Desperate Recap

From Television Without Pity:

This week, Miguel's roommate tries to blackmail Gabrielle into sleeping with him. When she threatens to tell Miguel about it, the roommate admits that he wanted to nail Gabrielle because he's worried he might be gay. See, he's been fooling around with this guy for a long time, and he thinks he might be developing feelings. The other guy? Andrew Van de Kamp! Susan discovers the two of them making out in the Youngs' pool. Speaking of Susan, she has the misfortune of finding out that her boyfriend, in addition to being the prime suspect in Mrs Kravitz's murder, has a record: manslaughter and drug trafficking. She's heartbroken. Mike's boss, Noah, promises he'll get him out of this legal mess by paying off the detective in charge of the case, who's played by Nick Chinlund, better known to those of us who watched The X-Files as the creepiest villain ever, freaky killer and lover of hair, Donnie Pfaster. Damn you, Marc Cherry! This is a cunning blow against me! What's next? BOB as Susan's new boyfriend?

Anyway, in other News of the Heartbroken, KimberBree finds out that Danielle is planning to give Miguel the flower of her virginity as a way to win him back. KimberBree convinces Miguel to be as brutal as possible when turning down this kind offer, so as to keep Danielle from holding onto false hope. We don't get the see the brutality in action, but Danielle does a lot of crying after she has a private talk with Miguel, so presumably he carried through his end of the bargain. Speaking of bad boyfriends, Julie sneaks out of the house to go to Zach's Dorky Pool Party That Turns Into An Adolescent Gay Orgy, and finds out that Zach really is, as Susan puts it, "Rampage-Crazy" (as opposed to what she defines herself, "Adorable-Crazy") when he threatens very creepily to shoot Andrew. Danielle's wigged. Finally, Gay Matt gets a promotion he really, really wants and Lynette sabotages it, because she's a bitch. Good stuff this week.