NBC Tuesdays

Did I miss The Office and Earl last night? I swear my Tivo didn't get them.

Highest Paid Actresses

1. Julia Roberts ($20 million a film)
2. Nicole Kidman ($16 to $17 million)
3. Reese Witherspoon ($15 million)
4. Drew Barrymore ($15 million)
5. Renee Zellweger ($10 to $15 million)
6. Angelina Jolie ($10 to $15 million)
7. Cameron Diaz ($10 to $15 million)
8. Jodie Foster ($10 to $12 million)
9. Charlize Theron ($10 million)
10. Jennifer Aniston ($9 million)

Poor Paris Hilton. Although she didn't get money for her movie. She got crabs.

[Source: Hollywood Reporter]

TomKat News

Seems Crazy Cruise might be in for a wrist-slapping. The sonogram machine he purchased to perform at-home ultrasounds on Katie has raised some concerns amongst the medical community.

The ACR issued a statement warning that Cruise and Holmes could potentially harm their unborn baby by performing ultrasounds without the benefit of a doctor's supervision

"This is a patient safety issue. Untrained people, even if they have the financial means, should not buy, or be allowed to buy and operate, ultrasound machines which are, in fact, medical devices and should not be used without a medical indication," said Dr. Carol M. Rumack, chair of the ACR Ultrasound Commission.


---I think the warning could pertain to jumping on couches as well.

Nip/Tuck

Wow. What a great episode. Shocking and weird. And that's when this show is best.

Loved Quentin and the Army guy. How sick is that? And does anyone think Quentin is NOT the Carver at this point?

I never would've guessed what happened to Kimber. Ick! I wonder if we'll see more of that.

And how scandalous was Christian and his "pathetic" patient?

Whats In Jacko's Pants?

Find Out Here

And The Gossip Begins......

There may be a large legal battle brewing over Jessica Simpson's assets (and I mean the monetary kind, not her substantial holdings in bust equity). As reported in early 2004, Jessica refused to sign a prenup, stating that if their marriage were ever to go bad, Nick Lachey "would deserve half of everything I have." Oops.

American Idol

Not only is it back from at least 6 more seasons, but it's moving to Wednesdays and Thursdays. Wow. This will, honestly, shake up primetime TV.

Taft

Wow. He must be doing something right.

According to Zogby, Taft now has an approval rating of 6.5%.

Why I Will Avoid Narnia

I'm sure there's many readers who are lovely, church-going people. But the minute I saw that they were going to screen The Chronicles of Narnia at churches (a la Passion of the Christ), I imposed a ban on seeing it. Ever.

Buh-Bye

Threshold.

And Hot Properties.

And Reunion.

Speaking of D-Listed

Michael has some scoop that People Magazine will report that Jessica and Nick got divorced because HE BEAT HER. What the fuck!

D-Listed

Great blog. Michael is hilarious. Here are his words about Jen Garner today:

"Seriously, this girl has been pregnant for about 6 years now. That baby is going to come out a 14yo boy, playing xbox and smoking a joint."

Scoop on NBC's funniest show

Or second funniest. Depends on the week.

From iawl4295:
What's with Michael's obsession with Ryan on The Office? Is he in love with him?

I don't know, but I heard he's buying Ryan an iPod for Christmas...not exactly within the $20 Secret Santa parameters. Also, Dwight's office fling is going to continue. Stand by for more Birkenstock-knocking! (Damn, I love that show.)

The Carver

Kristen (from E!) had an exchange about Nip/Tuck's Carver. Interesting:

From daragirl:
Okay, spill it: Who do you think the Carver is?

I no longer think it's Matt.

From nemofansmommy:
Can you rule out Julia's mother as the Carver on Nip/Tuck?

Crap, what did that Little Engine say again?

From spygrl1210: Kimber was definitely kidnapped by the Carver, right? She wouldn't leave Christian.

You just wait. No, she didn't leave Christian.

From epc1658:
Is Kimber dead?

Worse.

From grygazol:
Does Kimber go back in time, à la becoming a born-again virgin (with surgical re-hymenation) so she's pure on her wedding night? They do that now.

Good guess, but that's not what I meant by "going back in time" on the message boards.

From dj457_2000:
Is the Kimber tragedy really mind-blowing?

I haven't seen it. But when I heard it, I was actually kind of sick to my stomach.

Lost

Kate kisses someone. The computer counts down to "00."

Shit! Can't wait for this episode. Watch the Canadian trailer here. (Click on Canadian Real Player Preview under "Next On Lost.")

Not in the preview: Is Ana-Lucia a lesbian?

The Simple Life

Good news, fan. It's coming back. On E! With Paris and Nicole. Yay.

Prison Break

Who caught the "fall finale?" I haven't watched since the pilot, which I thought was good yet over-the-top (not exactly in a bad way), but I'm planning to rent the DVDs.

By the way, the other half of the first season won't begin until May. Confirming that Fox has the most idiotic execs in Hollywood (even more so than NBC).

Another "Madonna Wants To Direct" thread

Because Andrew Pulver thinks, "Maybe she wouldn't be so bad." Good read.

The Indies

It's award season! Here are the Independent Spirit Award noms. I see a couple themes... (Brokeback, Good Night and The Squid)

BEST FEATURE
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Good Night, and Good Luck
The Squid and the Whale
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada

BEST DIRECTOR
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
George Clooney, Good Night, and Good Luck.
Gregg Araki, Mysterious Skin
Rodrigo Garcia, Nine Lives
Noah Baumbach, The Squid and the Whale

BEST FIRST FEATURE
Crash Director: Paul Haggis
Lackawanna Blues Director: George C. Wolfe
Me and You and Everyone We Know Director: Miranda July
Thumbsucker Director: Mike Mills
Transamerica Director: Duncan Tucker

BEST SCREENPLAY
Ayad Akhtar, Joseph Castelo, Tom Glynn, The War Within
Guillermo Arriaga, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
Noah Baumbach, The Squid and the Whale
Dan Futterman, Capote
Rodrigo Garcia, Nine Lives

BEST SUPPORTING FEMALE
Amy Adams, Junebug
Maggie Gyllenhaal, Happy Endings
Allison Janney, Our Very Own
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
Robin Wright Penn, Nine Lives

BEST SUPPORTING MALE
Firdous Bamji, The War Within
Matt Dillon, Crash
Jesse Eisenberg, The Squid and the Whale
Barry Pepper, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
Jeffrey Wright, Broken Flowers

BEST FEMALE LEAD
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Dina Korzun, Forty Shades of Blue
Laura Linney, The Squid and the Whale
S. Epatha Merkerson, Lackawanna Blues
Cyndi Williams, Room

BEST MALE LEAD
Jeff Daniels, The Squid and the Whale
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
David Strathairn, Good Night, and Good Luck.

More Pilots...

I've bolded the ones I think sound most interesting...

NBC has ordered up two projects from Baer Bones and Wolf Films: Brave New World and The Whole Truth, according to Variety. Brave New World is based in the world of science and its technological advances which may, or may not, be in opposition to some people's moral ethics. Patrick Harbinson is signed on to write this script. The latter, The Whole Truth revolves around a television investigative reporter and the lengths he will go to get the full story. This project will be written by Jonathan Greene.

Fox has ordered a project from HBO Independent Prods and Parallel Entertainment, called Big Loud Lisa, and starring comedienne Lisa Lampanelli who Variety describes as a female Don Rickles. The script will be written by Steve Rudnick and Leo Benvenuti, who will also exec produce along with Lampanelli.

WB has ordered up a pilot starring Nick Lachey as a newlywed and a big league baseball player. As you might have guessed, Jessica Simpson is not involved. Danny Jacobson will write the comedy pilot.

ABC has an untitled drama project with penalty in development about a woman who is a "relationship expert" who followed her fiance to an Alaskan town over run with men, only to find her fiance has been cheating on her, says Variety. Jenny Bicks is writing the script as well as exec producing along with James Mangold and Cathy Konrad.

The WB has also picked up a project from Jenny Bicks and HBO Independent Prods, this one is called Mommies Who Drink, which, according to Variety, is based on the novel by Brett Paesel by the same name (the book is scheduled for release thru Warner Books this summer). The project is a drama about mothers who are going thru the real life struggles of raising kids.

And finally, Bicks is working on a third project, this one for Showtime, called 36-24-36, about three women - grandma, mom and daughter - who own and operate a strip club.

More Rent...

From the Onion, a trusted news source (for real - at least when it comes to reviews):

With a single blow of their satirical hammer, Trey Parker and Matt Stone obliterated Rent with Team America: World Police's "Everyone Has AIDS," a song that perfectly captures the Broadway phenomenon's jarring, almost surreal juxtaposition of "gritty" subject matter and gee-whiz pep rally execution. But someone neglected to inform Sony, which is now releasing a long-awaited, long-overdue film adaptation that plays like Last Exit To Brooklyn as reinterpreted by Up With People. Yes, Rent is the movie about AIDS, heroin addiction, homosexuality, strippers, marijuana, cross-dressing, and bisexuality audiences can take their grandparents to go see safe in the knowledge that any lingering trace of danger or authenticity has been carefully removed by director/co-writer Chris Columbus, who previously proved his countercultural mettle with Mrs. Doubtfire and the first two Harry Potter films.

Since Nick & Jessica Are No Longer Available

Thank god we have these two:

My Fair Brady has been renewed for a second season. The first season was filmed early last summer and focused on Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight’s tumultuous relationship.

This new season will follow the couple as they plan their wedding and get married. In a statement, Chris Knight expresses surprise that their relationship has lasted.

--well, that is certainly encouraging, isn't it?

Is This A Sign?

A basketball-sized piece of marble molding fell from the facade over the entrance to the Supreme Court Monday, landing on the steps near visitors waiting to enter the building.

The chunk of Vermont marble was part of the dentil molding that serves as a frame for nine sculptural figures completed in 1935. The piece that fell was over the figure of Authority, near the peak of the building's pediment, and to the right of the figure of Liberty, who has the scales of justice on her lap . No one was hurt.

Cal. Republican Pleads Guilty

"He did the worst thing an elected official can do -- he enriched himself through his position and violated the trust of those who put him there,"

If this is the case, then why aren't more politicians (*cough* Taft *cough*) being prosecuted and resigning from office?

Stewart News

Laguna Beach star Talan Torriero and Kimberly Stewart are no longer engaged. Tragically, they’ve also broken up. But in even more disturbing news, Kimberly's dad, Rod Stewart, became a father at age 60.

Ewwwww!

Madonna wants to direct films

Great idea, Madonna.

Wax Off

Mr. Miyagi died. It's a sad day for Daniel-san (me).

More Alias...

Even super-agent Sydney Bristow couldn’t triumph over the inevitable. After five years, two timeslot switches and one major bout of fan backlash, ABC’s “Alias” is ending its run this May.

ABC confirmed the decision late Wednesday, leading into the four-day Thanksgiving break. The show, which will go on hiatus next month during series star Jennifer Garner’s maternity leave, will return at midseason for its final 13 episodes.

Though the timing of the decision, months before the season ends, is a surprise, the substance of it is not. Garner has a burgeoning movie career and a baby on the way, and producer J.J. Abrams has two other shows on ABC, including upcoming midseason drama “What About Brian.” Everybody's busy in a sense.

ABC simply confirmed rumors that have been floating around the internet since the show’s fifth-season premiere. It was made easier for network by the fact that with the move to Thursday night “Alias” was generating its worst-ever ratings.

“Alias” has always been a show long on potential with little to show for it. It was ABC’s only critical hit during the lean years between “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire” and “Desperate Housewives,” and although it never received big ratings, it had a dedicated cult following.

That helped the show get renewed four times, despite rarely winning its timeslot during its first three seasons and in 2003 becoming the least-watched post-Super Bowl program ever. The show struggled for three years in the Sunday 9 p.m. timeslot before being moved last season to make way for “Housewives.”

In moving “Alias,” ABC rewarded Abrams, also the man behind “Lost,” with the lush post-“Lost” Wednesday 9 p.m. timeslot. There the show performed well but lost an increasing share of “Lost’s” audience as the season went on, finishing with a so-so 4.2 18-49 average.

With “Housewives,” “Lost” and “Grey’s Anatomy” doubling those numbers, and several of its shows now basking in critical acclaim, ABC had fewer reasons to continue with the imaginative “Alias.”

This fall, ABC moved "Alias" to Thursday nights. Thursday is a normally premium night, except at ABC. No Thursday 8 p.m. show has survived since “Mork and Mindy” in the early 1980s. Thus far this season, “Alias” has averaged a 2.3 in 18-49s, behind even the WB’s “Smallville” in the same timeslot.

Yet in many ways it was a smart gamble for ABC, in effect a do or die proposition, a chance for "Alias" to show it could make it on its own without "Lost" to prop it up. If it could not persuade fans to follow it once again, and ratings sank, ABC could kill it once and for all, its conscious clear of any remorse. And that's what happened.

But this season “Alias” also has suffered a fan backlash over the exit of series co-star Michael Vartan, Garner’s on-screen flame and former real-life paramour.

Vartan’s secret agent Vaughn was an extremely popular character, and many fans speculated on message boards that Garner had asked for Vartan to be written off to avoid tension between him and her new husband, Ben Affleck.

Sites even sprang up asking ABC to reconsider the long-rumored death, which happened on the season’s first episode.

“Don't bring Alias back from hiatus until MV [Michael Vartan] is signed back on,” writes one recent poster on Television Without Pity’s boards. “Please...I beg of you...stop this torture.”

Vartan will return as a guest-star later this season and presumably will appear in the series finale during May sweeps.

[Source: Media Life]

Clipping on Tivo

Has anyone noticed that you can choose to record a show that overlaps with another show, and the Tivo will automatically "clip" the show you choose to record second?

That means that if The Simpsons (or whatever is scheduled to air at 8:30 on Sundays) is officially scheduled to run 2 minutes past 9, then Desperate Housewives will begin recording at 9:02 instead of the recording being completely cancelled. This has happened too often.

Nice feature. Long overdue.

What will you watch?

ABC has a new drama project in development called Napoleon (working title), produced by Q Media Partners and Touchstone Television. It's a police drama based on the life and career of San Francisco's first African-American homicide detective, Napoleon Hendrix. The project will be written by Jeb Stuart, who will also exec produce with Matt Gross. In a holding deal to play the title role is Michael Clark Duncan.

CBS' Cold Case has added Tracie Thoms to the cast as regular Kat Miller, a street-wise young narcotics detective who becomes a member of the Philadelphia homicide squad after assisting in solving an old case from 1973. Thoms' first episode aired last night.

NBC has picked up a new comedy project from Happy Madison Prods and Sony Pictures TV, based on the life and times of stand up comic John Caparulo. Caparulo grew up in a small town in Ohio, and this project picks up with his returning home after college, rather than going on to do all the great things expected of him, says Variety.

NBC has also ordered a script of a project from Al Roker Prods and NBC Universal, based loosely on Roker's life as a dad and a weather forecaster. According to Hollywood Reporter, the working title is Meet the Rokers. Ralph Farquhar will exec produce.

Also from HR, ABC has ordered a script starring David Arquette as a private investigator in a small town. The untitled project was developed by Arquette and Courteney Cox. Jeremy Stevens is on board to write the pilot as well as co-exec produce along with Arquette and Cox.

NBC's new drama pilot Kidnapped has cast three, with two others currently in negotiations. Mykelti Williamson (you remember him as Bubba in Forrest Gump) has been signed along with Carmen Ejogo and Boris McGiver, while Linus Roache and Delroy Lindo are still in talks. The project from 25C Prods, NBC Universal Television and Sony Pictures TV, is the unfolding of the kidnapping of the teenage son of a wealthy NYC businessman, and the subsequent investigation.

NBC pilot project Heist from Sony Pictures TV, Hypnotic and NBC Universal, has added three to the cast: Steve Harris, Michelle Hicks and Billy Gardell. These three join Dougray Scott who will play the lead role. Heist is an ensemble project that follows the process of planning and executing three simultaneous jewelry store robberies, over the course of a single season.

The WB is looking at a project from Tollin-Robbins Prods and writer Harley Peyton called City of Gold, an adventure drama. Set in the Amazon, the story revolves around a father/son archeological team, per Variety.

Walk the Line

Best Actress
Best Actor

Bet on it.

Amazing performances in a really great movie. Still can't get over their singing.

Rent

Skip the theaters and rent it next year. (Get it?)

The performances are great, but who wouldn't have expected that? 6 of the 8 actors are from the original stage production from 1996. They know their characters. They're almost not acting. And boy, can they all sing!

The direction was hideous. I knew all along that Chris ("Home Along," "Harry Potter," "Stepmom") Columbus was not the right person for the job. For a show about AIDS, death, drugs, sexuality and artistic integrity, he is not the right person. This could've been a great movie under the direction of someone like, say, Spike Lee (who was originally attached to direct). Instead it is an ABC Family made-for-TV musical with some damn good performances.

Mixed Feelings

Alias is ka-putt. This season, its fifth, will be its last. I think this is a good idea. In retrospect, it could've ended after season four and everyone might be happier.

And In Other Marriage News

Elton John will tie the knot on December 21.

It's About Damn Time

Nick & Jessica have officially split. Now we can look forward to endless speculation about why and who was involved.

Well, it kind of looks good.

Superman Teaser.

Lost Tidbits

From E!'s Kristin:

Oh, what a tangled web (of characters) we weave!Easter Egg or Fake Egg? The Others' legs. The tattoo on the shark. Hurley and Locke having the same boss. These are the teensy, blink-and-you'll-miss-'em clues we've been driving ourselves crazy with this season on Lost, as we rewatch episodes, freeze-frame shots and play audio backwards. But do they really mean anything? I asked big cheese Damon Lindelof for a few answers.

And get this. "People find Easter eggs that we didn't plant," Lindelof admits with a laugh. "Especially when they go digging back into the first season, and then you go, 'Oh, no. Well, that wasn't us. I wish we could take credit for that!' "

Still, many of them are legit. Jack rushing by Shannon and her stepmonster in the hospital in last week's episode solidified the theory that Mr. Rutherford--the guy who died in the car crash that injured Julie Bowen's character--was indeed Shannon's father. Harold Perrineau's wife Brittany (the Lotto girl and Sawyer's fling) will be back for a third intentional egg, and Yunjin Kim hints that the "best one yet" appears in the 10th episode. "It made me go, 'Oh my god!' " she says.

And that is the greatest part--turns out, the actors freak out about this stuff as much as we do. In fact, some of them are big ol' fangeeks. (Love it!)

Jorge Garcia says the tattoo on the shark was "a big shocker." He adds, "We were all watching it at Josh [Holloway]'s house, and they were like 'Wait a minute!' We had to stop it and bring it back and watch it in slow motion. And [the tattoo] was missing when they reran it, well, according to some podcast I've been listening to."

Harold Perrineau is also getting techie. "Today, we were online, looking at a map, trying to figure out, 'Okay, look, this plane left from Nigeria, right? And okay, so then, we left from Australia, so...' We were just in it for hours trying to figure out where we might be. What can I say? I'm into it!"

Even (my favorite) Daniel Dae Kim admits, "I started thinking about the theories. And when Mr. Eko's character first came on, I started thinking 'What an odd name. Mr. Eko.' And I actually sat down and started doing anagrams for the name. And I thought to myself 'Now I've really gone over the edge!' "

By the way, did you see that Daniel was named one of People's Sexiest Men Alive? Hubba-hubba! His humility proves he's just as gorgeous on the inside as on the out (a cliché, but so true in this case). He actually blushed when I asked him about it in Hawaii. "It was a complete shock," he said of making the list. "I never, never would've guessed something like that. You know, for an Asian-American guy to be named in that issue is fairly groundbreaking, and so I'm very honored and flattered to be that guy."

Will They or Won't They?

When it comes to setting a firm wedding date with Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise is very much of the “what’s the rush?” philosophy. Gone are the devil may care couch acrobatics of yestermonth. Instead, we find a new, measured Tom, a Tom of reason, who before making any rash “official” gestures, appears to be taking the wait-and-see approach to the little bundle of, um, something on the way.

Baby Federletus Makes Appearance!

From Defamer:

After a momentary lapse of gossip rag baby-whoring reason, Britney Spears has finally come to her senses and given the go ahead to People to print photos of her with newborn son Sean Preston on their cover. Proud father Kevin Federline is pictured too, his cornrows pulled extra tight, resulting in a convincing simulation of actual smiling.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe....

Bawston Rob pops up again. Damn him! Go away!!!

From RealityBlurred:
CBS’ Early Show is keeping up its tradition of strong, unflinching journalism with its lates on-air talentt hire: Survivor and Amazing Race runner-up Rob Mariano. (So which CBS exec does Rob have naked pictures of?)

Rob won’t exactly be joining intrepid journalist and Big Brother host Julie Chen as a host; instead, he’ll host his own regular segment “Rob to the Rescue,” in which he pretends he’s Ty Pennington and/or Amy Grant. (Actually, since he drives and narrates, it’s more like A&E’s Random 1. He’ll help people solve problems, and give them stuff that has been selflessly donated by companies who want their name spoken on air as much as possible.

In the first segment, which CBS has made available online, Rob travels to rural Michigan, for, as he says, an “afternoon,” to help a woman who rescues horses repair her fence.

Tune in next week where Rob tries to repair his career by begging Bunim/Murray to cast him on the next Challenge.

Is It Wrong To Want To Nominate My Folks?

Steve-O

Turkey Day

I plan on eating like a fool and then entering into a two-day food coma. Upon waking up, I will attend another gathering and eat like a fool (again).

The rest of the extended weekend will be spent feeling remorseful about all that I ate.

Turkey Day II

And what movies are going to see?

On my list:
Walk the Line
Rent
Syriana
Good Night, and Good Luck
Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic
Get Rich or Die Tryin'
Just Kidding

Turkey Day

What's everyone doing?

jake

I'm convinced he's not straight.

He's always "with" Kirsten, and they always kiss goodbye at The Urth Cafe in West Hollywood (hellooooo) as reported in Us Weekly, but I would bet that it's just a "friend" kiss between two girls.

Why hasn't anyone caught on to this?

I love Charlize and Stuart now

Hot Hollywood couple Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend are planning to wed the day it becomes legal for gays and lesbians to wed across America. The longtime couple are tired of being asked about their marriage plans so they've come up with a novel line to keep the press happy. Theron tells US news show Extra, "We came up with a new idea that we said that we would get married the day that gays and lesbians can get married - when that right is given to them. We've decided that we're gonna use that in a positive way, so the day that law gets passed then we'll get married."

(Source: IMDB)

They sort of annoy me (especially their looks - he is "prettier" than her), but I think this is really funny.

Jolie & Pitt Head to Pakistan for Thanksgiving

Real headline. I'm sick of them already. They're probably going to adopt babies.

Britney Rumors

Word is she's going to replace Christina Applegate (who I think is perfectly respectable) in Sweet Chariot on Broadway. Britney will play the main character. No word on who her big fat ass will play yet.

This sounds like communism...

Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia will be launching a new magazine this spring called Blueprint, targeting 30-somethings and the designing of their first homes. This announcement follows another last month that the company has formed a partnership with KB Homes to build entire housing communities, using Martha's vision as its guide.

One Sounds Cool

One Doesn't. On CBS:

January 17 at 9-10p: Love Monkey starring Tom Cavanagh as a 30-something single record exec, working and dating in NYC

January 23 at 930-10p: The Jenna Elfman Show about a single woman with the single goal of balancing her legal career with finding true love

NME's 10 Coolest Men on the Planet

If cool means "I don't know who you are" or "You just snorted enough cocaine to kill a large elephant..." From NME.com:

1. Alex Turner (Arctic Monkeys)
2. Liam Gallagher (Oasis)
3. Kanye West
4. Antony Hegarty (Antony and the Johnsons)
5. Brandon Flowers (The Killers)
6. Devendra Banhart
7. Pete Doherty (Babyshambles)
8. Jemima Pearl (Be Your Own Pet)
9. Bob Dylan
10. Carl Barat (Dirty Pretty Things)

Muppet Quiz

Which Muppet are you most like? Warning: 3 out of 4 of my coworkers got Kermit. So this quiz may be stupid.

Who said this...

"You know it's flattering when there's a rumor that says I'm bisexual. It means I can play more kinds of roles. I'm open to whatever people want to call me. I've never really been attracted to men sexually, but I don't think I would be afraid of it if it happened."

Hint: It's not Heath Ledger

Desperate Housewives Preview

It kind of looks like Bree kills George, huh?

I Tivo'd Oprah's Favorite Things...

And I heard that they had to call an ambulance because an audience member freaked out so much!!! Yes!

Anyways... here's the list, which includes a Burberry coat, the new iPod, "The Oprah Sweater" by Ralph Lauren (vomit), Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker (vomit) and a Blackberry! I *so* want to go to this show next year.

Lady in the Water

M. Night Shamalamadingdong's latest movie. My reaction = WTF

Car of the Year

Honda Civic! All four bodystyles (Sedan, Coupe, Sports Coupe, Hybrid) won Motor Trend's car of the year. Proud to be buying the hybrid in, oh, any day now.

10 Worst Tech Products of 2005

From PC Magazine:

10. Oakley Thump: If you've overdone it with the eggnog, a $500 pair of sunglasses with a built-in MP3 player might seem a divine combination. It's not. The poorly fitting earbuds chafe, the glasses feel flimsy, and the style is dated. And what happens if you want to rock out at night? Unless you're buying for Bono, pick up an iPod shuffle and a pair of Revos for half the price.

9. Voodoo Doll D210: If you give someone this zippy breadbox-sized PC, they'll be sticking pins in your effigy all year—and you'll be out more than 3,000 smackeroos, too. Voodoo crammed two CPUs and two hard drives inside, but left out the keyboard, mouse, and monitor. If you buy one anyway, get a pair of industrial-strength ear protectors too, as it whines like a 747 taxiing for takeoff.

8. H2i SimplyTouch OpticalBar: Turn any monitor into a touch screen! That's the promise; the reality is different. The OpticalBar sits atop your monitor and tracks your finger as you touch special parts of the screen. Alas, it works more slowly than the midnight shift at an all-night diner, and often gets your order wrong, too. Opt for a tablet notebook instead.

7. ROKR E1: The Oakley Thump of the mobile phone set; at least it's a decent phone. The hype around "The First iTunes Phone" created unfulfillable expectations. It's not as polished as an iPod, and its oddly limited music storage makes a mediocre player even worse. Glacially slow music-transfer speeds put the final nail in this coffin. Sony Ericsson sells a much better MP3-phone combo, but I suggest a shuffle and a RAZR phone: Cheaper—and better, too.

6. Cinego D-1000: It slices! It dices! It projects your DVDs onto the wall! You might be tempted by this combination front-projector and DVD player, but stay away. Marred by a minuscule remote, nasty interface, and terrible video quality, it'll be quickly relegated to the garage or eBay. For budget home theater, hold out for HP's ep9010 combo, or pick up a cheaper projector and a DVD player for less.

5. PQI mPack P800 Media Player: Looking for a portable music and video player? The mPack looks attractive—you can record video and FM radio directly, and it even includes a CompactFlash slot. But playback is a problem. Even with the most recent flash update, fast-forward and rewind simply do not work, despite the manual's direction. The screen is terrible, the interface abysmal, and the physical buttons erratic. Apple's video iPod, the Creative Zen Vision, and anything from Archos deliver a better experience for less.

4. Dual XNAV3500P: Even alpha males can use a little GPS assistance now and then. This hybrid car and portable mapping system seems solid—until you start using it. Marred by an awful interface and a poor data-entry keypad, it failed our tests. Pick up a TomTom GO, or give an IOU for Garmin's amazing Nuvi, debuting here in January.

3. PepperPad: Following in the footsteps of the Audrey, Netpliance, and NIC, this is an Internet bubble failure five years too late. More expensive than a laptop, with a battery life measured in minutes, and a tiny 8- by 6-inch touch screen, this home Internet tablet has few redeeming features. Unless you're a fan of freaky keyboards, opt for a cheap tablet PC instead.

2. Sony S2 Sports Network Walkman NW-S23: Pity poor Sony. It invented the Walkman and then squabbled as Apple stole its lunch. This player finally supports MP3 files, yet it lacks so much else that it's hardly worth the price. With ergonomics straight from a Klingon warship, balky software, and a poor display, this one deserves a place in the remainder rack. Again, you're better off with a shuffle.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... the worst product of the year—and from a surprising source.

1. Samsung Digimax V700: Samsung can seemingly do no wrong these days. The company has supplanted Sony as the top electronics brand, exuding both quality and cool. We hope this terrible digital camera is an aberration, not a sign of things to come. With slow performance, lousy auto-exposure, and some shutter lag, this 7.1-megapixel camera never should have been released. Compact cameras from Canon, Sony and Nikon are far better—even if they do cost a bit more.

The problem with Ohio

They elect morons to govern. From Think Progress:

During Rep. Jean Schmidt’s (R-OH) shameful attack on Rep. Jack Murtha (D-PA) on the House Floor she said she was communicating a message from Marine Colonel Danny Bubp:

A few minutes ago I received a call from Colonel Danny Bubp, Ohio Representative from the 88th district in the House of Representatives. He asked me to send Congress a message: Stay the course. He also asked me to send Congressman Murtha a message, that cowards cut and run, Marines never do. Danny and the rest of America and the world want the assurance from this body – that we will see this
through.

Bubp denies he said that:

Danny Bubp, a freshman state representative who is a colonel in the Marine Corps Reserve, told The Enquirer that he never mentioned Rep. John Murtha, D-Pa., by name when talking with Schmidt…”There was no discussion of him personally being a coward or about any person being a coward,” Bubp said.

Schmidt needs to come clean.

XTina is married

And what did her husband (Jordy Bratman) do when he gave his toast? He reportedly got up in front of everyone held his glass and thanked his parents for giving him "good looks and a large penis."

[Dlisted]

Ugliest Dog Ever

Used to be Sam. But he died on Friday. So sad.

I bet he was tired of carrying around that nasty-ass body of his. Heaven is the only place he can be beautiful.

More Ricky

This guy is a porn star!

"I'm open to everything. There are moments for soft, gentle sex. And there are moments for a good spank in the butt, the kind of sex where you pull the hair and grab the ears. I'm pretty open to whatever flows."

Is this hot?

“I love giving the golden shower. I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different.”

-Ricky Martin to Blender Magazine. I wonder if his golden buddy is Nate Berkus.

Successorexia?

According to dad Lionel, the reason Nicole Richie looks like Lara Flynn Boyle warmed over is because she is having so much success in her professional life.

Courtney Love: Lifted!

See For Yourself

Brit & K-Fed Hit The Apple

From PageSix:

The Country Music Association has left town, but the rednecks still linger. Britney Spears and her trash-tastic hubby, Kevin Federline, are trying their best to take Manhattan — and seem to have gotten over the spats that consumed them earlier this month. Last week, the two caught a showing of "Sweet Charity" — the show in which they're rumored to be in talks to co-star — and did some Christmas shopping. Over the weekend, Spears got a manicure complete with new, inch-long fake fingernails after a visit to Marquee Friday night with Federline and his brother — where they all proceeded to down a copious amount of alcohol. According to one source, Spears' drink of choice was vanilla rum and orange juice, and "they seemed very lovey-dovey. They left at 2:30 a.m. while the rest of their crew closed it down." Son Sean Preston was seen in the back of the car when they left.

Elvis Sighted at Starbucks

Elvis Presley Enterprises green-lighted four limited-edition holiday coffees so consumers can brew a cup of the King. The coffees are called Santa Baby, Blue Christmas, Love Me Tender and Silent Night, which is the decaf version.

An official with Elvis Presley Enterprises said Presley was a big coffee drinker and would have been thrilled with the deal.

Harry Potter Review from a non-Jesus Freak

I liked it. I really really liked it.

Note: I hated the first two (they were essentially the same damn movie) and I remember liking the third. Although there's no way I could provide a synopsis.

The only thing I thought was strange about the movie was the way it focused almost entirely on the Tri-Wizard Contest. There were few classroom scenes, and Harry's friends are secondary players most the time. Best part: Ralph Fiennes. Freaky! I can see how he scares those God-fearin' people who criticize the movie.

Harry Potter Review from a Jesus Freak

Because if I were 14 and seeing this film, I would break out my magic wand and use it for evil purposes. Call me Mr. Evil. I think even 14-year-olds (wait... make that 4-year-olds) know that magic is fantasy and movies are not real. These religious people need to get laid. They need to realize that the most important thing in the world is not protecting children from an entertaining movie. There are other, more important events taking place that will shape world history, and Harry Potter is not one of them.

(Can we also point out that this movie is rated PG-13. Which means if anyone under 13 wants to see the movie, they need their parents to take them. And a parent's job is to parent. So maybe they can teach their own kids to use magic only for good purposes.)

On to the review.... you can read the whole thing at www.pluggedinonline.com:

Although I’m not a big Harry Potter fan, I can't question this film’s quality on an artistic level. The production values are amazing. The architecture and fantastic European locales are Gothic yet charming. Central characters grow in interesting ways, while newly introduced ones—notably Miranda Richardson’s gossip columnist and Brendan Gleeson’s pirate-like professor with a goofy, roving artificial eye—are quirky and energetic. First-time Potter director Mike Newell had hard choices to make about what parts of the mammoth book to leave out (Goblet still clocks in at two-and-a-half hours) yet manages to create a cohesive product, and does a good job of marrying the story’s bustling action with quieter moments of coming-of-age teen
turmoil.

Nevertheless, no matter how skillfully the story gets told or how selfless, ethical and heroic Harry may be, it's impossible for me to invest myself in a series that glamorizes witchcraft. It’s easy to laugh when spineless bully Draco gets turned into a ferret. But it gets harder to make light of the sorcery when a potion requires that a man hack off his own hand, borrow a bone from a rotting corpse and drain blood from Harry’s arm.

Whether it’s grim treachery or comic relief, the film’s wall-to-wall sorcery is birthed from a faulty worldview that taps into the occult and never recognizes any divine authority. Unlike The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia, the entire series is built on a shaky spiritual foundation that sends young fans confusing messages about the morality and merits of the dark arts.

Of course, this is film four. Families that consider the supernatural sinew that binds Harry Potter together more trouble than it’s worth probably put the kibosh on it a long time ago. The ones still with it have decided either a) sorcery isn’t a big deal, or b) while they oppose real-life witchcraft, non-stop spells and incantations are acceptable when used as a literary device.

Even those in the "go with it" camp may find their patience tested with Goblet of
Fire, the first film to warrant a PG-13 rating. It’s extremely grim at times and even features the death of a Hogwarts student. I was amazed at the number of small children seated around me in the theater. At what point will moms and dads who’ve been saying “yes” to voracious young Potter fans decide that things have gone too far? This could be it. Dumbledore warns Harry, “Soon we must face the choice between what is right and what is easy.” They’re not the only ones.

Ryan Adams' New CD

He seems to release a new CD every week. Stream his latest, 29, which will be released soon.

Coming Soon To A Phone Near You

Lost eppies!
Lost

Go Gary! Go Gary!

From EW:

I know you all want to read about this week's episode of Survivor, but before we get to that, I just need to ask you one question: Will you be reading my column next week? Because if not, I'd at least appreciate you letting me know. We agreed that you would read these every week, and I just want to check and make sure we're still on the same page and all. Yeah, yeah, I know I've asked this before, but I'm just worried because next Thursday is Thanksgiving, and you know, I've noticed you're getting all friendly with the turkey and all, so I just want to double-check. Are you sure? You're sure you'll read it?

Oh, by the way, hey, it's me — Jamie. Dalton said I could fill in this week. At least I'm pretty sure he said I could. I probably better double-check with him. I just want to make sure he's gonna stick to his word. Some people say I'm paranoid, but I feel that...

Enough! Yes, I originally told Jamie he could sub in for a few weeks, but he's driving me insane! I can't take it anymore. Apparently, neither could any of his tribemates, which is why they voted him out. Remember the humble and sane Jamie we experienced last week? Well, it seems that was simply a mirage. Almost immediately, he started yelling at Gary for calling him a liar even though he was the one accusing Gary of lying. Then he did his best Black Sabbath-album-title impersonation and went paranoid for the next three days straight. [Thanks for the fact-check, readers!] And he also didn't help himself by insisting Lydia and Cindy finish a reward challenge they had already lost — ''just for fun,'' he said. And then there was the time...

...We interrupt this column to bring you this Survivor News Flash. We have unconfirmed reports from an anonymous source that Xhakúm tribe member Stephenie has been spotted smiling. Evidently, the alleged smile took place during a reward challenge getaway that involved a shower with another woman and obscene amounts of Folgers-coffee product placement. We are awaiting confirmation on this story and will be sure to bring you any further developments. We now return you to your regularly scheduled column, now in progress.

...and that's the reason ''C'mon in, guys'' has replaced ''You wanna know what you're playing for?'' as my favorite Jeff Probstism. But something that has never been a favorite of mine is the old videotapes-from-home montage, so I was crying almost harder than the contestants when those things started to roll. I did find it mildly curious when Danni said she was more interested in seeing her dog than her family. Look, I'm a pet guy. I even have a portrait of my deceased cat, Mr. Whiskers, hanging on my wall. (Yes, I realize how pathetic that is.) But still, try not to dis your family so blatantly on national television next time, okay?

Nonetheless, Danni was definitely part of my favorite moment from this episode (outside of seeing Bobby Jon at tribal council, that is — did he raid the Miami Vice wardrobe closet, or what?), when in the immunity challenge Probst yelled out ''Danni's trailing behind'' right as a big shot of Danni's ass filled the screen. Don't know if that was intentional or not, but I do know that it was priceless.

I also know that it is taking every fiber of my Redskins-loving, Cowboys-hating being to keep myself from giving props to Hogeboom. First, he finds the hidden immunity idol, and then he sits back and lets another player self-destruct, giving himself at least three more days in the game. But still, he's a Cowboy. I know that's a stupid reason not to root for someone, but I don't care. Hell, I rooted vehemently against Lil in Pearl Islands just because her Boy Scout uniform creeped me out!

As far as where things stand now, I still think Stephenie is top dog, but I do have to give some props to my man Rafe. Okay, I've taken my fair share of shots at Arnold Poindexter, but all of a sudden, he's an immunity-idol-winning machine — when he's not falling face first into the water, that is. I've actually found myself rooting for him a bit. Hey, at least he's not a Cowboy.

What do you think? Does Rafe have a shot at the million? Is Hogeboom still living on borrowed time? And is Lydia still stuck in the mud at the reward challenge, or what?

Lost Theory

Interesting.

The Office

Uncomfortable.

Love love love the interaction between Jan and Michael. How awkward. She hates him so much, but can't do anything about it since she fucked him! And he thinks she's playing hard-to-get. Can't get any funnier on this show.

The real funny part for me was when they were trying to convince Dwight that the next day was Saturday when it was actually going to be Friday. Hilarious!

"The Tailies"

Good 'sode of Lost. Only beef: the lousy slow-mo heavily-edited ending. That was just cheesy. I think The Blue Man Group wrote the music for that (utterly pointless) five minutes.

This could be bad... or good...

From Ain't It Cool News:

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with a bit of news on the comedy front. There's a flick called BLADES OF GLORY that Ben Stiller is producing that looks to have nabbed Will Ferrell and Jon Heder as the leads, a pair of male figure skaters. These guys are banned from the sport for getting into fisticuffs during the Winter Games. Years go by and the two enemies decide to work together in order to exploit a loophole in their banning which would allow them to compete in the pairs figure skating portion.

The Dark Side

Aaahhh.. Marguerite... our favorite lunatic... here's some good links for ya!

From Reality Blurred:

Trading Spouses’ Marguerite immortalized in merchandise

FOX’s Trading Spouses found its first star last week when it aired the second part of its second season finale. Marguerite Perrin, who according to FOX “says that she can hear God and is in constant communication with him,” had a meltdown that rivaled all of those we’ve seen before. “They’re tampering with the dark side. This is tainted. I am a God warrior, and I don’t want anyone tainted doing anything with my family!” she screamed. (iFilm has the video if you missed it.)

After the episode aired, she told the New York Post, “As soon as I hit the door of my house, I wanted to talk to my family and I was about to explode. As much as I kept telling myself, ‘wait until the camera crews leave,’ I could not hold it anymore. I just wanted the camera crew out and that’s what happened.” Sounding sort of normal, she says “it’s okay” if people think she’s crazy, adding, “I’m hoping once they see the show, they’ll see that I’m a real person and I’m just raw and what you see is just who I am and that’s just the way it is.”

Her freak-out was only the beginning. In addition to being featured on VH!’s Best Week Ever and on every blog that ran the video clips FOX cleverly distributed, she’s already become instantly immortalized and commercialized.

For starters, someone has created a Marguerite bobble-head doll, and they are auctioning it off on eBay. The figure even talks, as it “features actual clips of Marguerite’s meltdown from the show.” Also on eBay are You're All Dark Sided t-shirts and Buttons with her sayings on them.

But perhaps most incredibly of all, someone remixed her rant with music from a Casio. Brilliant.

Lost Recap

From EW:

First off, Lost, kudos on a great opener. A serene beach scene. Sounds of ocean breezes, surf crashing, no underscoring. It's a Corona commercial....It's a Corona commercial....Kersplash! It's a plane wreck! No! It's half a plane wreck! My friend Liz was particularly happy to see an atmosphere of trauma restored to the show. (Liz loves trauma.) ''Look at the guy crawling around aimlessly in the sand — you can see the track behind him. Nice.'' Nice, indeed.

Second: Shame on you, Lost (or, rather, ABC), for promising an extended episode, then pawning off five superfluous minutes of slow-motion recap as added value. If that's the network's idea of a bonus, then I have some ''collectible'' Lost promo tees I'd like to sell them.

The episode itself succeeded fairly well, especially in its more understated moments. I speak, of course, of Mr. Eko (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), whom we're being led to believe is a priest (or some such) from Africa. (Nigeria, perhaps? Like the dead, drug-toting holy men in the Boone-killing airplane? Suspicious coincidence alert!) That guy can say more by saying nothing than I can say in 900-odd words. (Go ahead, clock me — I'll lose.) Oh, and one other Eko note: If he's Bizarro Locke (just as Ana-Lucia is Bizarro Jack — a killer instead of a healer), will his version of faith be revealed as the inverse of Locke's? And is it notable that his name shares three letters — e, k, and o — with Locke's? Eko...echo...get it? (I'm spitballing here.)

The stated purpose of this episode was to bring us up to speed on the Tailaways, whose numbers dwindled from 23 to 5 in the course of 48 days. (Which went by fast — perhaps a little too fast. It's difficult to sum up two seasons' worth of action in a single episode, but wow, some of those ''days'' went by so fast it was almost comical.) The count: Twelve were ''taken.'' Four died of injuries. One was murdered. One was a murderer and a mole.

But the real purpose of this little exercise was to give us some insight into the Others: their methods, strategy, and philosophy. (Also couture: barefoot with cutoffs, very zombie-chic.) That task of Other exposition fell to Goodwin, the infiltrator, who provided us with a few nuggets before getting kebabbed by feisty Ana-Lucia (whose military know-how, it's implied, explains her facility in the art of death). Goodwin told us the Others only kidnap ''good'' people — and children, who are inherently good. (Unless you've read The Turn of the Screw — required Hatch reading, by the way.) What constitutes ''good''? Ah, that would be revealing too much. So bye-bye, Goodwin. Excellent device, by the way, revealing Goodwin's death two episodes ago, and leading us to believe he was a victim of the Others, rather than an Other himself. (Now we know why that exchange was handled by English-challenged Jin and laconic Eko.)

We also got a closer look at Hatch II: Electric Bible Room. The Tailaways' Dharma station (whose symbol is a crude arrow instead of a swan) contains only a few items, including a Good Book (notice that Eko immediately studied the inscription page, as if he thought he knew the owner) and a glass eye. I'm calling it: Columbo is on the island! And boy does he have a lot of murders to investigate.

He'll certainly be kept busy if Ana-Lucia sticks around. She's a character designed to draw viewers' ire, but let's give her a chance, shall we? The front-section Losters are so warm and fuzzy, I'm a bit excited to watch the progress of a (justified) paranoid who believes in big-stick leadership. (Literally.) Michelle Rodriguez is one of those performers who do a specific thing — the demon face! — particularly well. That's her job, and I'm happy to watch her keep doing it. The tense scene with Goodwin, the piece of fruit, and the knife was one of the best moments this season. And yes, I'd like to know the story behind her wedding band, her attitude toward children (it was implied she lost one herself), and her talent for snuffing people out. Also, I kinda like the way she holds a gun. Is that so very wrong?

In closing, I bring you installment two of the Libby Watch. Honestly, can there be any doubt that this gal's dirty? She's sporting the same beige Otherwear we saw on Ethan and Goodwin. She helped build the case against innocent Nathan. (By, the way, Nathan...Ethan? Plus the whole ''I'm from Canada'' bit, à la Ethan? Red herring was clearly on the menu last night.) Oh, Libby. You're so very, very Othery. Perhaps that's why she eventually had to get rid of Cindy: The former stewardess is too good with faces, a walking passenger manifest. Or here's an even crazier theory: What if Libby actually was on the plane, and she's still an Other? From the outside, come to check up on the experiment?

Oh, and to all those hope-springs-eternal folks out there: Shannon really is dead. Ana-Lucia really did shoot her. This is the one bit of revelation those added minutes furnished. Savor the value.

What do you think? Did you like learning more about the Tailaways, or should the show stick to the original characters? Is Libby a mole? And what other major or minor clues did you spot?

Nip/Tuck

Kristin (E!) is pretty sure Matt is not the Carver.

My money is still on Matt. Unless it's Quentin.

Scrubs

Back in January. Mandy Moore is guest-starring (she's on the set all the time, apparently, so she might as well guest star), as is Jason Bateman and John Cusack!

Also:

From melinda: Will Sarah Chalke be back on Scrubs?

Kristin from E!: Yes, she'll start the season at another hospital but then, "pretty much lose my job immediately."

GQ can now be called Cosmo

Jennifer Aniston is on the December cover as Man of the Year. No wonder Brad divorced her. She has a dick.

Rent

I remember sitting in the front row of the balcony in NYC seeing the original cast of Rent. Must've been back in 1996 or maybe 1997. It was so loud and the music was so much edgier than it came across on the watered-down cast recording. It was one of the few times that I went to the theater and felt like I was at a rock show.

The movie is not getting good buzz. It looks like the producers chose the absolute worst director for the job: Christopher Columbus. Christopher "Home Alone Mrs. Doubtfire Nine Months Step Mom Bicentenial Man" Columbus. Which of those movies indicates that this guy should direct a movie about gay and straight bohemians living with AIDS and drug addiction in the slums of NYC?

Exactly. I might see this movie next Monday. I hear it's kind of an embarassment to watch. That's what I've been dreading.

What if you were stuck in an elevator with this guy?

James Brown is a nut job.

Scoops O' Lost

From E!'s very own Kristin:

1. Shannon Really Is Dead--Really, Really: I know it's tough to believe that anyone on a JJ Abrams show could be legitimately six feet under for all of eternity, but Maggie Grace is not expected to return to Lost island in the future. If you don't believe me, believe Dominic Monaghan, who proclaimed Thursday morning, "Shannon's dead! There's no way out. I think if you get shot in the chest on an island with no real medical help, you're gonna croak."

4. I Know Who's Next (And Why That's a Misleading Tease): First off, I gotta tell you, the cast is still a bit rattled over saying goodbye to Maggie. "We have such a strong bond," Daniel tells me. "We still miss Ian, and now we'll miss [Maggie], too." Jorge adds: "It's really hard any time you lose someone on a show, and more so in this situation where they've actually gotta move away after they die on the show." So very Survivor, no? But the good news is, I'm told that as of this moment, there no future tribal councils in the works. Meaning, at least for now, the "next one to go" is...no one. Phew!

8. It's True! Kate's Getting Some Looovvvin' (And Not from Sawyer).

15. Jin and Sun, Reuniting, and It Feels So Good: This according to Daniel Dae Kim, "We are the only married couple on the island, so I think that's a good reason to root for us to be together. Jin's totally changed, and he's come so far, and I think it's time to get that handcuff off of him!" (Am I the only one who hadn't noticed it's still there?!)

16. Harold Perrineau's Real-Life Wife Will Be Back: Keep your eyes peeled! Damon tells me that Brittany Perrineau (love her), who plays Mary Jo, the woman who pulled out Hurley's lottery numbers, and also Sawyer's one-night stand, will be back for a third episode very soon. Harold explains: "I think the idea was that Sawyer was a con man, and he might want to con the Lotto girl. And she might not be a one-night stand." When asked how he felt about his wife shooting a love scene with Josh Holloway, Harold replies: "It was a little weird, so what I did was, I talked to the writers, and I said if she's gonna kiss him, then I'm gonna kiss him, so it was great! Josh is a really good kisser!"

23. It's Tailies-vs.-Lost-ies Smackdown Time! In just two more episodes, the old cast and new cast will collide, but after that whole Shannon-offing thing, they aren't exactly going to be singing "Kum Bay Yah" 'round the campfire. When asked if it'll be like the Sharks and Jets, Daniel Dae Kim (love him) breaks out in song, "That's right! We're gonna go around, 'Boy, boy.' [Laughs.] I think there's going to be a little bit of like, 'Who are these people?' You know, the Lost-ies are going to be guarded, especially after [Shannon's death]."

NBC Cancels Martha

And Best Week Ever has the best reaction ever:

"Those people over at NBC are brave. Martha's a hardened criminal, who knows how she's going to react to this! Note to execs: No more cooking segments for Miss Stewart- keep all sharp objects far, far away."

MediaWeek tells Fox they're fucking stupid...

"The cancellation of Arrested Development is a perfect example why the 18-34 audience is leaving the broadcast networks in droves. The nets produce a very limited number of series that appeal to us, under-promote them, move them around, and then cancel them. I can't count how many times this has happened to great shows in the last few years. Everyone I know in this age group -- everyone -- watches and loves Arrested Development. If the ratings aren't showing this, maybe there is be a problem with the sample. This show is a yuppie phenomenon."

Agreed. And I thought maybe it was just an L.A. phenomenon.

Beautiful Commercial

Makes me want the TV.

Ocean's Twelve

For a sequel made entirely to make money and for the stars to have a ball vacationing in Europe, this movie was all right. Kind of good, in fact. My favorite parts were:

- Julia Roberts' character pretending to be Julia Roberts
- Bruce Willis' hilarious cameo and thinking Julia Roberts' character is actual Julia Roberts
- Matt Damon's mom

Very witty, and for what it is, kind of a risky movie. It could've sucked. But it was kind of good.

I guess it's pilot season...

NBC has given a script commitment for a comedy project called 5-0, about a shorter than usual police officer (his height explains the title) who often works undercover utilizing his lack of height to his advantage.

This sounds pretty funny!

Aquaman is so hot

The WB has given a pilot commitment to Aquaman. The project will focus on a young Arthur Curry (aka Aquaman), in much the same way Smallville focuses on a young Superman. In fact, this project has the producers/writers of Smallville on board - Al Gough and Miles Millar. In this project there won't be any seahorse riding, rather our young hero will concentrates his efforts above sea level, fighting environmental threats, without the help of the sea life.

David Cross on Fox's idiocy

"I've got an idea for what you can do, why don't you fucking fire your complete marketing team and get a new one there that knows how to market a show that won five motherfucking emmys, golden globes, SAG awards, WGA awards, DVA awards, Producers Guild Awards, critic's top 10 list; you know if you can't fucking market that kind of show and get better ratings then maybe the problem doesn't lie here maybe it lies with marketing."

Confessions From a Dancefloor

I'm likin' it. Madge was on a roll (Ray of Light, Music) and then released one of the worst albums I've ever heard from a "serious" musician (American Life). She's back.

Pointless

I mean... Spanglish.

What a shitty movie. That family needed some serious Prozac. And the director needed some serious closure. But he gave us nothing. NOTHING! It just ended. No resolution.

Jarhead

Honestly, I expected much more. The reviews were not great, but I still held hope. The reviews weren't great for "Road to Perdition," either (another Sam Mendes film), but that is one of my all-time favorites.

Jarhead has a lot of really great scenes, but none of it adds up to anything other than "Iraq was boring and all I wanted to do was shoot some guns and get home to my girl." Been there, done that. I would only recommend this film to serious Jake Gyllenhaal crushers. His ass is on full display many times.

Side note: Peter Sarsgaard cannot turn in a bad performance. This guy has the goods.

Spoiler Alert: Survivor

From Reality Blurred:

Bobby Jon Drinkard, who was voted off of Survivor Guatemala Thursday, has told a journalist that he thinks one contestant “still may have a shot at the series’ top prize,” the Grand Rapids Press reports.

When he was voted of, Bobby Jon became the first member of the jury. That means he knows who the final two people are, since he had to vote for one of them. And because Bobby Jon isn’t exactly known as one of the smartest, most intelligent players in the history of the show, it’s more than possible he’s revealing something big without realizing it.

Or, maybe he’s just playing us. Either way, read at your own peril:

“Gary’s a second version of Tom Westman. He’s had a lot of life experience, like Tom, and he’s a thinker, and thinkers often win. … He was in the NFL for years in a high-pressure environment. He has a lot of comebacks, and he can come back again.”

All Is Right With The World

Last week we lost the signal to our local channels (via the DirecTV satellite). Yesterday the TV guy came to figure out the problem. Believe it or not, the winds have been so severe around these parts that they actually caused the satellite to twist out of proper alignment.

TV guy wind-proofed the dish and now all is right with the world. Phew!

Trading Spouses

From TVGasm:

Alot of TVgasm readers have begged for a recap of the double Trading Spouses episode that aired over the last couple weeks. I did happen to see most of each episode, but it was one of those momentous television events that stood on its own. Plus, as a devotee of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I am afraid to delve into the world of making fun of Christian Warriors for God too much. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? If you appear on reality TV, you're fair game. And if you're completely batshit insane, all the better.

With Pat Robertson condemning tiny Dover, PA to a natural disaster of some sort and the Weavers invoking God whenever their selfish needs desire on The Amazing Race, Crazy Christians are popping up all over my TV. Enter Margaret Perrin on Trading Spouses. I am not about to recap the two episodes - or even come close to doing so - but I will offer a few observations after the jump.

If you didn't see the show, or at least the previews or postscripts on show's like Best Week Ever or Reality Remix, you won't have any appreciation for Margaret. But if you did... hoo, boy. From Louisiana, Mrs. Perrin is a disturbingly obese proseltizing nutbag. She sees God (or the lack thereof) everywhere. She screams bloody murder - sounding exactly like South Park's Ms. Crabtree (RIP).

Long story short, she swapped with some perfectly nice lady from Massachusetts. The MA lady is into Wicca and astrology and all sorts of woo-woo nonsense like that. She lived with Margaret's family for several days, got accosted by Margaret's Crazy friends, and ended up getting along very well with the Perrin family. Boring.

Poor Margaret didn't fare so well up in darksided Massachusetts. She dry-heaved from being morbidly obese with a dash of anxiety disorder. Or, as Margaret calls it, "Darksiditis." At times she had difficulties breathing and sweat profusely due to her 500 pound girth and clogged arteries. Those conditions would be deemed "Satan" in her world.

She freaked out upon meeting some hokey "psychic" as if that phoney baloney kid had powers on the order of the Sith. She forced the pagan kids to go to church and prayed for everyone nonstop. Her eyes bulged, her giant gap toothed scowl grew more psychotic with each passing hour. This went on for a few days and then, finally, FOX gave us what we watched for: The complete meltown of Margaret.

She couldn't get out of New England fast enough to return back to "God's country," Louisiana. Now, I could make a truly tasteless and heartless quip about how God apparently doesn't treat his "Country" too well (*cough*Katrina*cough*Rita*cough*) but I won't do that. She waddled furiously through the threshold of her house to greet her happily expectant family. And then... Holy shit.

"AaaAAAaaaAAA! I REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF JEEEE-SUS! AAaaaAAAaaAA!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. She scared the crap out of her daughters and chubby chaser husband. She "rebuked" the FOX camera people, she ripped off her jewelry for some reason, and she screeched about the "Darkside" multiple times. She tore up the nice card and allocation of money calling it, "TAINTED!"

Honestly, there's not much more to add, as I didn't thoroughly watch the episodes and really, do I want to offend Christians and the overweight anymore than I have already?

Beady Varmit Eyes

--Was it me or did anyone else notice that Judd (of Survivor) has got some seriously beady looking eyes?

Okay, onto the official EW review:

What the hell is going on around here? I take a few weeks off from my Survivor Watch to attend to some other EW business, and come back to one of the most bizarre episodes in recent memory.

How bizarre was it? Well, for starters, you had Judd — Judd! — acting as the voice of reason, telling Jamie to chill out over being called classless. Then you had Jamie — who has seemed pretty classless the past month or so — redeeming himself (maybe) by offering to eat nuts instead of a burger. And then you had men dominating a balance-based immunity challenge. Men usually suck at any challenge remotely related to balance. Remember the first Amazon challenge? Or how about poor Chris in Vanuatu? (Well, I guess calling him ''poor'' isn't really accurate, considering the dude won a million bucks.) So seeing Jamie take on Rafe in the finals was odd — and entertaining, thanks to Rafe's face-first dip in the water. (How much do we love Rafe?)

But the oddest thing about this episode by far had to be Tribal Council. I'm not talking about Gary scoring the hidden immunity idol. (Even a diehard Cowboys hater like myself has to give it up to him on that one.) And I'm not talking about Bobby Jon being sent packing. No, I'm talking about the crazy drumming music playing while the Survivors were casting the votes. Where the hell did that come from? For a moment there I thought I had purchased a ticket to Stomp! or something. I guess the producers felt they had to jazz things up a bit since it was obvious Bobby Jon was about to go. But it was still a bit jarring.

As for Bobby Jon, I feel conflicted. I've played my purist card and gone on record as saying I don't like the stunt-casting twist of bringing Stephenie and him back to play the game, but at the same time I have found myself rooting for him anyway. No, I don't have a crush on the Manimal. (That's my colleague Lynette Rice's department.) He's just a nice guy. And a nice guy who is slightly off his rocker. I like nice guys who are slightly off their rockers. That's just the way I roll. It's just the way.... Oh, wait. Hold on a second. All of a sudden, I'm not feeling so hot....

....Sorry about that. I just puked all over my coworker Kristen Baldwin's office. I'm sure she won't mind. Just a little somethin'-somethin' I picked up from my boy Judd. Okay, his vomiting on the shelter was kinda gnarly, but how awesome was it watching him fall all over the place in a drunken stupor? He even one-upped reigning Survivor stumbling champion Tom Westman. And let me tell you, people — Tom Westman does not lose often. And when he does, he goes and kills a shark or something to make up for it.

Speaking of losers, what's up with Jamie knocking himself down from a fourth-place finish in the reward challenge to dead last at ninth? Was this an honest attempt at atonement, or a strategic move to regain favor? Either way, it was a smart move, even if I hesitate to dub Jamie as smart after watching him completely misunderstand Gary's proclamation that he would vote however the majority was voting. Somehow Jamie took this to mean that Gary was voting for him. Either that or he was lying to everyone else for no apparent reason. (Also not smart.)

Judd had no problem lying to everyone else about his clue as to the whereabouts of the hidden immunity idol. Again, not smart, especially when Gary the quarterback caught him looking up when he insisted it was down on the ground. I have to admit I was kind of hoping Hogeboom (or Hawkins, or whatever his name is) was gonna spike the idol at Probst's feet and do a little touchdown dance, but unfortunately he had to go the anti-Jamie classy route on us. Of course, that idol will probably only save him for three more days, unless they can break up the Big Six. I hope they do. Not for the Cowboy's sake, mind you. But just so my girl Danni can go the distance. Not really sure why I like her. She hasn't done a whole lot lately. But she's actually skinnier than me, and so the longer she plays, the more false hope she gives me that my 140-pound weakling of a body could stand up to such a brutal physical toll. Just keep me away from any and all balance beams.

What do you think? Was Jamie genuine in his apology? Will the Big Six splinter? And does Stephenie already have this game won?

Word is....

Fox actually cancelled Kitchen Confidential. What a bummer.

Give me a break

So Arrested Development gets pulled from a network schedule, but shit like Freddie gets a full season order.

Fox can fuck off

They pulled Arrested Development and Kitchen Confidential for the rest of November sweeps. Suck it.

People's Sexiest Man

It's gonna be Matthew McConaughey. I thought maybe Heath Ledger. Oh well. Who cares. Some gossip:

"Certainly the famously nude-and-drum-playing Matthew McConaughey never has fun with Craigslist either, though we were pleased to observe him a few years back late at night the lobby of a Milan hotel trying to score a three-way with a male buddy of his. Matty does like to have a good time, and what’s wrong with that? His career’s not doing too badly these days (OK, so we’ll forget Sahara, even though it did some business), and now the New York Post’s Page Six is reporting that People magazine is about to anoint the actor as its Sexiest Man Alive. Bongos, anyone?"

Vaughniston

Why is it that Jennifer Anniston always dates average guys? She and Vince are reportedly getting married in December. I hope they beat Angie and Brad down the aisle.

Lost

Well... I can't say I'll miss her.

At least Arnold is too busy....

Fox ordered a pilot called "The Sarah Connor Chrnonicles," which will be a TV series based on The Terminator. Hmmm.... interesting. BEfore we write it off, let's remember the first two movies are near-classics and the third wasn't that bad, either.

Hung Up

I'm hung up on Madonna right now. How damn hot is this woman? She's like 80 and she's still got it. If you didn't catch the MTV Europe Music Awards, she stole the show in her purple 80's leotard.

Paris & Nicki - Only one is hot

I went to a private Shins concert in the Hollywood Hills and stood next to Paris and Nicki Hilton for a while. Paris' cleavage was about an inch too far to the right in her (too-skimpy) dress. It was just strange. Nicki is drop-dead gorgeous. And doesn't look like an alien slut like Paris.

Also saw Christian Slater. Unfortunately, this wasn't the party where he fell off Paris Hilton's neighbor's roof. Gosh, I wish I were able to witness that.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Why does no one watch Arrested Development? This show is so damn funny. How did you react to Charlize Theron's secret? SO wrong. But SO funny. I was wondering what was up with her strange personality quirks. And outfits.

Survivor

CBS just ordered Seasons 13 and 14.

Guesses where the next ones will take place?

Cuba Gooding's Big...

Dog.

I went to the vet last weekend, and Cuba Gooding, Jr. happened to be there with his giant dog. Nicest guy. Biggest dog. 190 pounds to be exact. The thing weighed more than Cuba!

Guess That Pothead...

So, as I wrote before, I went to the Rolling Stones on Sunday. As I was entering the Hollywood Bowl, I noticed a certain star of The O.C. in line in front of me. To my surprise, they pulled out a joint, turned to their friend and asked, "What should I do with this?" Their friend said, "Put it behind your ear. They'll never notice." So they (The O.C. star) did, and they (the Hollywood Bowl staff) didn't.

Guess who.

Stop it, Star!

Star Magazine must stop including pictures of what celebrity couples' kids might look like. They are CREEPY. Stop it now!

U2

I have nothing to say about U2 that I haven't before. Easily the best band currently working. And the only vital band in their third decade.

Marc, my concert going partner, was randomly chosen to stand inside the "eclipse" and bring a friend with him. Lucky me! We were about 5 feet away from the band. I think Adam Clayton winked at me. (By the way, he is the coolest member of U2.)

Some moments that will be burned in my mind for years to come:

-An acoustic set that included Walk On and Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses. Bono forgot the lyrics to Horses as Edge's guitar strings snapped

-Singing In A Little While and making up his own lyrics to the tune of I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

-Bono doing a damn fine Pavrotti impression during Miss Sarajevo (a rare song I'm thrilled to have heard live)

-U2 pulling out an oldie, MLK!

-Ending the show with Bad, easily my favorite U2 song. I think it was stretched to about 12 minutes. Bono got the crowd singing "People Have the Power." The crowd continued to chant about 5-10 after the lights went up

A History of Violence

Fuck, this movie was good. I was giddy when it ended. Pure pulp entertainment with some fantastic acting by Viggo, Maria Bello and (especially) William Hurt. The movie was suspenseful, nasty, witty, suprising and, at times, downright hilarious. Wait until the final 10 minutes. The final showdown in Philadelphia is some of the best-filmed violence I've seen since Boogie Nights. Or maybe Pulp Fiction.

By the way, the sex in this movie is so realistic it will make you squirm. There is every reason for Viggo and Maria to eat each other out (69!) while she wears her high school cheerleader uniform because it says a lot about their relationship. Their second big sex scene (the violent one in the stair case after a nasty nasty argument/fight) is so uncomfortable you'll wince. But again, it says worlds about where they are in their relationship and how fucking pissed off she is about him and how much he loves her and can't believe how much he hurt her (however intentional or unintentional).

This is a great movie.

Blog Design

Hey Jenni, Joe and Josh - I think we need to work on our blog design. It's kind of... boring. It could use some pictures! What do you think?

A Bigger Bang

The Rolling Stones. Man, these geezers still rock! They're pushing 65 and they can still prance along the stage, Mick still has a voice, and the band can still play. I have to admit, the songs of their newest album didn't do much for me (or my dad or, seemingly, the rest of the audience). I got up and bought him a t-shirt.

But when I returned, they broke into Wild Horses, Get Off Of My Cloud, Sympathy For The Devil, Honky Tonk Women, Start Me Up, Brown Sugar, You Can't Always Get What You Want, Satisfaction all in a row. It was amazing! The Rolling Stones helped prove that a crowd of mostly 40- and 50-somethings could still rock, too.

Side notes:

There isn't a better venue to see a big concert than The Hollywood Bowl. It's magical.

How did I get so lucky to see two of the greatest rock bands within a week of each other?

Jennifer Aniston: Seven Things* I’d Rather Talk About ... Than the Men in (or Out) of My Life

From Newsweek. Cute:


1. My new movie, "Derailed." It's a really sexy psychological thriller with Clive Owen. I had never done a thriller before. It was hard to kiss Clive, but you know what? Somebody had to do it, and that's what they pay me for.

2. My dog, Norman. I got him from the animal trainers on "Friends"—the ones who worked with the chick, the duck and the monkey. He was an actor dog, but he was so lazy that he had a terrible reputation. He wouldn't hit his mark. He just sat there. They said they sent his doggie head shot out and he wasn't getting any calls.

3. How little I actually cry. I'm pegged as a crier, aren't I? I was upset about the Vanity Fair article. I had one moment when I got emotional because I hadn't sat down with an interviewer since this whole debacle took place. It happened for a second and then it was over. But I do cry when I watch shows about babies being born. And I can turn on "Terms of Endearment" at any point and start crying—or "The Champ," with Rick Schroder.

4. The long-term effects of Botox. It seems like people are messing around with dangerous stuff. Look at some of the faces out there! Men age gracefully, although you're seeing more men having plastic surgery, which is weird. Nothing is worse than a guy with an eye job—and don't think we can't tell.

5. The state of television. Where are all the sitcoms? Why are we so obsessed with reality TV? We don't know how to write and create good shows. I wonder if reality TV is adding to the obsession with the rag magazines that create all those soap operas with celebrities. So-and-so is scratching so-and-so's eyes out—and, oh, my God, they may meet! It's so pathetic.

6. The state of the world. How about that indictment?! And why did it take so long to respond to the crisis in New Orleans? Everything is imploding. It all seems to lead back to our dear president.

7. Radiohead. When are they going to make a new album? Where are they? Where did they go? I also want to know why Steve Perry left Journey.

Paris: Rinse & Repeat & Repeat

Damian Marley

I've heard he's up-and-coming. Take it from me: he's not. He's going to make it just about as far as the Baha Men did.

Why, oh why, did U2 choose him to open for their Vertigo tour? Hundreds of bands would DIE to open for U2. My guess: Bono drank a little too much one night and Damian Marley ended up as the opening act.

Where'd I Go?

I've been gone for a few weeks. Been hectic. But today is my birthday and I'm back!

Last night I saw U2. More on that later.

I had a Halloween party on 10/29. The party was great. The aftermath was my own personal Katrina. More on that later.

I got interviewed at the dogpark by a "lifestyle network" called Q. Later I found out that it is of a particular lifestyle. More on that later.

In The Name Of God....

Shove It Up Your Ass!

Ah yes.... another delightful episode of Trading Spouses. Frankly, I'm not even sure where to start with my comments because there are so many. For those who missed this episode, you have definitely lost out on some classic television moments.

Let's start at the beginning. Marguerite, the obsese holy-roller Christian freak trades places with Jeanne, the new age hypnotherapist. From the previews, we already know Maguerite is insane. She goes on to prove it in the show.

Because Jeanne's house is not Christian, Marguerite actually believes she is physically getting ill because the house "lacks God". She will not participate in a solstice party because she thinks it's anti-christian. Meanwhile in Louisiana, Jeanne is getting grilled by Marguerite's holier-than-thou Christian friends, who feel superior to her due to their beliefs.

Later, Marguerite joins Jeanne's husband Chris on his radio show. Big mistake. Jeanne begins to espouse on all the benefits of Christianity when various people call into the show. It gets even more interesting when *gasp* a psychic shows up to the radio program. Marguerite learns the guy is a psychic and goes psycho on not only Chris, but the poor psychic guy AND the radio listeners! After emerging from the bathroom, she tells (to anyone within hearing range) that she is not going to put up with this and "In the name of God, you can all shove it up your ass!".

Ah yes.... a beautiful and touching tv moment.

Next week we'll get to see Marguerite speaking in tongues while performing an exorcism at her home. A definite must-see. Get those Tivo's prepped!

What does Bush keep in his pockets?

Frankly, I don't care and I REALLY don't want to know.

The Crow Report

Sheryl Crow will perform at halftime of the Thanksgiving game between Denver and Dallas.

Yippee!

Jessica Simpson Saw Therapist Over Rumors

Most disturbing part of learning this? Simpson says she'd be a therapist if she weren't an entertainer. Umm... sure.... yeah....

Charles & Camilla

They're visiting the U.S. and meeting with the President. Yawn. The big news really, is that Camilla brought 50 dresses along.

-Try as you might, honey, you're still no Diana. Not even close.

LOST News!

From Oceanic Air:

Dear Frequent Flyer —

Greeting from the Writer's Room of Lost!

As we careen wildly toward the midpoint of season two, the Writer's Room is working feverishly to continue to provide you with the kind of "Lost" thrills and spills to which you, the viewer, have grown accustomed. Sometimes, that includes changing things up a little bit...

...now, season two is already rife with change - new series regulars in the form of the tail section survivors (or "tailies" as we like to call them - as opposed to the "fusies" of the fuselage section), new mysteries (the Dharma initiative, the elusive Alvar Hanso, the mysterious Desmond), and new challenges - but some of our more daring experiments will come your way not just in the stories, but also in the way we choose to tell them.

During the November sweeps, you will not only be seeing the death of a major character (and we're not telling who it is here!), the tragedy will lead into one of the most unusual and compelling hours we have yet to produce. We won't spoil too much, but let's just say that the intense inside story of the tailies and their trials on the island will be told in a way that will surprise you - and those of you who have gotten used to "Lost's" method of telling stories in the present with flashbacks to the past are going to be thrown for what we hope is a fantastic thrill-ride of a loop on this one.

Beyond the November sweeps, "Lost" is going to continue to find new and exciting ways of telling stories on the island. One of the more thrilling developments going on around here is that director Darren Aronofsky - the daring visionary behind such films as "Pi" and "Requiem for a Dream" - as well as the upcoming Hugh Jackman/Rachel Weisz sci-fi drama "The Fountain" - has just signed up to direct an episode of "Lost..." and you can bet that the blend of the mystery and drama of "Lost" with the visually innovative style of this maverick filmmaker is going to make for some truly awesome television.

Wanna know more? Here are the confirmed titles and writers of some our upcoming episodes...

"Abandoned"
Written by Elizabeth Sarnoff

"The Other 48 Days"
Written By Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse

"Collision"
Written by Javier Grillo-Marxuach and Leonard Dick

And there's a lot more where those came from - as always, stay tuned, and thanks for getting Lost with us!