer Lopez has a singing voice like a helium balloon made out of cotton candy. Then again, having a strong, distinctive, or even adequate voice has never been a prerequisite for the kind of heavily processed, aggressively produced bubble-gum R&B and pop that J to tha L-O specializes in. Besides, singing represents only a fraction of the skill-set necessary for Lopez's synergistic brand of pop divadom: Modeling, acting out the bland sentiments of hacky songsmiths, and especially dancing appear to be equally important gifts. Besides, Lopez's songs serve as little more than glossy blueprints for videos showcasing the sex appeal, fashion savvy, and mad dancing prowess that made Lopez the flyest of all Fly Girls back in the day.

Lopez's exceptionally thin voice hasn't stopped her from cranking out a steady stream of pop hits, which continues with "Get Right," the maddeningly catchy first single from her new Rebirth. More than any of her other smashes, the song illustrates just how irrelevant Lopez's crooning is to her chart success: Producers Rich Harrison and Cory Rooney could easily slip Lopez's whisper of a vocal out of the mix, leaving just funky drumming and furious, staccato horn bursts. Lopez scored co-writing credits on only two of the album's 12 tracks, including the inevitable remix of "Get Right" with Fabolous. That's surprising, given the avalanche of clichĂ©s and unconvincing hip-hop 'tude that constitute the album's lyrical content (faithfully recreated in the album booklet, along with numerous glamour shots of Lopez). Still, though Lopez often comes off as little more than a featherweight studio concoction, Rebirth contains a few moments with the sugary snap of fresh Bubble Yum. "Cherry Pie," for example, while sadly not a Warrant cover, sounds like the kind of salacious, infectious trifle that Prince might have written for Vanity 6 or Sheila E. in the '80s. Rebirth's first half packs a certain fizzy effervescence, but the album sags as it approaches the finishing line, and it does little to refute the notion that Lopez's most magical musical moments can be found, free of charge, playing incessantly on Top 40 radio. —Nathan Rabin

Post Secret

The strangest website I've seen in a while....

Pilot Season

USA Today comes up with what they call "trends." I would probably call it "the history of the sitcom."

Other comedy trends:

•Familiar faces. TV often depends on well-known names to launch shows, although stars are no guarantee of success. This year, the comedy-star quotient seems even larger and includes Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Heather Graham, Freddie Prinze Jr., Geena Davis, Donald Sutherland, Melissa Joan Hart, Kristen Johnston and Brooke Shields.

•Drama crossovers. Serious actors are crossing over. James van der Beek (Dawson's Creek), Kyle Chandler (Early Edition), Kevin Sorbo (Hercules), Julie Bowen (Ed) and Alicia Silverstone (Miss/Match) lead sitcom pilots.

•Singles are everywhere. Call it the anti-Raymond. Many pilots abandon nuclear families in favor of blended clans, single moms, singles looking for love and single co-workers. It also reflects a greater interest in workplace series, which have been scarce in recent seasons.

First off, since when are James van der Beek and Kevin Sorbo "serious actors?"

Second, almost every sitcom ever was based on someone that is at least relatively well-known. Give me a break. This is not something new in 2005.

Oh yeah, watch The Office. You'll pee yourself. Promise.


"N.E.R.D. is dead. I don't agree with the management at Virgin Records so we're done." - Pharrel Williams to BBC.

Pharrrell Williams, Chad Hugo and Shay, who have produced songs for Jay-Z, Nelly, No Doubt and Kelis, will continue to produce together.

They aren't my favorite band by any means, but they are fun and genre-breaking.

The Office

Please please please don't forget to watch The Office on NBC Thursday at 9:30pm. It was my favorite comedy pilot I watched for this year (actually, make that the ONLY watchable comedy pilot from this year). It may also turn out to be one of my favorite shows. It is so hilarious - it rivals Arrested Development and is at least on par with Scrubs. And it is filmed the same way (beware: there is no studio audience to tell you when to laugh).

Watch this show.

Top 10 TV Show Theme Songs

TV show theme songs can be fun, silly, infectious, and just as good as any "real" song. And that's what inspired Robert Berry of RetroCrush to rank the top 100 TV show theme songs, the results of which will no doubt be debated by television aficionados.

The effort took months to prepare as RetroCrush staff members considered the value of each song and took into account reader feedback.

Here are the top 10 TV theme show songs and why they were chosen:

1. "Sanford and Son"
This immortal theme from Quincy Jones has no lyrics, and if it weren't a TV theme song, it would still be one of the better funky jazz songs ever written.

2. "The Brady Bunch" and "Gilligan's Island" (tie)
These two theme songs are "like Siamese Twins in the respect that it's nearly impossible to consider one as great, without giving equal attention to the other," says Berry. Both have catchy tunes that are still popular after 40 years. Besides, both set up the show's premise so you don't have to see the first episode to understand what's going on.

3. "Batman"
Berry calls this "the most effectively simple theme song ever recorded." It features an action-packed musical intro that perfectly accompanies the motions of Batman and Robin running toward the screen, all of which is punctuated by the single-word chorus "Batman!" Even kids who have never seen the show know the song.

4. "The Jeffersons"
Calling it inspirational and funny, Berry says "Movin' On Up" does everything a good TV theme should. It features rousing lyrics and music and perfectly sets the theme for the story of George Jefferson's rise to success with a "deluxe apartment in the sky!"

5. "Mission: Impossible"
"The theme to 'Mission: Impossible' is so well known and widely used that it's gone beyond being a classic TV theme and has become almost a reflexive choice of music to use whenever someone's sneaking around, or doing 'spy-stuff,'" says Berry.

6. "Star Trek"
This brilliant theme song features inspiring instrumentals and eerie vocals, punctuated by William Shatner's intense narration. "It's a thing of beauty," concludes Berry.

7. "Twin Peaks"
This theme song with the haunting melody by Angelo Badalamenti is dreamy, eerie, disturbing, and sad. Says Berry about the cult show's musical soundtrack, "There's an otherworldly quality to the score that makes your hair stand on end."

8. "Spongebob Squarepants"
This is an instant and timeless classic with everything a good theme song needs: a catchy set of lyrics, accordion music, a singing pirate, and a nose flute.

9. "Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids"
This is a happy song with a funky greatness that no other cartoon theme has ever achieved, says Berry.

10. "All in the Family"
This is easily the worst sounding best TV theme of them all, but Berry insists that is part of the charm. "To have the characters of the show, just sitting down at the piano and singing the theme song worked wonderfully for this show," he says. "It's not a slick performance, but it's one of the most charming TV themes ever recorded."

An Observation....

This has to be the only country on earth that gives a shit if someone is early or late to court. That being said, did ya notice he was early today???? I'm sure it will top the news as the media couldn't possibly be bothered with covering the school shooting that took place yesterday in Minnesota.

Watch With Kristin

She has a few juicee tidbits in her chat from last night:

From specter313: Any new info on the Lena Olin-Alias front?
Kristin: Nothing official yet, but the offer is out there, and it looks like it actually might happen. Keep all your digits crossed.

From berly33: I heard a rumor that the girls of Sex and the City are in talks to do the movie again. Is that true?
Kristin: Yes, I've heard Kim Cattrall is reconsidering. I think she needs to dirty her palate after Ice Princess.

From steven: You said Melissa George was coming back to Alias. She said she wasn't. What's with that?
Kristin: I heard she's frozen for a reason...

From reddygirl: Alias!
Kristin: More mama drama: Isabella Rossellini is back as Katya Derevko and soon gives Syd some heartbreaking info about Irina's death. And we don't have to wait too long for Vaughn to find out about his father's secrets. It comes to the surface within a few weeks.

From prettyboy: Those scenes with Jen and Michael on Alias are just unwatchable. Does their chemistry improve?
Kristin: I hear it wasn't exactly a picnic to begin with, but in upcoming episodes, we see more of them together, and that's indicative of the tension clearing. Syd teams up with him to get to finally figure out what the deal is with his dad. And she puts everything on the line to help him.

Oh, this explains it

From E!:

"JACKSON WATCH: Michael Jackson briefly excusing himself from his child-molestation trial Monday after he reportedly burst into tears and appeared ready to vomit as he arrived in court with what his rep described as severe back pain. Testimony resumed after an hour delay."


The second day I've been interested...

"Troubled pop superstar Michael Jackson has arrived late at court for the second time in two weeks. The singer, who is on trial for child molestation, arrived at the Santa Barbara, California courthouse one minute past the 8:30am start time, on crutches and assisted by aides - but he didn't make it into the dock for a further 45 minutes."

What the F was he doing for 45 minutes that he couldn't get into the courthouse???

Spidey's New Villain

Thomas Hayden Church, who was nominated for an Oscar for Sideways. Cool!

Life on a Stick Review

From Medialife:

'Life on a Stick,'
dumb, dumb, dumb

Meatheads at the mall doing meathead things

By Toni Fitzgerald

The new Fox show “Life on a Stick” raises the question, how dumb does a show have to be before the “American Idol” lead-in effect wears off? We'll soon learn the answer.

“Stick” is pretty dumb. Even if the show, premiering tomorrow night at 9:30 p.m. after “Idol,” had brilliant acting, perfect execution and a zinger a minute, which it does not, it would be impossible to get past the ridiculous title. It may be the first TV program title in history to reference a corn dog.

But the second problem is that “Stick” can’t decide if it’s a workplace satire or a wacky family comedy, and thus it does not succeed at either.

Eighteen-year-old loser Laz (Zachary Knighton) lives with dad Rick (Matthew Glave) and impossibly hot stepmom Michelle (Amy Yasbeck, John Ritter’s widow). He’s just gotten fired from his job at Yippee Hot Dogs after talking back to his boss, and he’s worried his parents will kick him out.

Rick and Michelle agree to let Laz stay on one condition: He take his angry stepsister, Molly (a believably cranky Saige Thompson), under his wing. Why these two believe a guy who can’t even keep a job at a hot-dog stand would be a good influence is never quite explained.

Laz and best friend Fred (Charlie Finn), a fellow Yippee employee, return to the mall to incite an employee rebellion. Instead they deep-fry everything in the boss’s office.

Just imagine, some poor set designer had to spend hours figuring out how to bread a picture frame. Perhaps the time would have been better spent brainstorming some funny jokes.

A typical line: “I’d deep fry the organ I hold most dear to please her,” Laz says about co-worker and future girlfriend Lily (Rachel Lefevre). “Thankfully, though, I don’t see how it would.”

Though there’s certainly ripe material for comedy at any fast food place, “Stick’s” creativity peaks with jokes about the uniforms and the sad life of a French fry. The boss character is too one-dimensional to be funny.

The second episode has a much funnier premise. After getting his job back in episode one, Laz convinces Lily and Fred to defect to one of those spookily small pretzel booths that seem to float in the middle of every mall. Unfortunately the kids are back in hot dog hell by the end of the show.

As for Laz’s home life, it’s more creepy than funny. Rick and Michelle are like a demento, nymphomaniac version of Mike and Carol Brady. They can’t quite get their blended family to work, but they can get it on in the garage when they think no one’s paying attention. Yuck.

Quality of show (on a scale of 10): 4
Every seventh joke or so is funny, but that has the unfortunate effect of highlighting just how lame the other jokes are. “Stick” suffers from “Saturday Night Live” disease, wherein a joke is carried out for way too long, until it ceases to be funny and becomes painful. The acting is passable, but no one really stands out besides Thompson, who has the best character to play.

Positioning (on a scale of 10): 8
A blank screen airing for 30 minutes after “Idol” would average 10 million viewers. Surely “Stick” can do better than that.

Cachet, or the “Arrested Development” factor (on a scale of 10): 3
Executive producer and writer Victor Fresco created “Andy Richter Controls the Universe.” Though that show was beloved by critics, it was similarly uneven, with big laughs balanced by awkward gags. Yasbeck is the only cast member with even mild name recognition, sadly because of Ritter’s death. Reviewers have enjoyed only one thing about the show, coming up with original ways to diss the title.

Overall (on a scale of 30): 15
With “Idol” as a lead-in, it will score a big premiere audience. But the moment it moves to another night, this aimless show will tank. Fox has far more deserving shows that could better benefit from “Idol’s” bulk.

Baywatch: The Movie

To be directed by Steven Spielberg, of course. Honestly, that's what I just heard.

He Can Cook For Me Anytime!

MATTHEW McConaughey ended his "Barbecue Across America" redneck tour at the posh Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills on Sunday. The buff star, who has driven an airstream trailer and barbecued in RV parks in 12 states to promote his movie "Sahara," parked the vehicle in front of the hotel and started to grill steaks for the cast and some press members. "He was on a junket and said, 'I've done it everywhere else in America. Why not here?' " said our insider. Some lucky fans got meat as well as hats and T-shirts.

Hold The Phone!!!!

I just *knew* there was more to this story!!!!

'Insider' host Pat O'Brien entered rehab as a voice on a booty-call tape was said to be his.
What's the inside story on "Insider" host Pat O'Brien's decision to enter rehab Sunday?

Hollywood sources suggest the timing was to defuse the release of several sexually explicit voice-mail messages, available on the Internet yesterday, soliciting sex froman unidentified woman. "Let's just [bleeping] have sex and fun and drugs and go crazy," says a male voice. Yesterday reps for "The Insider" would not comment on widespread attribution of the voice to O'Brien. The tape describes in graphic detail just how "badly" the caller wants various activities that involve, gosh, all parts of the woman's body. "I'm so into you, Betsy is so f——ing jealous," the voice claims in one message. "I know you want me, but you have to be with Betsy, too."

Sadly, by the final message, Betsy seems to have pulled out of the threesome. Says the caller: "Get another woman up, hire a hooker, let's get crazy, get some coke and if you get this message, if you agree with this, just look at me and say yes."

He's Officially Whipped

But we already knew that, didn't we?

Mr. Star exits day job. Al Reynolds is out at Merrill Lynch. On Friday, the banker husband of Star Jones parted ways with the company, where he served as a financial adviser for six years. He spent the weekend enjoying the beach in Miami with Star and family friends.

Monday, March 21

Project Runway Update

March 21, 2005 -- 'PROJECT Runway," Bravo's runaway hit reality show, will strut again next season.

Network execs are breathing a sigh of relief because the future of the show was in question, thanks to the unraveling relationship between Bob and Harvey Weinstein, the heads of Miramax, the studio behind the series, and parent company Disney.

While the ownership of "Runway" is still in question - the series could be back as early as early as next fall. Production on the new season will begin right away, Zalaznick says.

"This is such a casting-dependent, creative show that until we see what we have, it doesn't make sense to put a peg on the date board [as to when it will debut]," she says.

Sunday, March 20

Congratulations to Champ!

I know no one cares about this but me, but I just had to share.

My cat, Champ, celebrates 4 years of being diabetic today. Yep. A diabetic cat. Over 2,900 injections and countless pounds of low-carb food later, he's still with us and doing very well, thank you.

For those unfamiliar with feline diabetes, please visit or where you can learn all about it.

Hugs to my special boy!

Bye-Bye Boobies

BID adieu to Mariah Carey's overexposed cleavage. The sexy songbird is trying out a whole new look in preparation for the release of her album "The Emancipation of Mimi" next month. After almost 10 years of deep cleave, Carey has allowed a new stylist to cover her up and dress her in a more adult manner.

--aah yes, perhaps this strategic move will allow her to sell more records.....

Death Row Watch

From NY Post:
Scott Peterson, get ready to pay. "As for killing his wife, that's his business — but for killing that child, well, he gots to suffer for that." So says a fellow death-row inmate at Peterson's new home — California's San Quentin State Prison — who in an exclusive letter to The Post conveyed words of warning for his new neighbor. If and when Peterson is not in protective custody, says convicted killer Ricardo "Richie" Roldan, "he'll be a paycheck canteen punk to some crew."

That means the boyish fertilizer salesman will have to cough up protection payments to inmate heavies in the form of items purchased from the prison canteen. Each prisoner is allowed to buy goods through accounts filled up by family members, prison officials say.

Peterson, 32, arrived at San Quentin early Thursday morning following his sentencing in a Modesto, Calif., court. He will now undergo a 30-day assessment away from other prisoners. If he is considered a threat, he will be dubbed a "Level B" prisoner. If he is dubbed a "Level A," as expected, he will likely be placed in East Block, one of three death-row facilities at San Quentin that houses 450 of the 628 condemned men. Cells are 5 feet by 9 feet, and inmates can only leave to go to the yard for five or six hours a day.

California Department of Corrections spokeswoman Terry Thornton conceded inmates do gouge each other for goodies bought from prison vendors — and Peterson's high profile could make him an easy target. "It's possible that inmates could extort items out of another inmate," she said. "The risk is there, but prison administrators will take every precaution to keep him safe, as they do with every inmate."

Thornton said the notion that inmates who hurt children are at the bottom of the prison hierarchy is also true. Thornton said administrators will place Peterson with a group with whom he is compatible.

In addition to items at the canteen, Peterson can order from 13 approved vendors, including two in New York City — a Barnes & Noble bookstore on Fifth Avenue and a company called Music by Mail in Brooklyn. Other approved vendors include mail-order gift companies, office-supply stores, a vitamin and supplement store, an electronics store, a typewriter store and a JCPenney in Reno, Nev. Inmates are allowed to order packages from the vendors four times a year and their budget has no limit, Thornton said. Each package can be no more than 30 pounds. As long as Peterson's family keeps his account full, he can buy a variety of items, including checkers, a jockstrap, books, music, stationery, vitamins, playing cards, batteries or pens. He could even buy a television for himself — or anybody who might be looking out for him.

---did that say "jockstrap"?

Damn You, Wake Forest

Okay, I'll be the first to admit it... I don't watch basketball. I don't follow it. I know very little about it. But, the chance to fill out those brackets each spring and potentially win some money is always enticing. I stayed up WAY too late last night watching that Wake Forest game only to watch them go down in defeat in double OT. Damn! I had them in the Final Four and now they've probably ruined my chances.

Will be interesting to see what today's match-ups bring.

Thursday, March 17

This Years Oscars Blew Me Away

Item! You could have knocked me over with a feather after the 77th Annual Academy Awards. It wasn't just because of all the Oscar upsets, but also because of the new direction the ceremony has taken. Christopher Rock is no Billy Crystal, but he sure did shake things up. His bit with comedy king Adam Sandler was golden. And boy, did he make Chris Penn mad when he asked who Clive Owen was! I'm being kind of glib about that last one. I saw where Rock was coming from, but I thought Mr. Penn made a good point, too. He was right to stand up for one of our generation's finest actors, who has graced us with great performances in films like Alfy and Sky Colonel And The World Of Tomorrowland. And if you can't stand up for what's right at the Oscars, where can you do that?
But it wasn't just about standing up for what's right. A Million Dollar Smile took the most awards, winning Best Director, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Picture, and Best Fights. And Jamie Fox won Best Actor, proving for the second time that the Academy is colorblind. Congratulations to all the winners, whatever their color!
Oddly enough, there were no major "fashion don'ts" at the Oscars this year. Who could forget Beyork's swan number from a few years ago? Or Cher's black spider-web dress? Or Celine Dion's backwards suit? No one. We're still talking about them!
I'm going to move out of awards mode in just a second, but there's been a lot of talk about Mark Antony and J. Lo's Latino duet at the Grammys. People were saying that J. Lo sounded like a gut-shot crow or a '68 VW Beetle. First of all, someone should tell those people to bite their tongues! Second, I don't know which Grammys they were watching, but what I saw was a couple in love, singing a tender romantic ballad that transcended language, pitch, and key. Anyone who says otherwise is a racist. Kudos Mark and J, and gracias por su funcionamiento.
Item! I just saw some crocuses poking out of the ground, which means spring is on its way. I'm glad, because spring is a good time for love, and there seems to be a lot of splitting up going on. Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you know? Charlie Sheen of 2 1/2 Men And A Baby and his wife Denise Richards of Super Troopers have filed for D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore? Especially while Denise is pregnant! I'm shocked! I don't care how talented you are, Charles, I will never watch another of your movies or entertaining sitcoms again. It's as simple as this: You don't walk out on a girl who's in the family way. (Unless it's for true love like Kevin Fredderline did to be with Britney.)
Oh, and also, Dawson's cutie Katie Holmes and that guy from American Pie with the weird head split up. I guess I hadn't really thought about either of those two in awhile, so it's not that big a deal to me.
I'd be happier if cars got better gas mileage. It'd be good for my wallet and good for the country.
Item! Cojo update! I last reported that fashion and accessory advisor to the people Steven "Cojo" Cojocaru was recovering from kidney transplant surgery. Apparently, Katie "nice" Couric from The Today Show isn't so "cour"teous, if you follow me. When Cojo did an interview with another show, Ms. Nice dumped him from an appearance on Today. Talk about kicking someone while he's down! I'll still watch Today, but not during National Colon Cancer Awareness Week (April 12-18).
I can't decide who's the better Motown artist, Otis Redding or Marvin Gay.
Item! There's a lot of to-do about chickens being mistreated. Rap mogul Sean John and the Reverend Al Sharpton have joined PETA in the fight against chicken cruelty. If you ask me, chickens are coddled. When I was 4, my parents took me to a farm. I wandered around happily until I made my way into the chicken coop. The dumb birds swarmed me, flapping their wings like crazy, making clucking sounds, and pecking at my legs. Those beaks are sharper than they look. If a chicken dies to become my Boston Market dinner, I say good riddance!
I've never been surfing, but you'd better believe that if I ever went to Hawaii, I'd be willing to give it the old Harvey try.
Someone better start an online petition to get that Fredonia Apple album out. I've been waiting years for the pouting chanteuse to deliver another one-two punch, only to find out that it has been done for more than a year? Come on, let us have it! Ow! Not in the face!
Well, that about wraps it up for the ol' Scoop for this week. I have a birthday coming up soon (I won't tell you how old I am!) so I'm going to treat myself to something nice, like a little television for my kitchen counter or a nice dinner at Red Lobster. By the time you next hear from me, I'll be a little older and a little wiser about all things Hollywood! I'm working on some great leads right now, including the whereabouts of George Wendt, and why Pamela Anderson has so much trouble finding true love. All that and more next time... on The Outside.

Wacko Fano's

SANTA MARIA, Calif. — Michael Jackson (search) has his own personal cheerleading squad.

His supporters cheer him loudly every time he appears at the courthouse for his child-molesting trial. The fans are devoted to Jackson, and many have given up a great deal to be near him during his ordeal. His supporters' days begin long before sunrise. They are kept outside a chain-link fence as TV crews warm their lights and set the stage for a show the King of Pop would rather cancel. "I was a kindergarten teacher for 13 years, and I resigned to be out here," said supporter Sheree Wilkins. (--she should be on trial, according to my sister, Susan)

"We gave up everything. We need to put everything to the side and just fight it, you know?" said Susie Mumpfeld.

But why is important to come out to see Jackson? "This is a slice of life," said supporter Brian Church.

As Jackson and his entourage arrive, the faithful are in a frenzy, screaming "Michael!" "Michael is innocent!" "Let's go defense!" And day after day, one man is like the loudest fan at a football game -- you can hear him above the rest. The locals call him Tennessee. He's 18-years-old. He took a bus here and he has no plans to leave. And it's costing him. "My motel room is $110 a night, and I have been here two months, so you can do the math," Tennessee said.

--All these wacked out fans should be committed to an asylum. It's bad enough I even report on this stuff but these guys take it to an entirely new level of insaneness (is that a word?)

Wednesday, March 16

2 Outta 3 Ain't Bad

I guessed Lindsey, Makalah and Scott. Tonite Lindsey went home with Mikalah and Jessica rounding out the bottom three.

Did anyone else think the "song for charity" was horrible? For once the obligatory Ford commercial wasn't too cheesy.

This Made Me Laugh

From Defamer:

Larry King will stay on at CNN until 2009, or until he collapses into a pile of dust in his desk chair, whichever comes first

This Doesn't Mean He's Not Gay...

Mario Vasquez has signed with S. Piddy Combs. That's the rumor.

I am done reporting on Mario now.

Top Ten Reasons I Quit David Letterman

Mario Vasquez showed up on the Late Show to present his top ten:

10. Well, for starters I was really, really drunk.
9. I've got my eye on the ultimate prize: "Belgium Idol."
8. Yeah, my career's over, but I just saved a bundle on my car insurance.
7. After seeing Michael Jackson, maybe I don't want to be a pop star.
6. Ryan Seacrest is all hands.
5. I started liking when Ryan Seacrest was all hands.
4. Screw it. I'm quitting this, too.

Then he walked off stage.

Love Her!

SHE stole the show at the Grammys, and now it seems blond Brit Joss Stone is stealing the Gap ads from Sarah Jessica Parker. Gap spokesman Sean Krebs confirmed to PAGE SIX's Lisa Marsh that the sexy soul siren is its new spokesbabe. "We are shooting her in Los Angeles this week for the summer 2005 television campaign," Krebs said. "Joss Stone will be prominently featured and we are very excited." The ads hit the airwaves on April 28.

LOST news

March 16, 2005 -- THE frenzy over who on "Lost" will die this season is heating up now that the show's creator and cast mentioned it to fans.

"I wasn't really surprised that the death of this character was as hard in real life as it was on the show," "Lost" creator J.J. Abrams said at the William S. Paley Television Festival in Los Angeles. Fans have been buzzing about the upcoming death since word of the plot twist leaked out some weeks ago.

Some believe that mystery outdoorsman, John Locke (played by Terry O'Quinn), is the character marked for death since he is expected to "go missing" during the April 6 episode, according to upcoming series information released by ABC this week. (NO!!!! anyone but Locke!!!!!) In the same the episode, pregnant Aussie girl Claire (Emilie de Ravin) finally goes into labor, the network says.

Cast members at the festival joked that the mother of actor Jorge Garcia — who plays Hurley, the lovable millionaire lottery winner — was more concerned about the fate of the other characters than her son's. "I told her, 'One of us is gonna die this year.' And she said, 'Not Sawyer!' " Garcia said. James Sawyer is the long-haired, supply-hoarding scoundrel played by Josh Holloway. (squeeee!!!!)

Abrams and the rest of the show's producers keep a tight lid on information relating to "Lost." But some other behind-the-scenes gems gleaned at the panel included news that Garcia was the first actor to score a job on the hit drama. "The cast was as central in shaping what the show became as anything," Abrams said. Hurley was actually changed after Garcia got the part. Originally, he was supposed to be a middle-age country bumpkin instead of the mellow, fat guy. But Abrams chased Garcia after seeing him last year playing a laid-back marijuana dealer — on HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm." "Lost" even referenced Garcia's role on "Curb" a few weeks ago when, in a flashback scene, Hurley was arrested after being mistaken for a drug dealer. (hmm... didn't know that)

----April 6 is not going to arrive fast enough!! I'm dying without my weekly LOST fix!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 15

Idol Chatter

Jessica, she sang Better Shop Around. Yeah... she might be better off shopping than singing this song. Her voice was good but I know she's better than that. Hope she sticks around awhile.

Arnwar-Didn't catch the song title but that's okay. It wasn't worth remembering. Really bad song choice for someone who has a real chance at winning this.

Mikalah-sang Son Of A Preacher Man. It was like Fran Drescher attempting Janis Joplin posing as a hooker. Bad. Bad. Bad.

Constantine-sang You Made Me So Very Happy. I'm not sure what to make of his performance. I used to like him, now his squinty eyes and smarmy personality is really turning me off.

Lindsey-sang Knock On Wood. Even crossing her fingers and swearing on a bible won't save this chick. She's outta there!

Anthony-sang Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. Really scary performance. He's capable of better but you'd never know it after tonight.

Nadia-You Don't Have To Say You Love Me. Simon has upgraded her to "steak" (as opposed to hamburger).

Bo-Spinning Wheel. Majorly awesome! Final 2 contender.

Vonzell-Anyone Who Had A Heart-not a great song choice but she looked nice, so there you go.

Scott-Ain't Too Proud To Beg-he's gonna have to in order to make it another week

Carrie-When Will I Be Loved-very karaoke-ish and not original. She sounded good but not great.

Nikko-who knew... he's the son of Ozzie Smith. Hmm.

I Predict.... lowest vote getters: Mikalah, Lindsey, Scott