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Thanks to the NY Post for this.....

April 5, 2005 -- Has "Lost" got you lost? Is "Deadwood" just a dead zone?

So far, it's been a super-juicy year for TV addicts. Desperate housewives are out for blood, a tiny tribe of two is attempting to survive Palau and formerly frisky couples are seeing their amazing race devolve to the brink of domestic violence. But unless you're an advanced TiVo programmer or professional couch potato, you're probably falling behind in your pop-culture studies. Which means you're clueless when water-cooler talk turns to the latest bizarre plot twist on "Lost" or which top model wannabe can best handle a fuzzy-spider facial.

Even as we turn into prime-time network TV's home stretch, it's not too late to catch up on the season's finest entertainment - most of which, suprisingly, isn't on cable. We've assembled an instant-expert guide that'll get you right back in on the gossip and ready to call in your vote for America's next "Idol."


Deadwood Sundays at 9 p.m. (HBO)
Leave it to HBO, home of "The Sopranos" and "Oz," to turn the Old West into a place where every cowboy swears like a sailor and the best possible death is being shot in the back and fed to a Chinese mobster's pigs. This season, Sheriff Seth Bullock and rival "businessmen" Al Swearengen and Cy Tolliver (they run the mining town's booze, dope, gambling and women) have been jockeying for power as Deadwood prepares to be annexed into the Dakota Territory.

What's next: Swearengen, finally recovered from the severe beating Bullock gave him, is back in charge at the Gem Saloon. He's trying to outwit Tolliver, who's been scheming with Dakota politician and mining magnate George Hurst to cheat local prospectors out of their claims. Meanwhile, Alma Garret, who owns the town's richest gold mine, is pregnant and deciding whether she'll have the sheriff's love child.

LOST Wednesdays at 8 p.m. (ABC)
Though the most cynical fans continue to gripe that the show's multiple mysteries will amount to naught, this series about a group of plane-crash survivors has provided some of the best TV thrills this season, mostly due to its maddening inexplicability. What are polar bears doing on a tropical island? What's up with the crazy Frenchwoman hiding in the jungle? And could someone please connect all those odd little coincidences in various characters' back stories?

All the survivors, we've found, have serious issues. Jack (Matthew Fox from "Party of Five") has his dead dad. Kate is an ex-bank robber who may have murdered her boyfriend. Sawyer has a botched revenge killing. Charlie ("Lord of the Rings" hobbit Dominic Monaghan) has a heroin addiction. Sun and Jin have their failing marriage. Walt has his psychic powers. Most tellingly, Hurley has the winning lottery ticket numbers, which brought him nothing but bad luck and just happen to be inscribed on the outside of the downed plane. Last week, we left Locke - who had miraculously gained the ability to walk again after the crash, only to begin losing it again recently - pounding on the hatch of a locked metal bunker deep in the jungle, while his cohort Boone lingered at death's door.

What's next: Claire, who was previously kidnapped by the island's mysterious natives, has her baby. If fans' wishes come true, Kate and Sawyer will finally hook up.

AMERICAN IDOL Tuesdays at 8 p.m.;Wednesday at 9 p.m. (Fox)
Learn how to use the "text message" feature on your phone to vote for your favorite, because with only nine remaining contestants, the competition is about to get fierce. This is the year of the rock star. Now that Latin crooner Mario Vasquez has dropped out of the competition, the strongest males are country rock performer Bo Bice (think Axl Rose) and New Yorker Constantine Maroulis (think Eddie Vedder), both 29. Simon Cowell's favorite is 21-year-old blond country singer Carrie Underwood, who "would sell more records than any other American Idol so far," according to the cranky Brit. Ukrainian-born teen Anthony Fedorov is the "Clay Aiken" of the competition, but not as convincing. And 25-year-old teacher Anwar Robinson hits the high notes, but has dry performances.

What's next: Soulful singer Scott Savol, 28, will probably be the next to go - and it doesn't help that the Smoking Gun Web site reported he was arrested for a domestic violence rap. Things don't look much better for 22-year-old Nikko Smith, who was booted, then voted back into the competition when Vasquez dropped out.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Sundays at 9 p.m. (ABC)
America's favorite Sunday-night guilty pleasure started off with a bang (literally - the series' narrator, Mary Alice, put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger) and continues to revel in a blend of sex, lies and camp. Sexy-yet-clumsy Susan (Teri Hatcher) was in a relationship with mysterious, hunky neighbor Mike - who may or may not be scheming to kill a Wisteria Lane resident - but it went south when she discovered he'd previously been convicted of murder. Gossip hound Mrs. Huber was snuffed by her next-door neighbor Paul because she sent a blackmail letter that led to his wife Mary Alice's alleged suicide. Town bitch Edie (Nicollette Sheridan) bawled out Susan last week for not resisting the new guy on the block (she claimed him first). Mother-of-three Lynette (Felicity Huffman), who recently kicked her Ritalin addiction, can't stop prying into other people's lives. Last week, she broke up a marriage by telling the husband's deaf wife that he was talking behind her back. And redhead perfectionist Bree Van de Camp (Marcia Cross) is finally getting the respect she deserves. Her cheating husband, Rex, came to her rescue after their pot-smoking son got physical with her last week, and now they're sending him to a correctional facility. (After sleeping with the town slut, it was the least Rex could do.) Rex could be next on the hit list, though, as Bree's pharmacist stalker has tampered with his heart medicine. Lucky for stuck-up snob Gabrielle (Eva Longoria), her annoying mother-in-law is dead, and she can cheat all she wants with the gorgeous lawn boy (Jesse Metcalfe). Better yet, her husband is going to the slammer for eight months and she's got the house all to herself.

Next week: Will Gabrielle cheat again? Is Bree's son gay? Will Rex be the next to die? Will the ladies of Wisteria Lane ever figure out why Mary Alice committed suicide?

SURVIVOR: PALAU Thursdays at 8 p.m. (CBS)
From capturing sharks to building bathrooms, contestants face the most physically grueling season ever. This year's Rob and Amber are Ulong teammates Greg and Jennifer, who've been smooching on the hammock while hatching schemes. The nine-member Ulong tribe is on a roll, thanks to show-stealing players like Tom, a New York firefighter. He's this year's Rupert, but his strength could be his undoing. Ian, the dolphin trainer, is a goofy riot. And the most calculating is Colby, the gay hairdresser (this year's nice Richard Hatch), who's everyone's friend. The losing Koror team has only two members left: Steph and Bobby John. Gorgeous Steph, a pharmaceutical rep, could be the coolest "Survivor" player ever, with her smoking body and amazing strength.

What's next: Anything can happen. Forget the phrase "Jump the Shark." The producers of this show are getting better and more surprising every season.

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL Wednesdays at 8 p.m. (UPN)
In this highly addictive show, Tyra Banks presides over a bevy of beauties clamoring to become America's "Next Top Model." This lofty honor involves - as Tyra mentions repeatedly - a contract with the Ford agency and a spread in Elle shot by Giles Bensimon. Each girl is judged by how well she performs a number of tasks - from runway strutting to makeup application to keeping her cool during a photo shoot while a tarantula crawls across her face. This season, much of the tension has revolved around Michelle, an awkward wrestler from Indiana prone to crying jags. This week, she developed a skin condition that covered her face with raw, quarter-size splotches. Pretty soon, the entire house was in hysterics, convinced that the condition - which turned out to be impetigo - was a flesh-eating, potentially fatal and highly contagious bacterial disease.

What's next: Will Michelle's skin clear up? And can the confrontational Tiffany stop dealing serious beat-downs to everyone in the house?

24 Mondays at 9 p.m. (Fox)
The uninitiated are often loathe to jump into "24" midseason, given the show's framework - 24 hours in which the nation is under attack by terrorists, each hour-long episode unfolding in real time. But waiting for the DVD is depriving yourself of the most propulsively exciting show on television. In the 16 hours that have elapsed so far, a Middle Eastern terrorist cell operating on U.S. soil has already derailed a train, kidnapped the secretary of defense, attempted a meltdown of all nuclear power plants (succeeding with one), blacked out eight square miles of Los Angeles and attempted to kill the president while he's on Air Force One (that episode, which aired last night, will re-run this Friday). Newcomers include the secretary of defense (played by a statesmanlike William Devane) and his daughter, Audrey (Kim Raver); Behrooz, an Americanized teen whose now-dead parents were members of a terrorist cell; and terror mastermind Habib Marwan, still at large. Back on board are Michelle Dessler, who was just brought on as head of Counterterrorism Unit (CTU); her estranged husband and reinstated operative, Tony Almeida; and IT geek Chloe. But they are all mere satellites revolving around star Kiefer Sutherland, as counterterrorism agent Jack Bauer, the man saving the nation by any means necessary (torture, blackmail, etc.). Sutherland is the only person viewers really need to follow. And, equally as important, there's the "24" drinking game: Raise a glass every time a character yells, "We're running out of time!" and a shot when Sutherland employs his dulcet tones on some variation thereof.

What's next: The genius of "24" lies in its ability to tap into the country's worst fears imaginable - then come up with even worse doomsday scenarios on an hourly basis.

At the beginning of this season, no one could've anticipated the attempted assassination of the airborne president - and we still have eight hours of terrorist attacks to go.

THE O.C. Thursdays at 8 p.m. (Fox)
The teen soap got off to a slow start this season, but has been building up steam. Seth Cohen (Adam Brody) , who used to be the series' endearing nerd, this year turned into a stunningly self-absorbed whiner who somehow snagged the hottest girl in town. Ryan Atwood (Benjamin McKenzie), formerly the brawny thug with a heart of gold, has turned into a bookish nerd. So-called adult couple Sandy and Kirsten Cohen (Peter Gallagher and Kelly Rowan) saw their marriage tested by Sandy's old flame, who has since moved on, and now by a new man in town. Kirsten's father, Caleb, is also the father of Lindsay, Ryan's Lindsay Lohan-esque love interest, who found the whole thing too weird and fled to Chicago. Spoiled-brat Marissa (Mischa Barton) flirted with lesbianism only to flee back to straightville (in the form of Ryan). And Seth isn't whining so much now that he's finally reunited with Summer (Rachel Bilson), his longtime love.

Next week: Will Ryan's wayward brother, fresh from prison, catch Ryan and Marissa K-I-S-S-I-N-G?