Predicament of Massive Proportions

It's not often I find myself faced with having to choose between so many QUALITY television shows, but tonight I am in quite the predicament.

First off the OSU Buckeyes are playing (stop right now... I already know that if they run it back for a touchdown on the kickoff we are assured of a loss, but enough about that).

Then, the second episode of Superstars of Dance will air and we'll learn what country gets the boot. I also suggest the show would be far more interesting if Michael Flatley tippity-tapped his dance routine as he goes back & forth between Miss Vapid USA and the panel of Utterly Boring Judges. C'mon.... give a us little something. Saying shit like, "I sat on the edge of my seat the entire time" is just not enough to keep this viewers attention. The dancing was interesting but I don't understand how you can judge native African dancing against some dude doing contorted hip-hop. But I digress.

Next up we have the Bachelor. I swore off the last installment but know enough about it to know that this is the dude the last chick blew off. He's truly an idiot. Was experiencing the train wreck once not enough? He's gonna put himself through it again? Idiot. But yet I will probably watch. With one eye.

If you're into stuff like this, you'll want to watch Bromance (Sarah... you reading this?) Tonight on MTV, the guys compete in a "broathlon," featuring a blow-up doll-raft race and a downhill La-Z-Boy slalom. Later, each contestant gets some one-on-one time with Brody.

Also on deck for this evening is a riveting episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Actual episode description: "Kate attempts to make soup to freeze for the winter season, with unexpected results." I don't think I need to say anymore about that.

And finally, if you need even more crap to watch, tune into True Beauty. Beginning an eight-episode elimination contest in which 10 gorgeous people face challenges to determine the most beautiful---and inner beauty counts as much as physical attractiveness.