Idol Update

Here is a summary of People Weekly's Idol Update, just in time for the new season.

Kelly Clarkson - You all know what she's up to. Two albums - Three million copies - Not bad. It all goes downhill from here.

Tamyra Gray - She made an album and no one cared. It only sold 120,000 copies. And she has been on really bad TV shows (Boston Public) and a bad musical in NY (Bombay Dreams - because she's so Indian).

Justin Guarini - No one likes him so he cut his hair. No one recognizes him anymore and he no longer gets pelted by vegetables and metal objects while on stage or in public. Actually, people like him just a little bit more than Tamyra, because they bought 142,000 of his albums.

RJ Helton - He decided not to be gay (puh-leese) and is now a Christian "artist." His album sold a whopping 20,000 copies, and he recently performed for an audience of 30. Damn boy, you're famous!

EJay Day - Besides having the dumbest name ever, he has the dumbest job ever: performing on a cruise ship.

Christina Christian - Okay, about EJay having the dumbest name ever? I take it back.

Ryan Starr - She's been on The Surreal Life already, so don't expect much from Ryan.

Jim Verraros - Unlike RJ, he's admitted he's gay and signed with (no kidding) William Hung's record label. He recently performed at a drag queen convention in (no kidding) Ohio.

AJ Gil - He is unsure how to capitalize on his fame. One word of advice: don't.

Nikki McKibbin - She's also starring on reality TV shows (Fear Factor) and shopping around songs. She's even released some on a website devoted to, of course, reality TV (thefishbowl.com).


Note to readers: If you want a music career, don't audition for American Idol.