Television Without Pity on Lost

I think the readers of TWP liked last night's episode of Lost as much as I did. They gave it a C+. Here's why:

Things I was right about: training ninjas! Things I was wrong about: Hurley and Libby, sitting in a tree. But next time I'm going to miss an episode, I'm going to double-check the spoilers and see if any upcoming episodes predominantly features a) Charlie, b) dream sequences, c) adult Charlie in a diaper. Because the only thing I can think of that would make me enjoy an episode less would be some of American Idol's way-too-into-it white girls grunt-singing "Black Velvet" with their eyes closed. Charlie, you leave me crying in the aisle, what with your flashbacks about your brother being a dick and selling the piano that was given to you by your mother with the all-purpose United Kingdom accent. And Charlie has his visions of Aaron being in danger, and his response is to kidnap the kid a few times, because this is sure to get him back into Claire's good books. And while we're on the subject of Claire, she might want to think about a beauty manual called Plane Crashes, Island Births, and Dumping Junkie Rock-Star Has-Beens: How to Look Absolutely Fucking Incredible. Locke thinks Charlie's back on the heroin, which is understandable, because Charlie is as we all know the very first person to have visions. Maybe this is as good a measure as any as to how dissatisfied I was with this episode: when Locke punches Charlie at the end, I didn't even enjoy it. You know where I stand on punching Charlie vs. not punching Charlie. What you might not know is that I've pitched to ABC a Lost spin-off called Punching Charlie: The Series (I'm waiting to hear back). But when Locke's fist hit Charlie's face all I could think of was that Charlie is their friend, that he's in agony, and it just as easily be any one of them in Charlie's position. Having said that, if I had some advice for Charlie, it would be to give Claire a little space. And, you know, stop kidnapping Aaron.