Alias Part I Cynopsis

Television Without Pity:

They're baaaaaack. And Sydney's still on that big freighter in the middle of freakin' nowhere. Only this time, she manages to make an S.O.S. call right before she starts getting labor pains. Syd hides out on the boat while Spy Daddy charges the Appleseed Gang with infiltrating the CIA in order to figure out Syd's location, because Prophet Five has gotten their spiny fingers into the American government, as well as all the…other governments. I guess. I can't remember. The last time this show was on television, I had braces and was in love with Bob Dobeus even though he hadn't discovered contact lenses yet.
The Appleseed Gang heads to the CIA and brings all of their awesome ridiculous gadgetry with them. While Rachel's actually doing her job, Getty slips off to do some clandestine research on his own; it seems to involve a dead woman we can assume is Getty's wife, and a bald man named Allen Korman who appears to be the only suspect in her death. Agent Sean shows up long enough to make a quip about Pilates and lend some much-needed assistance to the floundering Appleseed Gang.

Syd tries to get out of her predicament by kidnapping Peyton at gunpoint, but she passes out in a creepy delivery room before she can escape. When she comes to, she's got a fetal monitor strapped to her belly and there's some serious shit going on with the Spy Fetus. As in, it seems to be wrapped in Christmas lights or something. Craaaaazy. Jack calls a meeting of seven CIA directors because one of them is in collusion with Prophet Five and therefore is behind Sydney's capture. Through Marshall's wicked high-tech-ery, Jack discovers the guy's identity, shoots him and generally kicks him around a bit, and finally gets Syd's location out of him. Dix and Getty head off to get her.

Unfortunately, Syd's being drugged and prodded and poked and drained of amniotic fluid, so they'd better bloody well hurry. Dix and Getty finally show up and it would appear that the crew on the ship was actually trying to save Sydney's baby, not harm it. That baby is so Rambaldi, y'all. Sloane gets chastised by Fatty McChubberton for not informing him of the race to capture Sydney and Getty heads off to find the bald guy who killed his wife, only to tell him that he needs to get a message to "The Cardinal." Oh, great. Another "The."

That's all the time we have for this episode now, kids. Check the next recaplet for the second hour of the Alias extravabonangaza!